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It really just amazes me just how cruel "family" can be. My father was in the hospital again and is now in a rehab, until he is strong enough to be placed elsewhere. While In IN, I was the one staying all night with dad, leaving just to take a shower then going back because my dad was scared of my brother! I told dad not to be scared but then my brother physically attacked ME. I called 911. After calling 911 NOTHING HAPPENED. Found out from my brothers boss, he has been threatening to hurt me! Scared to stay at dads condo so I started staying at hotels, my family is Military and is in Florida. Called the Police back about the text from my brothers Boss and they STILL DID NOTHING. Now because of my brother and dads family.....I left IN and came back to FL. I was chased away!!
This should be about Dad and what dad wants, but these idiots are playing games. I love my dad and I will go back. They can hurt me and scare me but you only have one father! They are after his money and nothing more. I refuse to allow dads wishes to be changed in any way! dads POA, locked me out of his condo and my belongings were in it!! His POA does not have that authority....

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I had permission from my father to be there. The POA did it to be an ass. I can get NO HELP, so I will stay here in FL. and hope I get a call if my Dad's health deteriorates. I have come to realize that people will do things.....just to be mean and hurtful. I have given my life to my Career Military husband , LTC, and to my children and parents. Dad is the only one left and I have accepted the fact I will not see him alive...again
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the poa as far as i know is responsible for finances and/or medical decisions....e there is some financial reason he locked u out such as prepparing to sell the property which could be construed as a finanician decision (his right to sell) but if he just did it for no reasons under the poa guidelines, well he does not have that authority. check with legal people esp ifyou lived there and your belonging are there.
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Talked to an atty, he said I do not need his assistance...call the Police.
Called to talk to the Police regarding my brother hitting me...they have it noted as a "dispute". Called the Mayor, Chief of Police called back, yelled at me during the conversation. Seems my uncle POA, went in and talked to him and told the Chief it was all about money with me!! I am furious! That could not be farther from the truth! I pay for everything when I am at dads...not to mention, my brother stole the will and he is the one having the problems!! I have to find an atty because POA is completely slandering me and taking advantage of me.
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So, dad was discharged from rehab. I do not know when....all I know is that when I called his room number on Sunday the phone was answered by a woman who stated there were no men in the room.
Called my dads house, he was home. Called this morning to see how his first night was and now he has a caregiver, dad did not even know he was getting a caregiver. If the rehab facility believes dad is able minded enough to go home...he should have been included in that decision!!!!! He was not, he got up this morning and there she was! I have stayed away and stayed here in FL, but enough is enough! I called the State of IN, talked with an ombudsman and have also hired an atty. I am tired of just sitting by and allowing them to walk all over me. The last thing I wanted to do was get atty's involved, but the POA is now taking rights away from my father! No more. I hope and pray that nobody ever has to go through this. My fathers atty is family on my husbands side and she refuses to get involved and to tell the POA when he is stepping over his boundaries. My uncle (POA) may see me as a 12 year old but I am 40, and he is In for the fight of his life. You do not tell a daughter she can not see her father after she drives 1400 miles to get to him. He does not have that authority.
Any way, just an update, I keep allowing them to treat me like garbage because I do not like confrontation.....but they have officially pushed me beyond my limit!!
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IIcrss.. Seems we Both have the SAME Brother!!!! My Mom passed in '08 and to this day he still HATES me, wants NOTHING to do with me, Slanders MY name! Why?? Simple.. I found out too much about him, what he did, how he Abused his POA and what he Embezzled! And although there was NOTHING left, I Made Sure I Protected my Mom emotionally and physically in the end. And 'for that' I will forever be grateful. These stories are a reminder of how much My heart was aching and breaking back then, for me, for my Mom. And for that reason does it break again now for all of You. May you All Please STAY STRONG, and NEVER be AFRAID of doing the RIGHT thing for Your Loved Ones. They 'Depend' on 'You' now. many hugs..
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Anyone know if I can get custody/guardianship even though I live in a different state? It is Spring Break for most of IN and I can not get any attorneys to call me back!! Eeeerrrrr...
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It was like that where I worked, however, it was the Chief that was "dirty". They are Brothers and most will protect each other but will not go as far as lying under oath. It is nice to see a fellow "Hoosier" on here! Thanks for the advice!
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Indianapolis....darn that spell check.
