Mom has been living with me for one year. It's not been easy on either one of us to adjust to living together. I had lived alone for over 30 years and mom for 13 years. There are days when I just want to tear my hair out. It's the usual stuff, she is depressed, sad, lonely and board and refuses to do anything about any of it. None of my ideas about going to the senior center or talking to her Dr. about something for depression goes anywhere. I've come to the realization that I can not make her happy and that it is not my job to do so. If she wishes to be misserable, that is on her, not me. Oh, I feel guilty about something just about all of the time. Even now typing this! But what really has come to my attention is that I have forgotton who I am. I work a full time job and then come home to take care of mom. She is pretty good alone, I just need to keep an eye on her. Make sure she takes her meds. eats something and moves around and walks some each day. She has a bad heart, COPD and is on O2 just about 24/7. I feel guilty if I go anywhere other than to the store for groc. or to pick up her meds. I've suggested we go somewhere for a weekend, but she is too tired and doesn't want to "lug around all the stuff she needs" and I just can't make myself go ahead and go alone. It's tough when we have gone on a day trips, she can't walk hardly any distance at all without being out of air, so I find places that have wheelchairs that I can use to push her around. I have forgotton what I used to do on my days off. I have forgotton what it feels like to relax. With her mood swings I feel like I'm walking on egg shells, just waiting for the next bomb to drop. I have friends, but I don't know what to talk about with them about except my mother. What did we used to talk about? I can't remember. I have some friends that I don't want to talk to, because they know I don't like doing this, but I'm the only one, so I have to try to make the best of it. I tell myself that someday she will be gone and then I will have the time to find myself again. Then I take a deep breath and move on. It's like I live with someone that I love, but there are days when I don't even like her. Another deep breath. So what to do, when you are taking care of someone else and in doing so, lose who you are? Like I said at the beginning, we have only lived together for a year. No one knows how many years they have left to live, but will I find myself in time somewhere down the road? Yes, I believe I will, but I guess what is important is the journey I take to get there.

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I hear Ya! am living with my mum (in her house?) for 4yrs now not by choice i lost my job in UK and had to return to Ireland to mums as was running out of money and recession hit so no job.
In these 4yrs ive had an accident,then a burst appendix, a breakin then my mum fell and broke her arm. Yep 4 rys of hell im waiting compensation and a court case since the accident am fully recovered and WAS looking forward to moving on to better things.......POW in the last 3yrs i noticed my mum was acting strange doc said depression family agree? I tore my hair out trying to get her help and convince my family that something was wrong. I was kicked out of house,verbally abused by family that mum was stressed because of me? a living hell!
Today its 10 ten days since shes being diagnosed with Dementia which is what i presumed. Family in shock and cant look me in the eye so to speak?

Every night I go to bed and ask myself WHO AM I how did I get here what the hell happened to me my personality wheres the fun loving girl who had friends a life,money, a date?

In 4yrs ive had no help or support from family apart from one brother who lives abroad BUT he phones every night!

I have never felt so alone and like you caring for a very ill mum. She is early stage dementia so still a bit independent but alot of care re meds,cooking etc..

After 4yrs of hell I am beginning to see some light at the end of this tunnel my money will come soon and if I am to take care of mum then it will be in my own home on my terms OR she goes into a home. I will look after her until I can no longer cope. We ALL wish our parents to live and die in thier own homes the ones they paid for and worked so hard for.THIS is not always that simple or for the good of those involved YOU included. I want to do whats right by my mum keep her out of a NH until I feel I really cant any more. I feel absolutely no guilt about this as noone can look after someone 24/7 ALONE its not possible.

You sound like you are fit to drop weve all been here! We cannot do this alone we need help. Its sounds to me that you may have no choice but to get help from outside even for 2 nights a wk OR consider a NH.

My mum so far so good is ok for now and i go to my friends house 2 nights a wk to watch a movie if I dont my mum will outlive me! I NEED these 2 nights to try and get some rest and switch off from "MUM"

You are caring for a very sick parent which is unbelievably stressful IF you dont get a break you will get ill.

Get her outside help and start rebuilding who you are I am here in same boat but will NOT let her illness destroy me. Like you and many others I love my mum I am doing ALL that is humanly possible to care for her why on earth would I feel guilty?
We do what we can until we start to decline ourselves dont let this happen get a regular break and you will cope alot better with mum and enjoy what precious little time is left with her!

Big HUG I couldve written this! xx

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