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Lisa: Thanks so much for the update. Keeping you in my prayers. Hugs, Cattails
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Thank you Rebecca. I'm ok. Just knowing Monday is 4 days away is keeping me strong. She did have my nephew, who is a cocain addict, come get her debit card to go get a pack of chartered. Beth called Doug who only works 5 minutes away. She had already given him the card and he came back with her cigarettes. By that time I was home and took them from him and crushed them. I got her card and went into her account to look and he took 200.00 out at the ATM. I contacted cas, turned the info over to them and told her do what you will. I'm done with it. All in all it's been calm. I haven't been on here because I haven't been sleeping well the past 2 weeks. I was asleep at 7 last night. Doug and I are going to have my nieces and nephews over that has lost contact with each other years ago. As soon as she's out. 2 won't be here because of their addictions. But the ones I see are decent hardworking, and just good kids. I'm so sorry that they haven't been here in 2 years because of her. But that is going to change. Phone and texting has kept us in close touch. But remember I'm a hugger now and I need to grab ahold of them tight. I'll keep everyone posted. I hope I'll be able to do for someone what all of you have done for me. her breathing is getting worse and I can't help hoping she makes it till Monday. But either way she won't be coming back here. Love, love love you guys
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You are still in my prayers, Elisa. Hope you are okay. Rebecca (RLP)
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No one, and I mean NO ONE has any idea of the complexities, stress and exhaustion dealing with being a caregiver is unless they have been there. Every day is like war, and planning a new battle strategy. I've been doing it with my dad, two vicious toxic sisters and two clueless elderly aunts. On top of the extremely difficult task of providing top notch care for your parent, you have all this extraneous bull$#it from malicious family members who are trying to set you up at and chance they can. Your personal life is all but non-existent, and you feel like you're living in a toxic waste dump. My dad has been as mean as a snake to me lately because he was buffaloed by my sisters. I have let it all go. I ignore them all as if they are not even in the room. I am cordial . .. Period. I feel so bad for your terrible situation Elisa. All I can say is hang in there, and remind yourself this WILL END.
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Elisa, hope you had a good day--thinking about you.
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You might try have her served via a process server. Much cleaner and you usually can have it done the same day without waiting for the post office. They will certify to the courts if need be but especially to you that she indeed has been given the letter. Just a thought.
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Elisa, Keep persisting with your careful, pragmatic planning. It is so hard to hit the right balance of all the various requirements and you are doing an amazing job! Glad to hear you have the 30d notice being prepared. She'll probably try to avoid receiving the letter (leave off a return address from the envelope?). Glad you are keeping your sanity during this high drain/slow motion process. You must be so proud of making a good life for yourself. It is not easy to make the big break from the generational cycle of dysfunction. Hats off to you! You're in the home stretch with getting mom resituated--don't give up! Are you stll riding those new bikes? It really does sound like you have wonderful family, and in-laws who love you as much as your husband does. So nice. Eager to see what happens next! Keep those cigarettes and matches/lighter until your mom and her O2 tank walk outta there...Kimbee
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RLP: AMEN!!!
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I just returned from my son's concert to check your news, Elisa. You really have things under control. I would love to know what your mother is thinking and if she is beginning to realize she has messed up. You sound like a wonderful family ,and her life could have been great. You tried to give her the best but she wouldn't accept it. Just take care of yourself and stay safe. You will be a huge help to others when members need advice about toxic parents.
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I've been dealing with a very sick husband all day, who is now up eating soup for the first time today. I had to pop on and see the latest episode of As the World Turn Around Mother. I was really hopping this would be the episode where Mother issues curses as she is escorted out the door. I am so sorry that the script didn't quite go that way.

You are handling the delay wonderfully.

Has Mother accepted that she is leaving, one way or another? Does she show any excitement or interest in Friendship House?