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I live in Indiana. The police here are jokes. Lazy. Indiana olive has had many problems. On officer was drunk in 11:00 am. Hit motorcycles. Killed 1young man and mamed the other 2. His fellow cops tried to cover for him.
Yes. Get an attorney.
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I want to thank ALL OF YOU! You have really helped me out and reassured me that I need to do what is best for Dad!! He is my heart and soul and I deserve to be able to see him without being physically attacked, threatened, locked out of where I am staying and and overall just being treated like crap! I refuse to be chased from my father. I will keep in touch and tell you what is going on! God Bless.
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Our story has so many similarities. My brother is 13 yrs my senior and we were extremely close, as my dad died when I was 9 and he was the male figure in my life. But 3 yrs ago I found out he abused his POA over my mom and ended up filing bankruptcy for her....over $50k in credit card debt. My mom didn't have a lot of money, so he took the only thing she did have, her good credit. He didn't visit regularly either. Ever since I stepped in to protect my mom he has hated me.
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Momhouseme, YOU ARE SO RIGHT!! Those who have POA's need to read up on the statutes and law's regarding them!! So many POA, are out there trying to do things, take away rights....THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO TAKE AWAY! Not all do this....but some do. I was told I could not see my father by the POA. I know there is no custody in place and the POA my father has does not give the authority to my uncle to do that. As a matter of fact, my fathers POA can be taken to Court, showing everything he has done to keep me away from my father. He is to be impartial....Between my brother and I. He kept my brother out of jail! Locked me and my possessions out of the condo, when my dad said I could be there. Now he is influencing my father by telling him how much he does not like me! I refuse to be scared off. My husband and I will be back up to IN, and I will be seeking guardianship.
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Mimara, My concern has always been for my dad!! Even though I am a Mil spouse, I make time and come home to my dad's every summer and spend at least 2 weeks with him. When he was released from the hospital in October 2012, I stayed with him for over a month to help get him back to strength and back to health. He is my sweet,sweet dad and I want the very best for him!
My brother has lived near dad but has taken advantage of that. He will go long periods with out seeing him, takes it for granted.
My brother and I have been close all of our adult lives; however, in October, I realized he had not been telling me the truth. Dad had lost 30 plus pounds and my brother was not aware of it. I was told by dad David came over a couple times a year...David told me he took dad to breakfast every Saturday. That along with his talking about shooting and killing people and older disgusting topics, did me in.
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correct i am poa for my mom and it allows me to handle legal matters, banking and medical care...poa doesn't give us the power to ban people unfortunately...adult protective services (elder abuse) doesn't act very well on minor matters like "upsetting your LO" but rather really focuses on physical and finacial abuse. emotional abuse is difficult to get them to respond to ....they have bigger fish to fry that being physical abuse. everyone is right about these crazy family members....what's up with this?
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Family or not it was an assault and should be reported as such...in the old days when a man battered his wife police did not intervene stating, as you stated, it is a civil matter...today, at least in California it is Domestic Violence and it is a crime. they don't want to do assault then charge him/her with domestic violence...the laws protecting victims of domestic violence are strong and getting stronger...check into it. perhaps save yourself some money and talk to the police first about their report as you will probably need a copy of it anyway for the attorney should you hire one... google domestic violence XXXXXX (and your state)
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If wishes were horses, we'd all have stables full!
What I learned from what happened here, was as I described above, re: 911 calls, reports, getting them amended/corrected., asking for legal help, keeping all communications in writing between you and siblings.
Please try Area Agency on Aging.
They may likely be at least able to direct you to groups , agencies, or other helps that could actually do something to help.
There's also the "Ombudsman"--elderly who are at risk, esp. in facilities, State Ombudspersons advocate for the elder, and try to get their needs met and things managed..
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Ditto Chimonger, I blocked my phone and emails in order to have some peace. I am saddened at the loss of siblings, but life isn't always as you'd like it to be.
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In my case, the nursing home does NOT recognize Durable POA in keeping threatening family members away. I have been blown away at the lack of help. I am the one who is and has been the primary person responsible for my mom, admitted her, got her long term Medicaid, etc. Still, they tolde the siblings have rights.
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That is terrible! [[though, unfortunately, not surprising]]
So sad & stressful!

