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I haven't heard anything yet. Put a call in to cas and left a message. She hasn't called me back yet. I need to let her know that nothing has changed. I do not want this to drag. She was up most of the night playing on computer and she is still asleep and it's 11 now. I went in and turned her oxygen on. She's been without it for a full day. I have a call in to her nurse. I guess now it's the waiting game.
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ITS MONDAY!!!!
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195Austin, you are so right about becoming stronger. Each time I deal with my mother, I become a little bit tougher. Elisa, as far as your mother's appearance, remember that a day of dealing with your mother will reveal just what she is to any caregiver. She is doing this on purpose and is mobile enough to take a shower or bath herself. People will think less of her and not of you. In fact, they may decide to evaluate her for psychiatric care. Boy, will she ever appreciate you if she has to live under the strict rules in psychiatric care. Sleep well tonight. You have done EVERYTHING you can for your mother. You are actually giving her another gift through what you are doing now. Take care. Rebecca
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Right, breath Lisa.
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Elisa you will have us to help you through it all-you are strong and the worst part is over for you and we are here for you-you will not be alone and your horrible experience will help you help other-you will be able to pay it forward-and you will come out a much more strong person for what you have been through.
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I think that's what scares me most. How is it going to impact me when they take her out. Rather than accept a sandwich from me she ordered dominos pizza. If you could only see her appearance. Neighbors out on both side. Her hair is filthy. Same clothes for 3 days. And the same delivery man from dominoes. How embarrassing. And when they take her in to her new residence? I can only imagine the thoughts that will go thru those men and women's thoughts. Now I am so glad she called cas. They saw her before the more horrible appearance as of today.
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Elisa, I am so glad things are going better for you ! This site has empowered me so many times. We share the fact that we have had very dysfunctional families. I have started standing up to all of my relatives when needed. After a major issue, such as carrying out my father's living will at his request and the demands of the hospital when being opposed by siblings (one a doctor), I had such an influx of emotions that I needed counseling. My emotions were both good and bad. The counseling has helped me so much during my other stands for the truth. When your mother is finally out, please realize the some emotional moments are normal. Please stay in touch! I know how hard this is, but you have a huge shield of love and encouragement around you.
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I talked to my mother-in-law this morning. Every sunday Doug or I take them a Sunday paper. And yes, we could have it delivered but we take our dog with us and it just makes their day. Doug went this morning and I asked him if he told them anything. Said no, this is our story to tell. So I took my coffee and the phone outside to the patio and called her before she left for church. And no surprise she was skipping church and going 2 head straight over. After I calmed her I went into a little of what's gone on especially the last 6 months. She told me the whole family was aware things were not right. And the whole family has been worried but knew eventually I would open up. I told her when I get thru this next week we will sit and talk. Mom has been in her room talking with the cousin. Think she's working herself up to a good mad. Heard the comment I hope she breaks her god&&@& neck. Guess referring to my new bike. About how I was a lousy sister to the other two. Even mentioned the can of green beans episode. Heeheehee. I can laugh about it now. The middle sister, who of course would call Doug and I with she needed money. It was they needed food or the electric was turned off. We would never dare give her the cash. She had my nephew so it was never an option to let him suffer. So Doug would call and pay her electric. No cash. The last time it was food I took two hundred dollars in groceries to her porch and knocked on the door and said here's yur food. As I was walking to the car I fell to my knees. The woman threw a can of green beans and hit me in the head with it. Called my nephews dad and toldbhim u have tonget him out. Not long after he was granted custody. So we will see what the next few hours bring. I have tomorrow morning covered. My daughters fiancé will stay here tonight and wait for me to get home at 9:30 after my morning run. I don't believe she will mouth off to my special needs daughter. But I always think ahead. Plus she's one tuff cookie. Then hopefully by the time I'm due to go back for my afternoon run she'll have been removed. Thanks for listening bout the green bean story. Hadn't thought of that in years. Hahaha
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Elisa,
Hope you are having a good day. We had really busy long day, didn't get to check in. Love that you bought bikes--great idea. Thinking of you. Kim
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Lisa: My mistake. I realize you were worried about having to TAKE her to her new abode. Not concerned that you would be forced to keep her. Cattails
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Lisa: PLEASE REMEMBER, it's your house. If that wasn't true then none of this would be happening. Honey, they are not going to force you to keep her. And who cares what kind of scene she makes when she leaves.............as long as she leaves.

