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Everyday is different nothing stays consistant feeling like a yo-yo. Yesterday my mom was happy today not so much. She is in congestive heart failure and today she told me she is just tired of the x-rays, blood work she said she is just tired of them messing with her. They have done quite a few chest x-rays lately and they have drawn alot of blood because her blood levels are low. Her veins are just blown so everytime they draw blood she bruises terribly and usually it takes a few trys before they get a vein. I told her it was up to her, but then I came back to work and thought what if this stuff they learn will give them things to do that will make her more comfortable. I have a call in to the head nurse to talk to her. I don't like making these decisions. She has a DNR and the head nurse and I have discussed not taking her to the hospital when she has chest pains which she is having alot now. She told the physical therapist who she has got quite attached to that she was dying. I think the dying part will not be near as hard as all this. I know that appreciate the good days and just suck it up and handle the bad ones. Be there for her, but it hurts and quite honestly I am scared of the unknown for her and me.

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In a similar position now and would love to know how things worked out for you ?? xx
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I told my Mama today about Hospice. She did very well. I told her if for nothing else to do it for me. She agreed. I told her they would help her live comfortably .....they were not just there to help her die. She wants all the test to stop, the nurse asked to do one more chest xray and blood work next week and then we would discuss hospice..didn't really understand why only one more but I agreed and tomorrow I will ask my mom if one more is ok. I asked the nurse why they were doing them so often and she said to just make sure nothing else was going on and if they find something they might be able to give her something to help. She is for sure in heart failure that we know and not the early stage either. I still do not understand completely, but if my mama agrees I figure one more is ok. The doctor said she was very close to needing hospice but not quite yet..again after the next blood work and xray we will make that decision. I do not want to wait until she is completely bedridden I think all the help we can get is good. Right? Any comfort measures they can take is good. Her legs are still pretty swollen they stopped PT because she just does not have the energy nor breath. She cannot use her walker any longer only the wheelchair. She is coughing up stuff..stuff that doesn't seem to come up easy. and her blood work is still low. Is there a point that calling in hospice is too early? The head nurse is the one that asked if I had consider it. I just do not want to wait too long. Why do you think the doctor wants to wait ?
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This has become my journal. I went home last night and thought of all family that has passed important to my mom and remember that she has so many there and here is just me. I am going to be fine and I will tell her that. I am now looking forward to hospice coming in to be the mediator between her and I. We just do not have the relationship to deal with this without help. I think today will be a turning point in this journey. I have struggled with, been mad at , gone to therapy about my mom but, in the end I have had an awesome adult life. I have a great husband, two awesome children and 4 beautiful grandchildren. I learned what to do from what my mom did not do. I am not mad at her I have taken good care of her for 15 years (not all of it with a happy mood) I will be with her until her last breath. The strange thing is I have spent pretty much every lunch hour at work with my mom for the last 15 years that will be an adjustment to figure out what to do when she is gone. I prayed today with a new prayer of reminding me what God's promise is..my mama will be in a better place in the end...she is going to have such an awesome reunion. I am also that if God brings me to it.. he will bring me through it.. Faith restored
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You just go from her driving me nuts and just wishing she would just stop to please I am not ready to lose her...I think I am just losing my mind.Being the only child this site has been a God send cause I can just type out feelings good and bad almost like you would to a sibling. No one understands that hasn't been there and their advice is well meaning, but unless you are in it you just don't get it and how difficult and emotional it is. I know my husband would like to have his sane wife back..My grandchildren I am sure miss their sane Nana..I miss her too.
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I just talked to the head nurse at the NH and she is going to talk to the doctor and she suggested thinking about Hospice so I think that is where we are headed. I asked her what to expect and she explained "comfort care" to me. I thought I was ready but you sure wouldn't know it today. She and I have just battled so much over the past few years. I love her and will miss her.
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Wonderful advice, vw9729. Our hearts are with you, t2snana.
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2tsnana - if she does not want to live anymore, it basically falls on morals. It sounds like she is still cognizant to decide this for herself. If she doesn't want to go to the hospital when she's having chest pains again, then maybe you shouldn't force her. But I would check into Hospice, which is what we have done with my mother-in-law who has several medical problems but especially gets urinary tract infections. She has built up a resistance to almost every antibiotic over the years. She has told us for a couple of years that she just wants to die. We kept fighting it but feel it is now time to let her go peacefully - which is why we called Hospice. Just a thought.
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