Im new to this site but had to talk to someone.I am 57 yrs old married and taking care of my mom .Shes 82 diabetic with CHF and nueropathy in feet and legs .her mind is still fair....I love my mom dearly but in the past year my husband had bypass surgery which he is doing okay.I was diagnose with a thyroid disease ..stress is not good thing being here is causing problems with my husband and I .more thyroids causes me to cry alot and i get so aggitated...She knows i dont feel well and it worries her to see me like this ...I feel so quilty thinking it would be best for her to go to a assisted living...She wets the bed and her clothes everynight and day from sitting so long because of incontinence .I have snapped at her a few times .and I feel terrible about it..I just dont know what to do.I have 6 siblings I get no help .My sister lives 12 hours from here.the other sister passed away 2 years ago,4 brothers that have not offered anything daughters sit with mom if I leave..i am at my wits end !!and Im hoping just being able to tell somone how I m feeling has to husband and i married 39 years .and its hurting us but I dont know what to do..I cant see me putting her in a NH...but I could use any ideas on how to deal with her incontinence..she wears briefs and pads.My bathroom always has a pee smell if not from wet cloths.or wet briefs or pee on my floors it is driving me crazy Im not able to clean up after her all the time.i have to have my daughters help..

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You need to put your mom into care where she can have three shifts of professionals taking care of her, instead of you doing 24 hours of care each and every day. One-third of caregivers die before the person they're caring for does. It sounds like you're overly stressed and your mom's care is affecting your own health and happiness.

Your needs and your husband's needs are equal in importance to your mom's needs. Don't sacrifice your health and happiness and the happiness of your husband to take care of your mom at home. Get her into care, where she can be around other people her age with activities and you can go back to being a loving daughter and advocate and not her 24/7 caregiver/nurse/laundress/janitor. Hugs to you!!

Geez I'm
Loosing my mind my mom has been very sick after CHF and a stroke. She he'd to learn to talk again , and she is my dads queen he wakes her with a flower from the yard and says good morning to his queen dad is 82 he's tired my only sisters husband committed suicide and my husband and I are worn out moneyed out and I seriously can't do it no I mean seriously. I understand the guilt! This is way too hard. Strength to you.

I don't mean to sound harsh but it's a simple choice: Either she goes into care or you lose your sanity and health. You mentioned that you're new to this site. It's a great site for learning, venting, and discussion. You'll probably get several post who disagree with my opinion and that's great. Hope to hear from you again.

Ibe, caring for a aging parent is extremely stressful and takes a health toll even on healthy caregivers. Ask yourself if you think your Mom would want you sacrificing your health and the relationship with your husband to care for her. Most parents would not want this from their children. If you decide to place her and I think you should, you will still be a caregiver but in a different capacity that also allows you to be a daughter.

Incontinence, is very difficult if not impossible to manage and is the deal breaker for many of us. My step dad has the problem consistently. And what I finf the most irritating about it is he just does not seem to care. He sits around all day in wet depends then complains about being cold all the time?! Really!

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