Hope this information helps:
When anyone calls 911, a report MUST be made [not so, if calling the "non-emergency" line]
AND, you can get a copy of that report, free.
AND, if it does not state things properly, if facts are missing, omitted or changed, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT to contact the police/sheriff, ==within a certain time limit== [I think it is something like 48 hrs?] to make an appointment to physically go to the office, sit with that cop who took your initial report, and make corrections to it, which ALSO must be recorded into the official records, and which you can also get a copy of for your files.
The cop who takes the corrected report, may not like it, because it reflects badly on their ability to do their proper reporting--too bad..
They gotta do it--it's the law--or at least, it was when we had to do that.

AND, you can ask what the police can do for you, regarding threats.
They may not be able to do anything, unless he actually does something; but cops may be able to direct you to other resources/agencies.

Cops there, may not be up-to-date about anti-bullying/cyber-bullying laws, anti-threat stuff, etc..
That does not mean they are off the hook for doing "due diligence".
IF the Cop has your verbal, & the copies of the texts sent by your brother, the cop might likely also speak with your brother....sometimes they do that...& hear his version.
That's a domestic verbal dispute.

IF things are to a point you fear for your safety and/or your Dad's, there are restraining orders a judge can order.
BUT...they do not usually do that without hard evidence
[[my daughter was beaten up--then we could get a restraining order against that perp, but not before--AND, we had to hand-carry copies of it to EVERY jurisdiction she might travel in, where he might show up and cause a problem, in order to get every jurisdiction to honor that order...crazy ridiculous!]]

You can try to get an order against your brother, since he threatened you, but, unless you have evidence your brother is harming Dad, you cannot get an order protecting Dad against your brother, I think.
[[evidence is something anyone can see, not verbal alone]]

Keep adding more evidence, each time he texts you, or you find communications from him to others, that tips his hand, and substantiates your position.
Note on the calendar each time he does his behaviors at you...time, date, who said or did what....that becomes evidence.
THEN it starts becoming something cops can act upon.
But pretty much, all they can do is report domestic disputes.
Later on, reports may be a good thing to have--things start adding up.
Put your ducks in a row.
It's a lot of work, takes energy and persistence.

You also gotta consider, what battles you really want, and can afford, to struggle with:
==Is fighting your brother's behavior worth it? How? Who really wins?
==In what specific ways will fighting him help your Dad, &/or you?
==If Dad is prevented from visiting with you, even unto his last breath, he still remembers you & will know the truth after he's gone--you are in his heart!
==Your brother will have to struggle the rest of his life, knowing what he's done, & after. [[many sincerely believe--I do]]

In any case, it sounds like you could use legal advice...
Area Agency on Aging usually has free legal consults they can schedule, so you can ask questions, get referrals to resources that might help you.
At least you can learn what you can do to both protect yourself, & maybe even your Dad.

UNFORTUNATELY, some POA's DO have the right to block contact by certain family--if they simply state a named person has been harming Dad/threatening, etc., medical staff MUST block access, until they learn otherwise.
==Medical staff's first duty is to protect the patient, so they will take the word of the POA, or the parent, or anyone else--even if it's lies, if it pertains to Dad's health and welfare. Kinda like when CPS removes kids from suspect parents, THEN asks questions.

