I cannot handle my ungrateful mother anymore. When is it my turn to live?

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I need guidance and support. I cannot handle my ungrateful mother any more. I am divorced and work full time and spent everyday taking care of her needs. She lived with my cousin for a few years and she couldn't take it anymore. She was kicked out of Senior Housing for vandalism. My brother is a bum and lives in another State. My children are all grown and I don't share the burden with them. I'm 61, when is my turn to live? I am about to tell her she has to leave and she is 88. I truly do not like her. Help!

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I have been a caregiver for my elderly mother for many years. She is 101 years old and over the past few years has lost most of her mobility. She is often negative, ungrateful and without regard for me or my husband. I feel as though she treats everything we do for her as nothing. We are trying to keep her in our home as she cannot afford assisted living. Not being totally destitute, she does not qualify in home care or assistance. We have very few good days when she is not critical and ungrateful. They seem to be getting fewer as time goes bye. I try to keep positive and treat her with kindness, but it is getting more and more difficult. We pray each day for the strength to keep going as we realize that this is a temporary situation at this point. I only hope that I can remember the better times and not let the past few years ruin any good memories I have of our time together. I feel sympathy for the other caregivers posted above. As bad as some of my days can be, I am fortunate to have a wonderful, supportive husband. Faith that I am providing her with a much better life than she would have without our help. And, comfort in knowing that we are doing the right thing in caring for our elderly parent.
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Exhausted52, are you still posting? Wondering how it is going with your Mom. I am interested in what you have decided to do. Other posts lately seem to be new situations, not necessarily related to your original post. Can you give us an update. Hope all is well with you. Take care.
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My Mother grabbed the keys to the car while I was taking a short nap. I am knew what she was doing but I am soooo tired of policing her. I actually waited on my bed for my Mom to drive thru the garage and kill me. I think I was hoping for that. Anyways of course she could not even find the ignition switch, came into where I was trying to get a little time, thru the keys at me and stated "I cannot find the where this key goes into the car!" I told her that her license has been suspended for almost 2 years so why is she getting in the car anyway. I usually do not join in these circular arguments with her but I have just had it. I do not think that I can do this anymore.
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for Linda5 - you asked a great question but it doesn't seem to need it was really part of this thread and the answers to your dilemma are going to get buried under an unrelated heading. Next can you have a great question, consider starting at a new topic.

Meanwhile, my solutions when my mom was experiencing this problem were Depends ladies' pull ups - as butterfly suggested - (Walmart, Target and Walgreens also have less expensive generic versions that were just as absorbent as the Depends, but the padding was bulkier and my mom didn't like the fit as well) and a fitted waterproof mattress pad - similar to what ladee mentioned - ( I always got mine at Walmart and had already been using them on my own bed because I had a menagerie of animals and a couple of cats that liked to pee on my bedding: I had three mattress pads that I rotated so I could strip the bed when an accident had occurred and had a fresh dry one to put back on immediately).

Then I use one more thing that was helpful but not until I found the right one. At Target, I bought a washable localized mattress pad. About 3 by 4 feet that sits directly under the tush area. Wrong! It was flimsy and bunched up under her. She hated it. I was actually looking for the type a protective padding to used at the skilled nursing facility she had stayed in when she got out of the hospital. Just about the same size but definitely thicker: textured (not as slippery) vinyl on one side and white quilted padding on the other, washable of course. I tried to find them online at a store where I could just go in and buy them. No luck! I finally found exactly what I wanted, which were pads exactly like the nursing home had had, at Dr Leonard's.com and they were perfect.

At the nursing home, they would use these with or without a diaper depending on the patient's needs. At home, I would simply place one over the sheets for my mom in the early stages. She was wearing Depends to but sometimes she would speak them off. Most of the time unless we had overlap where her tush got off the pad, all we had to do was change your depends and change pad. As time we're on, she sometimes didn't like the pad so I solved that problem by placing the pad under the sheet. Then when there was an accident, I also had to change the sheet as well as the underpad. Still easier than changing the whole bed every time.
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"Baqche02" Welcome!!! I'm sorry but the gun to head for 12hrs was better than my mom's lies (Oops, doc said say confused/hullucinating etc..., not lies); I had to laugh out loud..(sorry).
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Oh, and key to her house...But I forced myself into her home/broke in....Wow, it gets better and better everyday.."Got to Love Her". I think I can write a book on this subject right about now....
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Re: tommy1 - I agree somewhat with captain, tommy didn't say anything atrocious but his answers often seem to lean toward being concerned about the abuse mentality. If you read his profile, he has stated that up front and also that he is taking care of a friend. So it looks like he needs support as well, as all of us do, but that he has had or heard about some pretty horrific abuse experiences.

This site isn't all about women taking care of their mothers but, tommy, please try sharing your actual experiences and how YOU came to your way of thinking
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I try hard not to let what my mom say bother me, but my bro (live w/her) was just at my house venting...and he went on and on (good points, and I don't ever mind him venting, and it's def needed w/her); but why mom telling all these lies. My bro told me my mom was just over there on the phone telling relatives, I broke in her house an stole all her important papers ie..deed to house, her will etc...out her house. Mind you, I live 3 blocks away, got a key to her car, her room and know where everything is in her house (important papers are in her closet lock box..she don't know how to open it anymore)....but why did I have to break in..LOL.
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i didnt see where tommy said anything rude or brash. old age and uncertain circumstances will happen to us all. my sons are thoughtless and hateful towards me now, cant imagine them giving a s**t when im aged and ill..
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I agree, you should be living now... My mom is 86, and as of yesterday, she told me to "Get Out, And Don't Come Back"...Me: "OK, no problem, love you, bye". I realize it's the demensia, so I always try to find a lil humor to cope, but really do still love her, as I know you still love your mom too. I worked/and still do, and came by to visit her daily since 07'; My bro moved in w/her 2011, so it's not as bad on me anymore; but I truelly understand where your coming from. My bro (65) threatens to find himself a seniors apt every other day/wk; so it's getting harder on him...and eventually we might have to make other living arrangements.... but we're still trying to hang..w/her request of staying in her house.
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