HELP ME, I'M DROWNING!

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I want to scream "HELP ME! I'M DROWNING!!!" at the top of my voice. I've lost 20 lbs in 3 months from stress. Depression is nipping at my heels. I cry everyday. I need help but I don't know from whom or with what. I crave peace of mind but I have none.

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Hats off to you, RGARDEY! I did all of the things you said to do when I had to find some relief. I found it alone because I was always alone in taking care of my MIL. One day, when I finally couldn't stand anymore, I booked a trip to INDIA and disappeared for three weeks! It was Heaven! Actually, it was HELL ON WHEELS because I had no money and basically spent about $3 US a day there backpacking and walking everywhere. I was often in danger. It was so overwhelming that I didn't have time to think of what was going on back home. Better the chance of me being murdered in a foreign country than to stay where I was. FYI: I didn't tell anyone where I was going except my best friend and no one in the family noticed I was gone for the first 5 days. After I came back, they treated me with respect. And they were really really really MAD that I dared to get away from everyone. I admit this is an extreme measure but I had been full time caregiving fork 17 years and no one was listening to my pleas for help until I was in a place where I couldn't hear them anymore. They are lucky I even came back!
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I very much agree with ferris1: the nursing home staff are now your father's caregivers so you can just be a daughter, not his caregiver. Visit when you can but stop stressing about his care. I envy the fact that you are able to have your father in a nursing home rather than having to provide all of his care at home. I am caring for my husband, who cannot be left unattended for even a few minutes, at home and occasionally pay a lot of money to put him in a "Memory Care Assisted Living" facility a short stay of 4-5 days in order to give myself a much needed break from taking care of him. I still worry about him when he is there but I don't feel guilty and I don't let any concerns I might have spoil the few days of freedom I have. Try to take the opportunity you have to take care of your own health and to enjoy your time with your family and friends.
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Since you dad is already in a nursing home, stop beating yourself up! Let the professionals take care of him and you visit when you feel up to it. No one said you needed to ruin your health "worrying" over another. Do what you can, and let the rest go. CHF and cirrhosis are not "general age-related" health issues. When his liver stops processing the meds he will die. When his CHF gets worse he will die. Either way you cannot do a thing about his condition. Take care of yourself and your family FIRST! Best wishes.
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I felt like the waves were passing over my head too, trying to take care of my 85 year old mom, and my cancer afflicted partner, and my smart but autistic son. I just kept going until I passed out on the floor and came to in the ambulance. Don't let it get to that point with you. Listen to your music, take a walk, have a nice cuppa tea, eat some chocolate. I know, simple stuff, but you don't need complicated. You are only human and can only do so much. Hugs to you and yours.
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Honey, I'm sorry you feel this way. Is it care taker stress or some other stressful issue in your life? I like this website for the opportunity to vent ( yes I admit that) and because I can see I'm not alone. And you aren't either. You may also need some support from the medical profession, and if it is a caretaker situation bringing you down, maybe a real life group would help.
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Some good ideas here. Thank you!
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Oh boy do I feel for you. I have been there. You have to take care of you and that is a must. If you don't you won't feel well and symptoms will get worse. I lost 40lbs in three months and felt aweful. Long story short I got help with therapy once a month to talk and also got on antidepressants. That has helped so much. It took a long time for me to balance myself but for now I'm doing ok. I also was not eating and didn't think much about it. You must make sure you are eating even as hard is it may seem. Take a few minutes out for yourself away from it all and breathe eat drink water close your eyes and just chill. All easier said than done. I didn't think that I needed meds but it sure has helped. I still have days of blah but just going to therapy helps because it gets me away and it helps you focus. I wish all the best. hang in there and please make sure you eat. So important I can't even say it enough. I have started eating again not really good food but food and have gained seven lbs and feel so much better. Take care
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Rgardey...i liked your comment. Especially the last few sentences. They spoke to me too. Give your kid a hug---it's hard for them to see you stressed and sometimes they suffer in this silence. I absolutely think it has an effect on my son...thanks for this reminder and God bless you tooo!
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dunwoody owns it, take care of yourself or there is nothing left! A lot of people here really KNOW what you are dealing with at least parts. Take good care of yourself, do what ever you have to to get safe and sound.
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Just make he has everything he needs, the care he needs from the staff, the basics, books maybe? hand/ eye coordination things, easy memory things, easy remote to work if he needs it, you did your part, nothing else you can do, when you visit, visit with a visual of a POSITIVE visit, not the usual that you walk in expecting, help him turn around his feelings of being there without his family connection, maybe focus on his lonliness issues if that may be and look into you and your brother getting him a daily project to work on or accomplish that will ease his tendancies, I would think you would be a Daddies girl, my sister was,,,, my visits with my dad were tense until I said F**K IT, que sera que sera, and it quickly got better, had to take his attitude and cynism with humour and patience, I new he was ill, but he couldn't accept it, I too am a recovering alcoholic and have issues every now and then with that and it doesn't help when anxiety takes hold....
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