It is UNREAL, how common it is for family to go completely haywire, if they think they can get something away from the others.
EVEN when they already GOT it all, they can still be terrible to the one[s] who didn't get something from the parent, out of fear the ones who got shafted will demand some back.
It happened in my family.. The more divided a family is [like, from divorces, etc.], it seems, the more terrible some behaviors between survivors.
Some of my sibs, who already got everything, pretend to want to communicate, yet, if I make the mistake of allowing my heart to lead me into trying to talk with any of them, they cut me off.
I barely get to say Hi--- there's no assurance Mom would get a card, or a call message [not that she'd want one, since she's the one who started this mess].
It's like a knife being turned deeper into my gut, every time they do another thing
--I do not know if or when it will ever be something I can put into a better perspective
--I just keep trying to put it in a better place in my mind, knowing they are pretty sick-headed; I keep working on forgiveness, being thankful they moved her out of here.
It's been heart-breaking & spirit-shattering, what they've done, and occasionally keep trying to do more of.
It became impossible to speak verbally with them--I had to stipulate only emails or letters--they kept twisting words & pretending they never said things they did say.
I just had to cut my losses & keep distance--refuse to allow them to keep sucking me back into their dramas, stop allowing them to kick me when I was already down for the count; they HAD to be kept at distance in all respects, in order for me to keep breathing at all. . SOMEtimes, that is all one can do.
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I have a sister that acts weird too, but she is not violent. I really loved my Dad and he is gone now. Which makes me realize how close to death all of us are. Nothing would stop me from seeing my Mom or Dad. I know if my sister behaved violently towards me everytime we got together, i would avoid her. Nort because I am afraid of her, but because the consequences outweigh the drama. With that said, you should visit your parents at your leisure and when they show up leave the room. Wait and take a break, get something to eat or do an errand and then return. You could also ask the nurse to let you know when Mom or Dad is having visitors before you visit.
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I admire you for sticking to your commitment to your father's well being; however something here is not right. Have the siblings always had difficulties?Perhaps, there is some jealousy over your having been away for so long taking care of your family and the military responsibility. As many of us who have been military spouses are aware of the common belief that we are living "high on the hog" is applicable here. The truth is that raising a family and supporting your spouse's commitment to protecting our country is anything but easy. You have what it takes to ensure that your father recieves the care he deserves, but you probably are going to have to engage responsible professionals. Please protect yourself and I know that you will succeed in your goal of getting the best response for your father; military wives are like that.
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I went to the police after my sister tried to hit me then threatened me with bodily harm. I filed assault charges under the domestic violence laws and she was arrested. She underwent anger management (which did absolutely no good), but I thought it would be enough and I didn't want her to loose her job. I should have been more hard line, but it's too late now. This is in MS. In MS, they are Required to make an arrest if charges are filed. Now, they will try to talk you out of it if there is no blood. Which is ridiculous to me, but they do want you to follow though. I would check into conservatorship laws. It is like guardianship, but for adults versus minors. The physical distance might be an issue. POA does not give your brother the right to break the law or steal your mother's belongings, but it does make that part of the issue civil instead of criminal.
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Wow, so much drama. Let us pray together 9:00 PM EST Sunday, 03/24/2013. Light a candle everyone and say this sweet prayer:

