Always seem to be apologizing to others.

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Yep, that's me. Apologize-r extraordinaire, Or maybe I just have a lot of excuses. I just read the article on care takers blow ups and apologizing. Wow, how did they know? My brothers adopted daughter whom is now 31 years old made a comment to me 6 months ago about how I took care of HER Grandmother, well, that did it for me. I let her have it full force and she gave it back. We were done and over and life would have went on but my brother, his wife had to butt in. They never asked me or my mom what happened they just listened to what my niece had to say. This is why my brothers don't help me. They are mad at me! You'd think they'd love their mother enough to help her out by helping me but no..... just how many ways do I have to say I am SORRY to people!!! The past 2 Christmas's I have been here. I always make a big Christmas but I am dreading it this year. It will be just me and mom. I can't stand the thought of being here either. I've tried so hard to make things right but I cannot win with these people here. I can see how easy it is to drive everyone away from you when you're stressed out and overwhelmed. :(((

I don't get why I am so afraid to pack this place up, sell it and leave!?1? Least I'd have my job of 13 plus years back that I loved so much if I took mom and left. I asked her doctor about it and she looked at me weirdly saying it would be hard for her to adjust but she would eventually.

My head hurts, my eyes hurt from lack of sleep and I think I am in a super pissy mood today and don't want to get up off the couch, maybe I will just take the damn day off!! We have pizza :) I always feel like I have to do things and entertain mom all the time. She never EVER naps.

Thank God for the dogs, least they don't get snippy with her :)

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Jeanette - thank you for starting this thread. I love to see your assertiveness in handling this situation. I am doing the same as you. All my duckies are getting in a row because when this situation changes (which it will) I am going to be covered.
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JeanetteB, soon after I decided to stop asking for help I felt much better. I just pretend I am an only child. My friends do more for me and mom than our own family. My husband asked me a while back if I was better off with them or without them. I thought on this for a while and realized all they have done is brought drama into our lives. I know now I'm better off without them.
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Seriously...your brothers came on TG, with overnight's notice, and had the audacity to ask you for something to eat? Are you kidding? And yummy or not ("l cooked the worst meal"), you actually made them something??

Nooooooo!!! They should have thought ahead, made plans with you, ordered one of those Marketplace spreads, a holiday meal with all the trimmings, and brought it over as a gesture of goodwill and acknowledgement that you need a break. Maybe in a few days, when you could approach them with some level of calmness and suggest they do something like that if they'd like to come over at Christmas time. They are clearly not going to think of it on your own. OMGosh!
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Good for you Jeanette. My sister pitched a fit when I suggested that I get paid so that we could spend down my mom's money so we can get her qualified for Medicaid. I wasn't even asking the maximum because I knew that would really send her over the deep end. She and I both share the DPOA and the attorney and Medicaid caseworker recommend that she sign the caregiver contract for my mom rather than I sign a contract with myself.
Medicaid does allow it in certain states as a legitimate pay down expense. Keep all your records and keep track of your expenses so that you can deduct those from your income.

I had been treated like a doormat for much of my life and decided that it was no longer going to be that way. I am happy to see that you are standing up for yourself.
And, I know what you mean when you see others going out and having a great time and enjoying themselves when you yourself have to stay inside catering to the needs of someone else. I love my mom too, but to have ones siblings expect it of you is another thing.
I guess that is what bothers me. I do these things out of kindness and love, BUT when people start expecting me to do it rather than asking me to do it, then I feel used.
Take care of yourself and check into respite care. It’s good to see you taking control of some of these issues.
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JeanetteB - I'm a pathological peacemaker. Just one little point.

For a guy, showing up at your house could be interpretted as a major diplomatic rapprochement. I know it wasn't convenient, but it says to me that they don't want to cut ties. It doesn't mean you have to accept it or cater to them in any way. It just seems better to keep family ties in existence when you can.

You go, girl. Take care of yourself.
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Jeanette you go girl...take care of yourself...!!!
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((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) get yourself onto a situation to hire someone so you can get out on your own. You deserve that.
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One more bitch....

I see on facebook how my 2 brothers who live here go out almost every single day hunting, fishing or horse back riding...(they work seasonal) so yeah....I sit in this house for days at a time...some good, some bad...do you think they'd give up a day outdoors to spend inside with their mom and let me go have fun? Apparently not. I'm tired of asking them also. When they do spare me some pity and take me out fishing or floating the river, I have to hire and pay someone 100.00 bucks while my oldest brothers wife sits at home on her ass.

OK

done now :)
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Exactly!!

I've been reading this site for a very long time now. I SEE so many similarities it is downright scary!! I'm not a doormat. I am a good, kind caring person who occasionally gets tired and pissed off at other people when they come over here expecting me to cater to them. I cater ALL DAY LONG!

I don't expect any problems out of them concerning me getting paid. The oldest already said I should be paid for this. It certainly is not going to be the $200.00 bucks a month my dad said I could get when he was here. LOL Uhm dad, times have changed :))) It will be a fair amount, it will all be legal, taxes will be taken out and paid separate. I have did a lot of research on this and it seems it is legit and accepted as a fair expense as far as medicare, medicaid and va may look at it.

There is no way I am going to become a hermit in this house. NO WAY! I will get all my duckies in a row right now as it takes time for some of this to go through....I know one day mom won't be able to leave like she can now so I know it will get worse and I will need to hire someone so I can too have a life. If there's a will, there's a way.

All of my siblings are older brothers. They have the "she's the woman take care of me" mentality. I don't think so.

This is hard enough of every single one of us caretakers as it is....I just don't get it
nor do I really want to.
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JeanetteB. - kudos to you! As long as you are lying down you will be used as a doormat. Time to stand up for yourself The first year that I lived with my Mother my sibs would visit and expect to be fed and entertained! What??? When they come here is my time for respite for what I want or need to do , and that is not feeding and entertaining my sibs. I cannot even begin to tell you the power struggles that went on in my family and most of it was about me getting respite. So selfish of them. After about a year I became very resentful and angry so I really had to decide how to deal with this issue. It was not easy but they are slowly coming around. Now when they visit I leave to do my own thing and it is nobody's business except my own. I sacrifice on a daily basis and deserve and need time and so do you. Get everything in order, get strong because there are probably going to be challenges along the way.
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