I've finally come to terms with the idea that I can't do this by myself and my dad is probably ready for AL. I took a step today and visited one. there are no LTC beds available and she informed me that IL Medicaid is currently 8 mos behind before they get to processing an application. I am exhausted from the constant worry, the constant heartbreak of watching him, and the guilt when I have to leave him alone at night because I can't take anymore. My sister has been AWOL the whole time - sometimes I feel like dropping him off at her house and disappearing from this area forever and let her figure it out.