Our Father,

Please hear our prayer. Let your will be done, on earth, as it is spoken in heaven. Remove the constraints, restraints, humans or spirits that are causing the separation of David from contacting his family. May your heavenly angels quickly intervene and make the family come together. Let your will be done this day, this hour, this minute, this moment. As we know, "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them." You are here, and we humbly make this request not for ourselves, but for the sake of our family and loved ones. We remember your works of old. We remember the parable of the prodigal son. We will continue to rejoice and sing praises in your name. Yes, we will continue to sing praises to you dear Lord. We ask this in your son Jesus Name Amen.
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CAN'T BELIEVE (and maybe I Can!) HOW MANY of You "Can Relate" to this situation of 'Sibling' Abuse, and even the last comment here by Kitty, in regards to her Brother being belligerent to her, so that She wouldn't get too close to finding out how much HE was Embezzling!!! OMG!!! Sounded JUST LIKE MY STORY and My Life with MY Brother!!!!!!!!!! God Help and Be with Us All!!!! And may God Help and Be with everyone's "Parents as well!!!" (btw, this Site seems like a GODSEND! love and my compassion to Each of You who are trying to do the Right thing by Your Parents, while also trying to STAY STRONG and Protect Yourselves. It can be a Lonely Road. I'll pray for your
Strength and Courage.
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Lil Debb,
I am so sorry you are going through this and that your brother attacked you. My brother did threaten me and I was very cautious of where I was and not letting him know where and when I was around. I did believe that he could become violent as he had several years before. Did the police or sheriff he ask if you wanted to press charges? Could you go before a magistrate or other person of the jurisdiction? I have come up against the good ole boy system and I am just putting those questions out there. Have you considered Adult Protective Services? Even before you got to the part where you know your brother's behavior is about money, I knew that was what it was about, because that was exactly the reason my brother was belligerent to me. He did not want me to get too close to find out how much he was embezzling because he was scared he would be found out. I would talk with an elder care lawyer.
Best to you and your dad.
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When I called the police to file a report on my sister who hit me, her son , who is a deputy with another department, called the officer who took my report and told him "I" was the problem. So when I got the police report I noticed some things left out. I called the officer and he told me my nephew had called him and he said "I guess there's two sides". My nephew wasn't even present when the incident happened! Influencing another officers police report.....
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My Uncle is POA and unfortunately, he has been listening to my brother way to much. I do not consider them family anymore.
I am trying to get a copy of the Police Report from the Greenwood Police Department, but even though I called 911, I am not listed on the report? I do have multiple text messages printed out from my brothers Boss to myself telling me about the threats against me. I even notified the police about these messages and told them the content, but was never asked to send the entire messages. I will be filing a complaint against the Greenwood PD next week, I will also talk to the Assistant Chief and send the messages to them via e-mail or text if possible. They have hurt me to the core and now they are un plugging the phone so I can not call and talk to dad, without getting a nurse to plug the phone back in. I would say, act like an adult......but the POA IS twenty plus years older than I, and is creating all of this drama!! I have had it.....no more at the expense of my father!
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I also need to add that my husband who is a very calm man, was the one who actually decked this sibling when he tried to break our window out to get at me. He had just had enough of his abuse. We do not condone any violence, and my husband is a business man and man of faith. But that day he had enough of him.
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some people are just defective. move early and fast to get this guy shut out (guardianship lawyer fees may be able to be paid from your father's assets - at least that is how it works in CA). Try getting a small video cam to take with you on visits --- it turns it into evidence rather than "he said/she said". Nothing like a death threat on video to make the police pay attention. Be aware that YOU will have to be on good behavior and don't let yourself get suckered into fights, or lured into battles. Avoid the temptation to "edit" the video. Copy and turn over to authorities (AND your lawyer/Adult Protective Services, etc) immediately if you do get him threatening on video (turn over the WHOLE video, with notes of the time of the threat, so he can't claim that you started it)
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I can totally relate to your situation. I have a sibling that I won't call a brother anymore, he is a little bully. He has done the same to me by trying to attack me. My family literally beat him up.
He has no respect for women, and he is to cowardly to fight men, but he has threatened me several times.
He has never been in any serious relationship and has no children thank goodness. He also has a criminal record. My mother who he now lives with after not having any place to live, caters to him.
I told her he is not right, and that I am through having anything to do with him. I have tried to help him in the past and he repeatedly treats me horrible. He has shown that he has extreme jealousy with me, since I chose a different family life with moral.
I cannot tell you how to handle your situation either except for what the other writer response was about contacting the women against violence colition. I will also be contacting them.
What gets me is that it is usually a spouse who women deal with when it comes to domestic violence. To have a sibling treat us this way is just unbelievable. I have ever been treated so badly by anyone in my life. I am a mother of Christian faith in which this sibling is not. I have a very nice family who are loving and caring. All I can say about these types of people is that they will have to answer for their behavior. Also, I pray a lot, and I will not allow this sibling to threaten me any longer. I stay completely away from him, someday he will be all by himself and will have to live with the fact that he could of had an extended family who would have been there for him. But because of his ways that will never be. I can only hope they get psychiatric help someday because they need it. Best wishes to you.
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