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If anyone needs a current thread/discussion to go to, I recommend:
"Life after the loss of a loved one".
You're probably right. Desperation may have logged off after her mom passed.
Desperation give it time, there is no time Limit on grief, but I Promice You the sun will shine again, and You will feel great joy come back into Your Life, because while You can't see Your Mom, She will be with You every second for the rest of Your Life, as Those Who We Love Live in Our Heart, and Our Mind Forever. I found Prayer a great comfort to Me, also I Joined the Newly formed voluntry VISIT THE ELDERLY in Our Town which is wonderful since I have always adored Our Elder Generation. So Many are lonely and Live alone, and Love the Company and conversation. These wonderful People are steeped in history, and have wonderful knowledge if We take the time to visit Our Elders and Listen to Their great story of Life it is so fulfilling and rewarding.
I also joined the Legion of Mary and I'm feeling more like My old Self, as I'm after winning back My zest for Life again.
True, though Desperation could still be missing his/her mom. Heck I think often about my dear uncle, and it will soon be 8 years.
I think it also helps to understand that she is always with you in spirit through God. Also think of her in a beautiful place. no more pain nomore sorrow.. With her own mother and father and other loved ones.
It makes me smile sometimes when I think of the people my beloved deceased will meet there in heaven. Always one person who will ease my heart and concern is up there waiting.
We get blessed, those memories are with us forever. They are with us in memories and what they have instilled in us just the itself is always with you.
So cheer up my sister. your mother would want you happy and enjoying what is left of your life cherished and loved and happy. you have a husband there pushing you, loveing you. Cherish these moments and blessings while they are here.
The older the get the more pain we experience the more people we see move on. Try and spend what's left loving and making more beautiful memories. That is the way I have felt since my father passed on. To give love and make sure my loved ones know i love them. The memories and what he instilled in me, i passed to my son and i see him over and over in my heart, in my son, in how he does his family, in other kind hearted loving people.
She is right there, will always be...
I have bipolar I which means I have times of great highs known as mania and great lows also called depression when I sleep for 14 hours a day, don't feel rested when I get out of bed or like doing anything the rest of the day, often do not take a shower, brush my teeth or check my blood sugar level. My meds have had to be adjusted and I'm finding therapy helpful, but tough when it comes to not letting my moods control me.
For example, if I wait until I feel like taking a shower, I'm not going to. If I wait until I feel like getting out of bed as well as wait until I feel like I actually do something during the day, then I'm not going to. Plus, when I sleep in super late and let the feeling of not feeling like do anything control me, it is then tough to go to bed at a decent time and get to sleep in a reasonable amount of time. None of this is easy and some days I do better than other days, but I am making progress. So, I'd say pick one simple thing to do and motivate yourself by thinking about how good you will feel when you accomplish that one simple thing. Then, build from there.
Right now, you are overwhelmed with grief. You may need to ask your doctor for an anti-depressant to help you work through this time of grief in all of its stages and you may benefit from talking with a clergy person or a therapist.
I wish you well and I wish your husband was more empathetic.
When my Dad died it took at least a year. I am dreading the time when I loose my sweet mom. Hugs!
My husband would probably react the same; not that he isn't loving and supportive....he is scared and worried about you. In his own way, probably grieving for your Mom as well. Both of your lives have changed and it takes time to adjust.
I agree with everything said above and pray you will soon find peace and joy in moving on.
You will miss your mother forever, and remembering the loss will always be painful, but it will become more manageable over time.
You are up and logging into this site. That is a good sign.
I don't know your husband's personality or his reasoning, but I know it would concern me very greatly to see someone I loved unable to get out of bed all day, unwilling to shower and take care of themselves, eating only junk, and unable to answer the phone. I would want that to end, too. It is not so easy to "snap out of it" but I understand the wish that it could happen.
You took care of your mother for many years. You need to turn those caregiving skills toward your own needs. You can get by on junk food for several days, but do start feeding yourself more nourishing food. Maybe not a big meal, but a cup of soup, then next time a piece of toast with peanut butter, hot chocolate made with milk -- think of some comfort foods that will give your body strength. Getting dressed and going for short walks will also be healing. If you don't answer the phone you won't have to deal with junk calls, but when friends call, try to talk to them briefly, even if it is just to say you aren't able to talk now and to thank them for calling.
You are a worthy, unique, caring individual. You deserve to take care of yourself, even if you don't feel like it right now. Surely it is what your mother would want. It is what your husband wants. And as a fellow-caregiver it is what I want for you.
My husband died last week. I find that keeping busy is therapeutic for me. Yesterday I spent getting pictures ready for the memorial service. What is good for me might not be good for you. Each of us handles our losses in our own ways. Cut yourself some slack. But do try to take care of your body even when your mind is in such pain.
Personally, I think going to a therapist is a great gift to oneself. Find one you really like- if you do not connect with your first try do not feel bad about changing. Sometimes it takes a few attempts at finding a good therapist. I know this from experience. But it will really really help. You mentioned you had a mass for your Mom- so I am guessing your are Catholic. I have turned to my priest in times of counseling and he was very supportive. I called the office and asked to meet and he was very kind.
But first I would -as hard as it may be- try to getoff the junk food. I totally do that-my therapist calls it carb loading-when you at depressed. Your body does crave those kinds of food.. It is hard to not eat them but if you can get your diet better balanced you -physiologically - will feel better. The same with exercise. Try try try to get up and walk for 30 minutes a day. It will make your body heal even when your mind doesn't want to. Depression is very physical. I would not worry about trying to "snap out of it". I would just try to walk for 30 minutes a day, eat a little better and then grieve the way I want. This is my opinion-this is what I would do. I think that as long as you are not harming yourself you should be able to set your own parameters of grieving.
Blessings to you.