Depression coming on again.

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I can feel my depression coming on again. Have been doing so well lately. I can't stand the sight,sound or smell of her lately. I feel even worse for feeling this way. Just a viscous cycle. She hasn't even done anything particularly eventful. Starting to hide in my bedroom again and I don't want to. It's just that her pattern of behavior every time I or my husband get around her she immediately starts in on when is this or that going to get done, why haven't we done it, what's the hold up,etc...I am about to turn 55 and my husband is 57 and yet she looks at us as if we are teenagers. I just found out I now have arthritic changes in my lower spine that have been the cause of a very painful right hip which does slow me down. I just feel like screaming shut up for the love of god. She doesn't have dementia, that I could understand, this is just her personality. I thank god for this site that I can ventilate on with people that understand. I read as many of everybody's posts and although I might not comment I think about everybody's situation through the day. Sometimes I just hate her so much, feels good to "say" this out loud. We were never close and because of behavior towards me in a time when I really really needed my mother she literally turned her back on me (rape was involved). Acted like nothing happened. So when she starts blithering on about her sh--t I look at her and think how can you even look me in the face after what you did?

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I too am.an incest survivor needed my mother to protect me and she turned her back on me. I would always cry when I knew she was leaving me with my abuser (her husband, my step dad). She never paid me no mind when I would.cry out to her leaving me in a fetal position by the door as I grabbed on to her legs. She was attending college so she said and having am affair with a neighbor who happened to be married to her best friend. So instead of going to school she would end up spending the day with her lover. My point being. I am angry as all he'll because I am there for her like she's never been for me. My mom has 5Th stage dementia and I decided that as oppose to going into a nursing home, she would come to live with me instead. The abuse that comes out of her mouth is very hurtful and even if dementia is mental decease and I know that it is a fatal decease I reunite to give I'm to her thoughts and outbursts. The other day she.told me that she should have aborted me while she was pregnant with me. To find out while.speaking with my aunt that the reason I was born with deformities if because my mom did in fact try to abort me when I was in her womb. I am the only one taking care of her giving her the very best of life so she doesn't go without. Honor thy mother and father which is what I have lived by. I even buried my abuser because he had no one else so I stood by him till death when my mother turned her back on him as we'll. I guess she felt guilt for allowing him to rape me for 7 years and when she learned that he had a few months to love she threw him out of the house. Now she keeps telling me that I am the blame for her not finishing school and that makes me angry. Every time she mentions it I tell her how she should have left school to protect me from all this incest. She just doesn't get it and she never will. I am a survivor and currently in therapy because she keeps bringing my past back to surface. Thanks for reading my story.
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texarkana, you are a stronger person that I ever could be in being willing to take on the care of your mother and what you have had to endure. My mother had the audacity to tell my husband that my father molesting me as a child didn't happen. She has always been self centered and emotionally needy with a sense of entitlement. Right now she is living independently, but when the time comes she will need more care and it will not be me. Having DPOA for her gives me the advantage to place her anywhere I choose when and if she becomes incompetent. Considering what she has put me through my whole life, I doubt I will be too choosy to where she ends up, except living with me. Never!
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it is amazing that you are sane at all, my heart go's out to you. you are a fantastic person for hanging in there as long as you have, it's all about doing the right thing, l to am looking after mum, an sometimes my head feels like it will explode. God love you for keeping on in the storm.tomorrow will come an with it a brand new start. Good luck an stay strong
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Yes Texarkana, the constant babble is like getting hit in the head repeatedly and you would be better off if she was in an assisted living facility. That way you can visit once a week and she can blahblahblah with the other residents. My husband and brother in law refuse to watch football at their mother's because she will unconsciously stand in front of the TV and blahblahblah. I take care of her two days a week and after only 4 hours I need a long nap. If you don't get her out of there soon, you will go off the deep end. Save yourself.
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My mother finally died in February; I'm also an only child and was her sole caretaker for 12 years. I was on anti-depressant medication, or just would never have survived that nightmare even halfway sane. Please discuss with your doctor; the medication makes a big difference. It doesn't make mom any less maddening, but it makes it much easier to deal with the situation.
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I have to make sure that depression does not take me over. How I do this is I take my anti-depressants as prescribed. I really do not like taking the anti-depressants but I cannot afford to sink into that pit of depression - then I am no good for anyone. Like the previous poster I also make sure she has what she needs and then I take off for the day. Either to a movie, shopping or I also do a little part time job where I make my own hours. She never leaves the house so for me to get anytime I must leave. I have accepted this but I still long for privacy in my own home - I just do not have it at this time in my life. I know that if the depression overtook me I would no longer be able to be a caregiver to my Mother so I do what I have to do to take care of myself so this does not happen. My thoughts and prayers are with you, you are not alone.
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I have started to just walk away as soon as she starts up with her lists of what I need to be doing which starts anytime she sees me.No she does not have dementia,this is her personality.Her mind is sharp as a tack.She is merely becoming more of what she is.I've gotten better about tuning her out because I am careful to make sure her needs ,meds,bathing,basically the activities of daily living are met.She recently lost her yorkie of 8 yrs,I felt really bad about this,so we got her another yorkie puppie and as I suspected I now do all the cleaning up after it,don't mind,I like dogs but she doesn't acknowledge at all that if it weren't for me she wouldn't have gotten another puppy which has made her happy.Doggy duty is just another thing I am supposed to do for her.
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I get up early in the morning while she sleeps I clean the whole house then make her breakfst and lunch after that I RUN AWAY to the nearest coffee shop or friends once ive done my chores? Im off and she cant say a word. When im away from her I know she has everything done for her and if she dares to complain i walk away from her until she realises she is wrong. This is tough but as Ferris says we have a right to shout at her just because they are our parents dosnt mean that we have to put up with crap!
I dont know but my mum was aggressive,abusive and depressed the last 2 years and I went through hell NOW shes calm and appreciative she has her bad mood days but not like before so for now im ok but I know this is going to get worse and I will look after her until I can take no more without guilt. you say your mum dosnt have dementia are you sure? if not then this behaviour is not acceptable at least with dementia we know its not them but the illness if my mum was a bitch for no reason id be gone i can tell you! My advice is ignore her and walk away youd be amazed how they change when they are not getting thier way! I was a nanny and I can tell you NEVER did my kids go through the terrible 2's as I would walk away from a toddler everytime he played up after 3 days he gave up his mother asked me how come he didnt go through this phase "because i wouldnt let him"! Yep I see my mum as a little toddler who needs to be scolded sometimes its the only way i cope!
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I am sorry.I hear you! I finally had to give up.My mom is going to the nursing home this week.I am 51,my hubby almost 65.We are both so stressed!! My mom has dementia,and was a nasty woman before it ever happened.Some days are livable,but too many are not.We aren't gonna live forever,I would like to enjoy what we have left.Hubby had prostate cancer 2 years ago and we know how easily things can go bad!! Here a big hug,and all the people here are rooting for you.Don't let your mom steal your joy.XX
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tex - do you have any treatment for depression? Antidepressants can help and also therapy. Your mum sounds like a pip and that she needs to be put in her place by you drawing boundaries. Glad to read in a later post that you are doing this - keep it up. It will empower you and you will feel better. Not supporting you through rape is neglectful to say the least, if not abusive. Would it be better if your mum lived elsewhere - a seniors complex/assisted living? It sounds like having her under your roof is not good for you. ((((((hugs))))) you deserve a decent life. "When you say “yes” to others, make sure you are not saying “no” to yourself" Paulo Coelho.
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