I'm sorry not to see The End scrolling across the credits, but at least we know the show has been cancelled after this season!
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Brilliant!!!! You just keep taking those forward steps.
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Written notice in the works. Doug will have his secretary type it tomorrow and I will send it registered mail to her at my address. That way she of course will have to sign for it.
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Your call. I will be behind you whatever you decide now and in the future. Are you standing firm on the no cigarettes. She could blow your whole house up. FYI, maybe you should give her a written 30 day notice now. Does it need to be notarized? Just do what you have to do and cover your bases. Do the 30 day notice now.

Lisa, this will end. You are doing a good job. You have to work within the law to protect your family and that's what you are doing. Good thing you are a bright and self initiating individual. All you needed was a little direction and then you RAN with it. You have power Lisa, your not a victim. Your doing a good job.

Keep me posted. Love and Hugs to you and your lovely family. Cattails.
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They only hold appointments to look at the rooms on Monday's. Her name is already down. The appointment is at 10 a.m. She has already given them her income. Retirement an social security. Mom is completely mobile. The only reason she dosent do her own laundry is ours is downstairs and she is not allowed to go in our basement. And yes do not doubt that she would stage a fall and collect on our home owners. She knows her Meds and dosages. Pain pills and Xanax? Out of my hands. The only thing she would pay extra for would be her meals. I had a great aunt who lived there till the day she died. She loved it. I told my mother when we got off the phone this is her chance to try to find some peace in her life and I truly hope she can find some happiness inside all her hatred and bitterness. Oh and the law here? I have to give her 30 day notice to get out. So if she goes in hospital? If it isn't 30 days? She has the right to come back here and finishbher 30 days.
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OK Lisa: Here are my questions. They only have 2 room left, but you can't have an appointment until next Monday? Are there others interviewing for those 2 rooms prior to Monday? Does she have to be interviewed to determine if they will accept her? Can your mom just say, "No thanks, I don't like the room so I'm not staying? Does Torri know what the income restrictions are and can she tell you that your mom will qualify. Does Friendship house also assess your mom's need for assistance to determine if she is acceptable. What will they think if she starts acting like a lunatic during the interview. These are questions I would want to ask Torri. Maybe you already did.

If your mom NEEDS to be hospitalized for her breathing, could you go to the appointment on Monday by yourself, explain that she had to be hospitalized, give them the financial info they need and offer to pay a month's rent to hold the room? They could then get an assessment of her physical abilities from the rehab unit when your mom is ready to leave and at that time determine if his assistance requirements are something they can handle. If this can be worked out and your mom fails to qualify due to her assistance needs, then the most you will have to lose is a month's rent. But if they hold the room, all is good.

I think you were wise to tell Torri that this is a family decision. I think I would be leaning toward the ambulance and getting her out of your house now. I'm thinking that once she is gone you don't have to take her back. I'm assuming that is true. Has that been confirmed in your discussions today during your morning appointment. I don't see how they can force you to take her back.

You are very wise not to be her guardian. Five stars for that answer. I hope Jeannegibbs offers you some thoughts also. She's got a good head on her shoulder.

Keep in touch. I'll be watching for you. Love ya Cattails.
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Torri called!!!!! Apologized that she wasn't able to get back with us sooner. Explained about Monday and she realized it was bad. She tried to listen to moms message three times on her machine. She said she was screaming so loudly it towas hard to understand. She told me since there were no signs of abuse that she has closed the "case" but she realizes the urgency of getting her out of the house. She has set her up with an appt with friendship house. It's an efficiency that is based on income /assisted living. She had me put mom on the other line and told her she heard first hand her out of control rage she was in Monday and since she was foolish enough to leave it on her machine that she has given her daughter the advice to call the police and have her taken out if there are any more outburst. She told me if I have her hospitalized tomorrow then she will miss her appt Monday and they only have 2 rooms available. So I told her this will have to be a family decision. She understood completely, and that I have every right to do what I plan but with this appt there could be a prompt resolution. Sigh.
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Lisa: I absolutely think you are doing a good job with this. An excellent job as a matter of fact. I completely understand that your youngest wants it done yesterday, but you need to do it the smart way.

