I'm in a situation that is getting progressively worse. In late 2007 my three children and I moved in with my parents as I was widowed in 2005 and found it hard to financially support three children and a house. My parents were in their late 70s at the time, and although my mother has neuropathy and is frail, my father was in fairly good shape.
I am the oldest of three children. My brother is married with two young children, and my sister is married with no children. They each live about 45 minutes away.
Since the time I moved in, my father had a major stroke and died in 2010. My mother recently broke her hip and was just discharged from the rehabilitative facility. She seems to be getting worse instead of better. She is constantly complianing about Meals on Wheels food that I have delivered, and in general refuses to help herself. She won't eat any of the meals even though she knows I am at school in Manhattan Mondays and Tuesdays and cannot cook for her on those days.
There are a few issues here. In 2010 I lost my job and one of the reasons was because I had to take too much time off to help out my parents. When my father died, I handled everything. My brother and sister did not help. The financial arrangement I had with my parents prior to my losing my job was that we would split the bills 50/50. I also helped with making some repairs on the house. Unfortunately, I did not document this. Since my father died, I have handled everything regarding my mother. She has become totally dependent on me. Again, my brother and sister do not help. Financially, it has been devastating for me. I have gone through all of my personal savings since I've lost my job, and as I am the power of attorney and was on my mother's accounts, I have had to use money in those accounts as well. I am terrified because the house is in my mother's name and when she passes, it goes to all three of us children. I am nervous that my brother and sister will try and force me out of the house.
I am worried as my brother and sister have the attitude that because I live there, I am solely responsible for everything having to do with my mother. It's like having another child. I still have not found a job and I am retraining to become a licensed esthetician in New York State. I will be done in January 2013 and plan to look for a job in my new field.
When I try and bring up the subject to my mother that soon I hope to be working full time and cannot afford to stay home and take care of her, she refuses to discuss it. When I mention that my sister and brother are well off financially and can afford to come down every once in awhile to do something for her, she refuses to discuss it. There are times I feel as if I am being punished for having to live there, but she cannot live alone. She is very nasty to me at times and has told me that I'm not supposed to have a life because my "time is over" (meaning me and any opportunity I could have). She has even said I should "kiss her feet" because if it weren't for her, I would be out in the street. A part of me feels she deliberately doesn't help herself in order to force me to quit school and have to stay and take care of her.
I am very angry at my siblings for not helping and for not even calling. My brother calls once a month, my sister calls once every two weeks and visits once a month. Her husband told my oldest daughter that my sister doesn't like to come here because it gets her anxious.
I am at the point where I cannot stand it anymore. I also feel that since my brother and sister are not involved by choice, they shouldn't be entitled to a portion of the house. We live in Connecticut, very close to New York State.
I am truly at my wits end with this situation. I am so afraid that if my mother dies, I'll be out of a place to live. I'm afraid if she gets worse, I will be the one bearing the burden of full time care of her. All I want to do is go back to work and get on with my life.