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I thought this is a good place for one liners. To share, laugh, get off your chest
Mine is....
sometimes when mom is complaining I say "Just shut up already! !" In my head

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My dad will complain about something somebody did to him 40 years ago. I say, don't worry about it, you won, you are still here and they are taking a dirt nap! Not very nice, but it does result in a changed subject!
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There are times when my parents want me to drive them somewhere [I hate to drive], I will tell them "Can't I need to go back to work". That works because we live under different roofs. And going back to work mainly means I am going upstairs to my home office :P
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Sometimes i say we're out of something because I'm tired and don't want to cook it
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