I had thought of suggesting that you put your mom in a motel with a kitchenette, TV, and groceries and with a months rent paid in advance while things got resolved. You know, anything to just get her out, but then I thought no no, that could be construed as neglect. Not sure if it could be, but wouldn't want to make a bad suggestion.

You are doing everything right. Stay on track and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it won't be much longer for you. Love and Hugs, Cattails.
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Do you really think so? My youngest daughter seems angry that I'm not moving fast enough. She's thrilled that already there is a great improvement in my mood. She calls it more light hearted. All of us are more light hearted because we have come together as a family. We are seeing an end to this. And I understand her impatience. For her it's cut and dried and she thinks I'm procrastinating. I really don't believe I am. It's just so important to me to make this a simple transition and now that I've talked to the pros and with cas involved I need to be careful and do this in a way it docent backfire on me. And apparently this means involving her dr and let him make the decision to admit her.
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Lisa: Hang in there. I'm glad you've gotten good advise and clarity on options 1, 2 & 3. Looking forward to the end of the business day tomorrow or whatever may come sooner. Keep us posted. You are doing a great job handling this.
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Well I'm home from a very informative morning. For future reference to anyone in ky: in order to file a mental inquest warrant you must at the same time file for guardianship of that person. Which means I would be responsible for finances, drs, nursing home care etc.needless to say I am not willing to do that. But take heart because with her calling cas she's done the work for you. Apparently Monday's and Tuesday's the field agents spend their days in court with the detectives for serious potential life threatening situations which involve charging, warrants, and emergency placements for elders at risk. I get that. They seem to think I'm giving up to soon on cas. They told me to be careful on how I get her out of here because even though they found no abuse or neglect do not leave myself open to retaliation accusations. When telling them about her message for cas they have her temper tantrum on a recording. Well that's all and good and I really understand all your telling me. but what is my quickest resolution. #1- I know when her lungs have hit rock bottom and at what point they will keep her. After they hit that point call an met. #2- her next temper tantrum, call the police and make sure they can hear her screaming and cussing on the phone. Then let them call an emt. #3- throw her out. It's your home and she is no longer welcome. But I recommend you not do that because you have told us there is no one willing to take her. Wait for one of the first 2 to happen again. And from what you have said it will happen. So that's where I stand now. So unless I get a phone call from cas with their intentions by close of business tomorrow I will call her drs emergency number tomorrow night with my concerns for her breathing and my concerns on her not keeping her oxygen on. And like all the other times she passed the emergency room doors and collected her 875.00, he will have me call an ambulance to collect her. They'll send her to rehab for her required 20 day visit. So all the advice you have given me is right on the mark. I just have to be careful it isn't misconstrued as spite or retaliation.
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Please apologize to Beth for me! :) At 57, I am still called a child as a term of endearment by my older relatives and my mom. It is one of those things parents never let go of, I guess. You have worked hard to make a life for yourself and your family and should feel proud of everything you have done. I agree with Cattails, the ambulance (without a siren to warn her) might be your best bet. This is an emergency, and you have certainly tried to get help elsewhere. I hope you have a day that helps you realize how very strong you are. We are all behind you! Rebecca
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Well, for God's sake, don't let the bitch anywhere near a can of green beans. I am so angry for you Lisa. How dare those CAS people not come through. Maybe Torri needs the green bean treatment. Doesn't matter if she's not an emergency, they asked you if you could keep her the weekend, not the following week.

I don't know what the laws are in Kentucky, but maybe you should call police and ask if they can remove her from your home. In California, the police were able to take someone who is mentally unstable and place them on a 72 hour hold and have them evaluated.

Don't know if you can do that in Kentucky, but it's worth a phone call. Once she's out of your house, she's gone for good. You can give the cops Torri's name and the other social worker who was supposed to get back to you along with the visiting nurse's name.