So are you saying Torri came by today? Why?

Look girl friend, remember what Jeanne said and be careful. I don't like that your mom was in your bedroom. If you are going to work Monday, why don't you have Torri take her out of your home tomorrow (Sunday)?

Your mom is a spooky broad, with a strong touch of evil. Hate to say that, but I wouldn't want her to close to me. While you are out buying bikes, she's thinking and thinking. I'm not worried about her getting any where with her bs complaints. I'm just worried about your personal safety.

Be careful and give my love to your hubby. We are all loving you both and want you to be safe and free from this terrible situation. Love ya, Cattails.
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Yeah well she screwed up royally during our discussion in her room. She whined I wouldn't take her debit to pick up what she needs. Then torri said how can she be stealing your money when you are asking her to spend your money with your debit card. Is this why you won't open your account? Will I in fact see the charges from qvc you insist are not excessive? Mam if those charges are as excessive as Lisa says, how could there possibly be any money to steal.?
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Lisa, we ae all SO rooting for you and Doug. Sending good vibes your way!
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She is a piece of work, isn't she? Accusing you to public officials of stealing from her via her debit card, and then she wants you to take her debit card and shop for her.

No, they won't force you to take her. The worse her behavior, the more sympathetic to you they will be. In any case they have to do their job.

Monday, right? Hang in there!
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Well I have to say, this is the calmest evening in I don't know how long. Doug and I know this is the calm before the storm. But we had such fun shopping for bikes. We bought us panama jack matching bikes. And the second time around the block I think the ole cellulite went comatose. Mom came out to ask me if I would take her debit card tomorrow and buy a list of things she needs. Told her I would buy what she needs on her list and she could write me a check for it and I would keep the receipt. Doug had a brainstorm today. I've been on her about how she needs to bathe. Her hairs dirty and she looks awful. He said it just dawned on him that she must have planned on looking like this when she made the call. She was at the computer desk playing her pogo games. By the time cas made it to her room she was in the bed. Sitting here wondering what kind of scene it will be when they take her out. Has anyone had this happen? She has a mouth like a sailor when she's angry. Could it be possible they will force me to take her? I think my mind just shut down last night and then thru today and now it's racing. I've been on spring break and go back to work Monday. She was in our bedroom again while we were gone. Have no idea what she's looking for. Doug removed all our jewelry and his knife collection he brought up going thru this week. It's locked up in one of the gun safes. I'll be so glad when this is over.
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Lisa, this is working out! Mom will be placed outside your home soon. You are walking through this with integrity and love (or should I say, "biking through"?).

That rope in your stomach has been there all along. It just got tighter yesterday and you notice it more. See if you can also the sense of peace that surrounds you as well...it's there, too. It comes from the love of your family, the support of your friends, the angels all around. Both energies are true. The peace has way more power than you realize.
Even when they get her out of there, you may feel it. It's not something you have to make go away. and know that sometimes just noticing the rope ( or whatver energy feels negative) can make I feel like its expanding... But what usually is REALLY going on is that it's unraveling, getting looser. Just keep noticing the peace alongside it, too. The rope will lose power.
If they ask for another 24 hours for placement, say no. I share the concerns of cattail and jeannegibbs, for your safety. Thanks for updating us.
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Good morning everyone. Amazingly enough we slept great. It's a new day! First order of business? Going to buy us bikes! Need to get our exercise on. Youngest daughter is out of the house turkey hunting for the weekend. The oldest will be with us. Gotta tell ya, still feeling the knots and such dread. I promise all of you, any sign of aggression I'll be on the phone. I have t's 24 hour call number. I'm still numb and don't really have my thoughts together yet. I'm seeing my aunt Rae today. ( moms sister) I've collected seraphin angels for 20 years. They are in my curios, on my fireplace mantle. Everywhere in my home. Each and everyone have been bought with love from my husband and girls. I sat here thinking last night. Who would have thought I could sit down feeling at the end of my rope and find this website and feel surrounded by living breathing guardian angels. I feel such love for all of you. I'm kinda a mess right now. I'll be out most of the afternoon but I will be back later checking in. God bless all of you!!!!
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I can understand the drug addiction and that she was mean before you took her in. But you are aware that alot of COPD meds have an adverse effect on the person moods. But reading what you wrote she sounds so much like my Dad. I wish you all the luck
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Lisa: Jeanne may have a point. I didn't think of that. No matches, no cigarettes and it might be wise to take some shifts sleeping. Better yet, if you can call CAS, do and tell them what Jeanne said and just to be safe you have reconsidered and want her out NOW. Just get her out!!!!!

