The abuse continues.......abused by 88 year old mother!

I've been in a similar situation here which ended today ..my fIL lived with my family for 10 monthes ..I went from a peacefully home full of laughter to being cussed at almost daily ..the reason I think he ended up staying as long as he did was he was sneacky he would do it when he thought my husband wasent around ..he wold act nice to me when he was and when he got me alone usually in the car or in his room he would accuse me of horrible things cuss me out and put me down ...I tried to communicate to my husband what was going on the my fil would tell "his side of the story " with outright lies about what I said and did ...finally he did the inexcuseable whille in the car one day he was angry and cussing me out and threateded to grab the automatic gear shift whille we weregoing 70 ...and then he did it ! I was so shook I stwped out of the car and called my husband and told him what he did ...well that was it ..he moved him out today ..for the few weeks it took to find him a place to go Ihad regular nightmares about him hurting me ...I choose not to be another women in his life that he victumizes .. home should be a place of peace ...

Monteal, good riddance. And you are absolutely correct. HOME should be a place of joy, happiness and relaxation. I'm glad to know that your family will be getting back to normal life now. That fool could have killed you both.

If I ever meet a man and there are elderly parents in the pic who may need care, I plan to make it very, very clear that taking care of them or dealing with their alz or dementia, even part time, won't EVER be my job. **twitch** I don't care if the man is made of solid gold.

I've been taking care of my mom for 18 years. She is 91 and has been abusive to me my entire life. There is NO DEMENTIA!! Her memory is spot on. She is just mean!!! No one will come around her. She runs off any kind of home health. Nursing homes say they cannot take anyone who is just mean with no dementia. She tells me everyday that she will NEVER go to a home and no one can make. I'm told she wishes she had aborted me...... She hates me..... I'm a fat puke and on and on. She is obsessed with her bowels. She takes laxatives one right after the other then she dehydrates and it's another ER visit. They hate her. She refuses to wear a diaper or any underwear. She messes the bed and I have to clean it. She's made an old woman out of me and stolen my life. I never go anywhere or get to see my daughter and grandkids. She ruins every holiday. The family hates her. I have one brother. He has Alzheimer's. it's only me and her doctors tell me it's me they worry about because she has always been a hypochondriac. They don't listen to her. I had years of counseling. Did not help at all because I have no help and can't get out of the situation. The doctors have told me she will live another 10-15 years unless God has another plan. So I feel she will outlive me. Anyone out there that is younger than me in the same situation........GET OUT NOW!!! RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK. It's too late for me. I saddled this horse and I will ride it to the end. I would give anything if I had walked away as a young woman. But I allowed her to steal my life. I don't have many years left. Maybe someday I will have a little joy.

Reading the comments is helping! So many if us are dealing with this situation. I am trying very hard to not have the "prisoner" mentality but it is very difficult some days. So many of us are struggling with this.

I would not keep her at home. I am leaving my boyfriend over his Mother. She is running his life and causing him health problems. She thinks she can do that to me too. We are considered servents and we are supposed to come running for anything she demands. She refuses to wash and screams our names all day. He is used to it (well, he wants her at home but he gets angry and his Bp goes up) I cannot stand it. She calls me a b**** and tells everyone how much she hates me but she has the nerve to call my name to do something for her. It is constant. I'm gone.

I agree with the person who said RUN AND DO NOT LOOK BACK! They (the nasty, demanding, manipulating, abusive ones) do not deserve the devotion and sacrifice they are getting. They expect it. My boyfriend's Mother was never even a good Mother (lets say narcissistic). My own Mother deserves my devotion. She is a wonderful Mother, the kind that was always there, my best friend. I would do anything for her.

Silver, the next time you take her to ER tell them she CAN NOT come home with you, then its on them. It can get messy, but it;s off your back

I see a pattern here. A lot of people who were abused either physically or emotionally or had a parent who manipulated them their entire lives still want to please that parent, they are still looking for that sweet, loving, caring Dad or Mom. Forget it. They will always be who they are and worse. A tiger does not change its stripes. Do not let life pass you by like my boyfriend is doing. He will due a lonely man and probably bitter at his Mother for what HE ALLOWED her to take from him, his whole life. No wife, kids or social life. She never even said I love you. You are NO LONGER THE HELPLESS CHILD! GET AWAY FROM HER/HIM while you still have a chance to live. Are you waiting for their permission? It will NEVER be granted.

My mother has always been a bitter person .. it's just gotten worse. I feel for ya ..

How I sympathise. I care for an elderly aunt. I do my best, take her out as often as possible. A few hours after each outing she starts the abuse. The most trivial thing starts it off. Today a friend I don't see often rang, the talk turned to cat food. This didn't suit. She said she didn't want to pay for such calls. She doesn't, I was using my mobile. I find this abuse and lack of understanding totally unacceptable. The abuse is undeserved with the use of filthy name calling. All my requests to not direct filth at me are unheard. I resent this. It leads to violent arguments which make me feel ill. I vow if she goes into care I won't just have a rest day, I won't visit all. This behaviour is ruining my life, I'm not a young person.

Roscoe sorry to say this but it sounds like you are "comfortable" with all the negativity that's going on. (Consciously or subconscious ) you complain but that seems that is all you are doing but somehow it seems you are afraid to
Change out of a terrible situation for fear you will lose all the "negativity" and you
Seem to thrive on it. I think if you REALLY want to
Do something and not just "vent" than you have to talk to a professional in showing you step by step how to change. Period.