It has been over one year now since my Mother's in home accident, and almost that long since I gave up my career and home to take care of her. I am now realizing that all of my life I have tended to be the one in the family who had to let go of my own dreams to handle this, help with that, be responsible for what not. In previous years, I thought of my ability to take on more and more showed that I was strong. I am now seeing that all I was doing was digging the hole deeper and deeper. The only time I have asked for help from my only sibling was met with such harsh hateful criticism that I dare not go there again, which is most likely the intended outcome he desired.
I have gone from believing I grew up in a loving supportive family to realizing I am surrounded by a bunch of selfish, greedy, incompassionate jerks that I foresee if I live through this, not only will I lose my Mother but I will be totally disassociating from my family. I literally hate them...all of them....and worse than that, I hate myself for being so absolutely stupid.
People are filing liens against me right and left, so by the time I am able to sell my home, I will, most likely have little, if any equity left. Mother does little more than sleep all day and when she is awake, she rarely talks to me anymore. I have not been away from this house overnight in over six months. Bitter, angry, fed up and brought it all on myself....what did I think I was trying to prove....
its amazing , u think u knew who they were, but they are acting like ........
well, selfish,narcisistic ,ugly,smelly-etc etc etc
i tell u my tale another time-
but reading your post i had to send u some special hugs,love and good energy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and my stella, who is smiling in the pix next to my name- sends u love and hugs too..
it seems like nothing is worth it anymore- but it is,i get mad because i cannot fix everything for mom- but i cant,never will, so do what u do- and that is so wonderful- but dont forget to give yourself a little hug once in a while and remember to breath!!! i forget sometimes-
sending hugs and love
So sorry about your family, that everything's just fobbed off to you. Do they have other problems, illnesses, unemployment, addictions; too often bad things tend to come at once. My own brother looks after my father (my parents are divorced), and his own family, so I don't bother him too much, but it gets to be a drag and a drain after so many days...
Why is it so hard to do the right thing?
You obviously are depressed and it is quite understandable. When I was going through caregiving and all that is involved; it was Elder Services in the town that gave me the support and guidance I needed. They urged me to seek counseling and I did through the Elder Services program. I didn't want to go as my plate was full and I always kept so much inside. My family urged me to go as well as I was "over the top" with stress. My mother recently passed away, but she was living in a nursing home and it was a lovely facility and after a period of adjustment, like any life change, she was content.
You seem to be at the end of your rope; I hope you can find some assistance. Meanwhile - hugs to you and all that you have done for your parents is so commendable - now take care of you. Blessings and take care.