OMG, What will it feel like for you and your family to sleep and wake in peace. The thing about finding your strength is that there is always a challenge. It's good to feel the pain, but keep going. When it's safe to let down your guard, then you can cry and I'm sure you will. Not yet, however, you keep on moving and don't look back.

Now, I going to worry about you all night. I'm probably being melodramatic too. You best be checking in first thing tomorrow am. Love ya, Cattails
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Hey, Lisa, you were empowered, but that doesn't make you SuperWoman and it doesn't strip you of your feelings. You've had a bad blow and you are reeling a little. Accept that and move one. Good job!

I'm a little concerned about Mom staying the weekend. She has been backed into a corner, and you know how ferocious that can make some critters. I hope I'm being melodramtic here and not realistic, but I'm a little worried about your safety.

Take care of each other!
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Lisa, the empowerment will come back. It's just the loss that those who are hurtful can perpetuate that bursts your bubble sometimes. Your ridding your home and life of toxic waste. The has-mat crew is coming. Run to the people you love. Blessings again, Cattails.
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Lisa, it's the stress, pure and simple. As I said before, this is her last hurrah. It's her last chance to try and punish you. I would feel the same way in your shoes. It's just hard to be accused of ABUSE. For those of us who try to do our best even under the worse circumstances; out of our sense of obligation, love, honor, respect, a hope to forgive and gain a relationship; to be manipulated and accused of abuse take things out of the personal and puts it in the public. You feel exposed and it's draining because you have to hope that those charged with discernment and the power to prosecute will realize the truth. Plus, Lisa, it's just plain hurtful.

It was kind of you to go to your sibs graves. What a waste of life, huh. But look who molded them. You can only wonder who molded your mom. Well, YOU can't raise the dead and give them a second chance and you can't change your mom.

I guess I'm in a philosophical mood this evening, but I just want to say that you should never be ashamed to tell your story. Someday, when you are up to it, you need to sit down with your husband and your in-laws and tell them the truth. You are taking on shame that isn't yours to own. Let it go. Be honest and be open. All of us have learned from you and you and your husband are a treasure. Don;t hide your light under a bushel, let it shine.

I'm honored that you said, "THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T PAY YOUR ELECTRIC BILL." Bless you Lisa. Love, Love Love, Cattails
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I think anyone would feel pretty beaten down after needing to have outside intervention to deal with their mom. Knots--because you did something new, and something that would be hard for anyone, and maybe you are expecting some retalitory behaviors? Try not to blame yourself. Anyone would feel anxious and stressed in a situation like this and surely uncomfortable, just keep moving forward with your plan to take back your house and life. If your mom didn't create this difficulty,then she would not have to be in this situation. Anyone in her spot would rather make this someone elses problem (yours?) than have to face up to owning their own behaviors/problems they have created for themselves. You matured and realized she is the one who has been messed up. Consider it the mom version of a temper tantrum and an attempt to wear you down. It's pitiful that the only defense she can access is to stare at you with hate and tell lies. That is about where she is, not who you are. She has probably lost many coping skills long ago perhaps after the death of your brother? and pain meds maybe are what she relies on in place of adaptive behaviors? Stand firm, it's hard but you can do it. If she becomes disruptive, call the afterhours line for the social work department that came out, or a local mental health provider, or her doctor and let her know you will give her the option to calm down, or go to the Emergency Room. And take the cigs and matches tonight for safety. I am headed to bed, and will say a prayer for you and your family.

