Feeling awful about blowing up but it's hard to feel so unappreciated.

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Feeling awful about blowing up but it's hard to feel so unappreciated.

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Well, I have been taking care of my mom with dementia and working two jobs, plus have a brother and sister that are handicapped that live in our house as well. My brother has a caregiver during the day and my sister and I take care (mostly my sister because I have back problems) of him in the evening. I am the only one that drives, does the finances, gets the pills, runs all the errands, plus works a full time job plus a part time job.

So, everytime I do something it is either not enough or not good enough. Example - my sister had a shopping list of stuff, but didnt include hot dog buns. I didnt know what meals she was planning for the week (my fault I know). Anyway, I got everything on the list, plus stuff my brother wanted, and my Moms perscriptions.

I get home and my sister says "well I guess we will eat hot sausage on bread". Not oh I forgot to add hot dog buns to the list, etc. etc. So frustrating.

Well, last night I got home from work, mom started her routine of telling me how old she is (71) and asking how old I am (43). She has some kind of fixation on age...anyway, she comments its hot in here...five minutes later its cold in here. We go through this daily.

She complained that the light in the hallway we leave on at night is too bright. So, I was trying to find a way to put a lampshade or something on it and here I am up on a chair on my tippy toes trying to figure out how to fix this and she starts asking - what are you doing why are you doing that. Meanwhile, she has dizzy spells and has complaining about being dizzy all day and she is up out of her chair walking toward me. I am trying to keep my balance myself and trying to get her to sit down. She just keeps yelling at me.

I finally yelled back at her and said Mom hush up and sit down for a minute. She flipped on me and I couldnt stop myself. I just went off. I told her I am tired of working so much and coming home and worrying about who is going to be mad at me. I am tired of walking on eggshells and that I wasn't doing anything for anyone any more. With that I made sure she was sitting in her chair and I locked myself in my bedroom.

I didnt leave her by herself. My sister was there with her.

When I went back out to apologize they were both upset with me.

I feel so bad for lashing out, but this is so hard and I feel so unappreciated. But I realize that it isnt their fault that I am the only one healthy enough to do this, so I shouldnt get upset with them. But boy is it rough and I feel like a complete meany ignorant person.....

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K kimmym30 Sep 2013 · Answer 1 · 2013-09-17T08:22:35.000-0400

Im sorry for my comment to Tommy, but aren't we on here for support and not ignorant comments. I am not talking about constructive criticism. Tell me what I am doing incorrectly, but not in an ignorant way. Disagree with me, but respect me because I am a person just like you and have feelings as well.

J JessieBelle Sep 2013 · Answer 2 · 2013-09-17T09:30:55.000-0400

1Tommy is now Medina4. The profile is private, but I don't think the person should be taken seriously from what I do see. Of course, that could change in a few minutes since profiles can be edited just as usernames can be.

G gladimhere Sep 2013 · Answer 3 · 2013-09-17T09:50:12.000-0400

Interesting.

G gladimhere Sep 2013 · Answer 4 · 2013-09-17T09:51:00.000-0400

Kimmy and to say nothing of arrogance!

H Havefaith Sep 2013 · Answer 5 · 2013-09-17T10:30:34.000-0400

I understand completely. You need a break. We try to see them as they were when we were young; our parents - intelligent and coherent. When these terrible remarks are made, we are split. One part of us gives it credence, and the other part tries to cope with the new person they are. Since we still see them as authority figures, the critism cuts deep, but when we try to realize that they are very ill, and they don't understand what they are saying, it makes it a little easier to digest. My mother has sworn at me in public, and humilates me. She pulls guilt trip, and the stress is incredible. Since, she is in a dementia care unit, it gives me the opportunity to leave and "cool off," if I feel she is getting me too upset. I was once told that you do your parent no good if you are in a bad mood. I really think you need a break. Good luck with mom and all things you are dealing with.

G garza5 Sep 2013 · Answer 6 · 2013-09-17T11:03:27.000-0400

Re Tommy's abusive posts: Has anyone ever heard of a T-R-O-L-L?
garza

O orangeblossom Sep 2013 · Answer 7 · 2013-09-17T12:50:29.000-0400

Jessie, how did you find out about the change of profile?
Garza, I just looked up TROLL. On the internet, basically someone who deliberately sends negative messages (particularly on a forum or blog), to antagonize the other posters and stir up trouble. In fokelore, trolls delight in stirrring up trouble and watching the turmoil that ensues (like pranksters). Evidently this type of activity led to the saying: "Don't feed the trolls!" Unfortunately, I and several others did exactly that, and rather vehemently.
I believe our best bet in the future is to totally ignore this person and hopefully he will go away. The fact that he changed profiles make me all the more suspicious of him.

K kimmym30 Sep 2013 · Answer 8 · 2013-09-17T12:54:55.000-0400

Nice Jessie and Garza and Orange. The best way to handle is to ignore. :-)

Thanks everyone for the comments. What would we do without our parents and what would they do without us?

J JessieBelle Sep 2013 · Answer 9 · 2013-09-17T17:18:36.000-0400

Orange, I just noticed his name changed here on the thread. The avatar also changed. I believe the story line changed some, but I'm not sure. Activity is private. I think Kimmy had the best idea for the group -- ignore.

O orangeblossom Sep 2013 · Answer 10 · 2013-09-17T17:48:05.000-0400

OMG, Jessie, I do see that all his previous posts on this thread have the new name and avatar! Thank you for pointing that out. But he couldn't change his words! AHA!! We've still got him pegged.

H hadenough Sep 2013 · Answer 11 · 2013-09-17T18:25:41.000-0400

I lost it with my Mother when I found her cleaning the kitty liter with my favorite cooking spoon. I have bought her 3 tools for scooping the liter but she wants to always use my favorite spoon. So I just gave her the spoon and went and bought the most expensive cooking spoon that I could find and made sure I told her how much it cost. One thing she has not forgotten is how much she loves money. Of course I had to sit around while she told all the family members how I "over reacted" just because she was scooping cat poop with my cooking utensils. Oh well.......

P purplesushi Sep 2013 · Answer 12 · 2013-09-17T21:20:01.000-0400

My aunt had a stroke several years ago - my cousin, a male, has been her caregiver ever since. He has given up his life for his mom, and since she is paralyzed on her left side, that says a LOT about what his life is now like. I have nothing but respect and admiration for what he does for his Mom.

G gladimhere Sep 2013 · Answer 13 · 2013-09-19T01:34:42.000-0400

purple, and your cousin is very fortunate to have your support! There are probably many of us that wish we had supportive family like you!

P purplesushi Sep 2013 · Answer 14 · 2013-09-19T13:07:14.000-0400

They are coming out here for my mom's memorial and burial next week (she is my Mom's sister) - we still have the hospital bed & all the "stuff" she'll need, so my place is the best place for them to stay. I'm looking foward to their visit!

Feeling awful about blowing up but it's hard to feel so unappreciated.

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