Hit it from every angle. And go down to Torri's office and raise hell in person. No more phone messages.

Lisa, there's nothing wrong with you. You tried to do something good, now you are able to see more clearly. You've got the ball, you're running with it and it will get done. Don't buy any more cigarettes. Let her have a meltdown and call an
ambulance.

So sorry about your precious Beth. I hope you can explain to her that her grandmother is not to be listened too.

Putting my arms around you, Cattails.
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Beth would be very offended to be called a child. Hahaha she is 31 but she's our child and I'll keep her with me forever. :))))))
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Well, your mom really crossed a line today. Verbal and emotional abuse of a child with special needs means child abuse on her part. Play every card you have and use every agency you can. Protect your child like you are doing. I wish I were there to help. I rarely become angry except when someone is cruel to children and animals. Her treatment of your daughter makes me furious. Wouldn't it be great if all of us who are following your situation could turn up and help remove your mom? :) I'm still praying. Hang in there.
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Well everyone. Doug and I put in numerous calls in to cas and left messages. I went into moms room and told her very nicely mom you need to start making plans on what you will need to take with you as far as personal items and clothes. Well all he'll broke loose. My thoughts are since no evidence of abuse or neglect was verified that this isn't an emergency placement. I've talked to my boss and I'm taking the day off tomorrow. We went into her office and I just gave in. Told her everything. Get her out Lisa. I called moms dr and didn't receive a call back. He's set her up with 2 appts with a psychiatrist, and she never kept them. So tomorrow I go to the court house and fil the mental inquest. One of her outburst was screaming about my daughters disabilities. Let me explain. Beth is visually and hearing impaired. But she has learning difficulties too. And anyone who has raised a special needs child knows that when they find something they excel at they run with it. Beths is laundry. She sucks at housework but she can wash and fold clothes like you wouldn't believe. And that was moms ranting and raving today. But she made the very very very bad mistake of saying it in front of Beth. So I have my photos developed, my ducks in a row. She's out of cigs. So I'm hoping there will be an outburst tonite or yes her oxygen turned off. Then I call 911. But I head downtown tomorrow morning to file a mental inquest. I will make the phone call to cas before I leave with my intentions known. I will tell her I tried to make contact several times but now I've been left with no option. What in the he'll is wrong with me? Beth looked at me and asked does this mean I can't do laundry anymore? So times up gotta go.
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Elisa, no matter what happens today, please let us know you are okay. Just because you decide to make your own plans instead of using ours, does not make you wrong. You are the only one that knows what needs to be done and when it should happen. We just care and want to know you are safe, physically and emotionally. Take care. I am praying.
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Lisa: Keep us posted. I hope she's out today. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about. Your mom is so easy to see through.

Man, that green bean can episode is vicious. I'm glad you spoke to your mil. We'd all love to have a daughter in law like you.

Don't forget what Austin said. We will be here for you now and beyond.

Love ya, Cattails
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That sounds like a plan-get her out anyway you can and with her bizare behaivor it is not streatching the point at all.
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Elisa, would a call to EMTs with you expressing concern over her change in behaviors: not bathing, sleeping, not using oxygen, aggressive threats toward the family, etc. be possible,?When they arrive describe what you have tried to do and get them to have her evaluated for a possible illness you are unaware of. Tell them you are worried about her arterial blood gas levels since she has been taking off her oxygen. (A hospital needs to evaluate that.) After that, refuse to allow her back into your house due to the danger toward your children. Go for it! I think I read on this post that you have a daughter with special needs. Mention your fears for her. Fight for getting her out of the house today. I am worried about all of you and what she is plotting. I am a retired special education teacher, and this almost sounds like psychosis although I am far from being qualified to make any diagnosis. Just know we care.
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I'm glad to hear a status report, though wish you had better news! I'm glad you called the people who will move her out. Holding you in our prayers...
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