This is part rant and part question. I have been a live in caregiver for my mom for 2 years now. She has vascular dementia. I actually own a home out of state and left my life and job to care for her. Long story short, after fighting a lawsuit against her brother who stole a large amount of money, and working with elder law attorneys to get her finances up to speed, I have tried twice to move Mom out of state to assisted living near me. Both times failed. I contacted my local caregiver resource center to ask for help since they offer classes and counseling. I "qualify" for counseling but was put thru the ringer with questions like, "Why don't you just move back to your state if you are so miserable and depressed caregiving?" (I am an only child and my father is dead) I said there is no one to care for my Mom. "Well have her get a reverse mortgage and call APS." I said, can you tell me what would happen if I do that. 'The county comes in and cares for her." But how? People in white coats come in and take her where? "They just take care of it." I try to tell her that I can't just abandon my Mom, can you?........Anyway, she made me feel as if I was weak and wrong for not living my life, and made me feel worse for asking for help. Asking for someone to talk to. I have asked doctors and lawyers and social workers and no one can tell me in a clear way exactly who determines incapacity and then what happens. And then, insurance doesn't cover care anyway as far as I understand. Thanks for listening, this site has been great.