Can't stop being angry at my mother.

I'm probably being too literal, but what I have real trouble with understanding is how you reconcile "my mother did something so dreadful years ago that it made me realise what a terrible person she was and sever the mother/daughter bond" with "then I let her move in with me out of a sense of duty." I don't see how both of those statements can be true. Either 'severance of bond' or 'sense of duty.' These, to me, are mutually exclusive concepts.

Does your mother know how you feel about her?

My mthr and I (notice, she's missing something inside) parted ways 8 years before she needed major help. I worked a lot on my mental health in that time, and it was the healthiest time in my life. Then APS called, and I gained 10 lbs in the next month, just thinking about her. I understand your situation. I check into my online support group for my abuse issues on a daily basis!!

So we brought mthr "home", but took her straight to a memory care facility where she could not escape. I've gained another 30 lbs, and I'm in therapy, have her in a home, etc! I understand wanting to protect yourself from the evil.

You screwed up by allowing yours into your home. As Dr. Laura says, she tore up her mother card a long time ago - so it's time for you to grow a backbone! (Dr Laura's radio program can be listened to online pretty cheap if you need some extra support) I call my mthr her first name since I don't feel she is anything but a bio mom. That helps me with reality vs perceptions. And by referring to her as mthr in writing makes it plain that I'm not talking about the sweet one most people have. "When mothers were being passed out, I was in the wrong line."

You are going to have to get that woman out of your house. There are going to be several methods of good riddance. I searched this forum for evil mother threads, and they are out there. Ignore the sweet gals who make you feel like you are the bad one. They don't know what evil is. You need the hard line to protect yourself!

You can get that woman into the ER and admitted one way or another. A physical injury, suspected flu, or a threat to kill herself work equally well. Once she's in, you refuse to take her home, and the social worker will get her a placement. She may be on medicare, and a ward of the state, but that is ok - that is what they are there for, when people come to the end of their options. And she's done.

Don't give her the chance to accuse you of elder abuse. She will try if she is there long enough. You must get rid of her, the sooner the better. Prepare yourself. Document every thing. You can do this.

Hey, countrymouse, when you are in an abusive mother situation, you are torn between the ideal of the office of mother and the reality of this evil being who gave you her DNA. It's a hard place to be, trying to balance taking care of yourself and setting boundaries, and trying to satisfy societal expectations and the ideal of saintly motherhood. It is very hard to reconcile this without having close family who supports you, a therapist or two, and perhaps a prescription for antidepressants.

Mom moved in one year ago and took over my home, my thoughts, my marriage, my LIFE as she did my entire growing up years. She was abused by my Dad and I experienced that abuse right along with her as. I know she had no control over my Dad or her situation but as a result of this abuse I think I was horribly neglected. I couldn't talk on the phone without her listening, she manipulated, and my very thoughts were scrutinized the entire time she lived with my husband and I. Her manipulation included taking pot-shots at me continuously in ways that would only be apparent to me and her - passive/aggressive? To everyone else she "appears" so sweet and nice but I'm the only daughter and noone knows what I have been through. She studied me for the entire year she was here and she learned from me how to be close to my children and Grandchildren and I yes I am resentful and angry that she took on my identity!! I wish I didn't feel like this - I continue to make sure she is taken care of and has a nice apartment now. My husband and I take her to church every Sunday and I try so hard to be a good daughter but I fall short due to how angry I feel.

OMG texarcana, your life sounds like mine. I, too, do what I have to do to keep her safe and healthy but the rest of my life is spent in my room. I also try not to feel this way but I find it hard to feel a sense of closeness to my mother. I never have I don't think. Trouble is, I have to be the one to care for her as she is an inconvenience to everyone else's lives. My only respite is the hours I have at my PT job. I haven't figured a way out of it yet. Finance is always and issue for any other kind of care.