Stay empowered and use the support here. I will be out most of the day tomorrow, but will check the site when I come home, and hope you have been able to keep your resolve. We had a similar situation-it was awful and so stressful, but in the end, it worked out for the best.

Try to keep some perspective by thinking how you would advise a friend in the same situation. You may feel really bad for now, but if this goes on and on, you'll also go on feeling bad-not just for now, but as long as it's unresolved. Since it's your mom, it's nice to allow her to stay if placement is fast, but you could even revise your thinking to she can stay until placement can be worked out, if she can act appropriately. I know you'll feel lots better when this is settled. And it will be, and faster, if you stick to your plan. When you have some distance it will be easier. Mom isn't going to be your friend if she couldn't be your mom and meet your needs when you were a child. She's not going to suddenly change. But you can meet your own needs and you've proven that you can. Just keep doing that-no matter what. Hope you can get some rest, I'm sure you must be exhausted.
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Well from experience I knew cas would act fast. They were here within 40 minutes. I went to the door to greet them. And darned if it wasn't torri who gave Doug and I the title of " THE CLEAN UP CREW". but regardless she had a job to do. She asked permission to close the door while they spoke. After their discussion she asked me to come in. By this time my husband, youngest daughter, and 1 niece ( who lives 40 minutes away) were here. The first thing she said was Lisa I understand you want your mom moved out. Told her yes. Then she started asking me a few questions. Omg, the lies she told. Then she asked what possessed me to turn off her cable and Internet. And cattails, it just popped out of my mouth. THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T PAY YOUR ELECTRIC BILL. she stared for a minute and asked mom why didn't you pay the electric bill? You told me yourself that you insisted on this because you would not live here without contributing. I then proceeded to show her the burn marks and the cigarette ashes. Mom refused to let me go online and show her the statement to her savings and checking. Because the biggest issue was I was being accused of stealing her money, and taking her debit card and using it for my own personal needs. I gave her the name of visiting nurse and she will follow up with her Monday. Then torri asked if it would be ok to stay here thru the weekend. Of course she can as long as a placement is found soon. We went into the kitchen and and obviously there was no signs of abuse or neglect. The case will not be turned over to detectives. Someone please explain to me why I have these knots in my stomach. Is it because of the absolute hate in her eyes? Or just the down right lies she told. How could I go from empowerment to feeling like I've been beaten down.
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Amen to what Jeanne said. Call that social worker who mailed you the info on alternative living places and tell him it's time to get it in gear. Lisa, your going to come out of this smelling like a rose. Don't let it drag, call the social worker. Love ya, Cattails.
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This will be interesting, Lisa. I'm sorry you have to go through it, but it is going to come out OK. Has the social worker been scheduled yet to discuss the other housing options?

Tell your mother that if she convinces CAS that you are abusing her that she will be immediately removed from the abusive situation, so she better look at the other options seriously. And if they conclude her situation is not abusive, then she has to leave because you will no longer share your home with her. Either way, she better study those option closely!
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I agree do whatever needs to be done to get her out of your home and to stay out-you do not need her in your life. Keep us posted.
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Keep up the good work! Naranon or Alanon might be helpful too. They're in the phonebook and are full of supportive members coping with the addictions of family members. You deserve to be happy and have a peaceful home! Congrat's on making a good life for yourself inspite of your family's history. If you were able to do that, you'll be able to get past this temporary "setback." Let mom be responsible for her self and her consequences (be careful not to get hooked back in if mom fails in her placement--let the facility call social services rather than have you accept her back into your home--you would have to begin again at square one if you let her back in.) It was so kind of you to give it one more shot, just remember "nothing changes if nothing changes" You CAN DO THIS!
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Please let us know how it all comes about and what happens. You are a saint to take your mom in and put up with crap. Good luck and godspeed. Brandy
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Lisa: No worries. This will be her last hurrah. Contact your visiting nurse and others who have a sense of your mom, especially if they have a medical role, etc. Be open and honest. You'll do fine. Keep us posted. Hugs, Cattails
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