I've had to take over care of both of my parents and I'm overwhelmed and confused.

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My mom started to show signs of Parkinson's 8-9 yrs. ago although for 3 yrs. of that time I couldn't convince her to go to a Dr. to get a diagnosis. She started losing wt. 8yrs. ago and has steadily lost wt. until she has now lost 70 lbs. About a yr. ago she started to forget things I had told her on the phone & she forgot appts. . The Dr. kept upping her PD med even as she con't to lose wt. One day she began hallucinating. I thought it was her meds. I told her Dr. and he seemed more concerned about the fact she had passed out several times than he was about her seeing people, animals, etc. He just ignored me when I told him about hallucinations. By this time she had called police for a burglar that wasn't really there and the fire dept. We didn't know what was happening but it scared us. How did someone who had healthy lose this much wt. this fast and then start hallucinating and being confused? Then 1 day something changed or happened and she wandered off and didn't know where she was, had locked herself out of the house. Got to hospital where she was taken by police and she was glassy-eyed and didn't know what had happened or why she was there. She was evaluated and diagnosed with dementia. They said she had some old small mini-strokes on her MRI but nothing new.
I just don't understand what happened so fast. Between when her confusion started and she was diagnosed with dementia was less than a yr. Her symptoms all seemed mixed with the Parkinson's and those meds and we just seemed to lose her so fast we're still in shock.
My dad is in early stages of dementia. I have had to jump in and take over finances, their medical care, everything for them. I'm disabled myself and I'm so overwhelmed and can't do this all by myself. I need help but don't know where to get it.

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My father yells at my mother constantly and he has grabbed her arm and caused her arm to become bruised. Another time he was trying to stop her from doing something and he ended up pinched her arm and caused a skin tear. That's why they want to separate them - so he's not yelling or doing anything to bruise her or cause skin tear. But I don't know how we're going to pay 2 rents and they won't give us a break on the price plus they are charging us $1500 for transferring rooms. We're only doing this because they insist we must separate them to protect mom. They have a living room and bedroom in their current apt. I was wondering, if dad would cooperate, if we could make that into 2 bedrooms to avoid paying additional rent. What do you all think ?
I don't want my mother to be upset or constantly yelled at or bruised but I hate to separate them. I don't know what to do.
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Yes, it is torture to watch. Glad they are in a facility and that you don't have that burden on your shoulders, too. Have you looked to see if there's another facility that would allow them to remain together? Make sure their doctor orders them separated, not just the staff of the facility. I suspect they will of course tell the doctor what they want done and why, but let him or her make that decision, not the facilities' administration. I was a hospital administrator for many years, so I know the games that go on in the financial office, and although I hope it's not the case in your parents' situation, they could be smelling their money double. They are in business to make money, after all, and everyone seems to forget that. You have to look over their shoulders ALL THE TIME. Very few facilities are managed well, and even fewer manage their budgets well, and even fewer can actually make any money, unless they cheat or scheme.
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Regarding your mom's rapid decline: mine "went" in what appeared to be less than 6 months, from almost fully functional to just about completely dependent, and then hit a plateau and stabilized for another year, and another decline followed shortly after. I've only seen one other person decline that quickly: mom's best friend. She declined in less than 3 months, never had a plateau and went straight into the Sundown phase. No time for anyone to really even figure out what was going on, the doctors were even baffled at how quickly it happened. Some take their time, and others go quickly.
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I forgot to say but they are in assisted living right now. My dad can't accept my mom's dementia and the behaviors that result. He yells at her all day. The nursing admin. and social worker feel they should be separated so both will have better days but they have never been separated in over 50 yrs and my dad is very upset at the thought of being separated. Then we will be paying for 2 rooms and the facility won't give us a break on the rent and we can't afford that. Mom is 100lbs now and it hurts me so much to watch her just waste away. This is like torture.
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No, you can't do all of this by yourself, and lucky you: you are smart enough to recognize that. You are going to need in home care help, if the decision is made that you're going to try to handle this at home, at least for a while. You will find a lot of good advice and suggestions for getting the hired help you need (and ways to pay for it) on this site. Keep browsing and reading, and as you come up with questions more specific to your needs and situation, ask! People will respond and you'll find there are a lot of others going through similar situations. Good first step in getting the help YOU need, so you can do the job well and remember that you need to take care of yourself, first!
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