My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
STAY STRONG ;) Kim
I'm sure Jane B is right. They want some verification of her income and expenses. Lisa, I'm hoping that you have not made any personal deposits into her checking account and that they only reflect her income and expenses.
FYI to everyone. Don't ever put money into a parents account to help them pay bills. Pay the bills personally and from your own checking account. Otherwise it can be counted as income for the parent.
Lisa, get the paperwork together and get it behind you. It's a pain, but count yourself lucky that you are not filing for Medicaid. They would want a five year review. So take a deep breath and get it done.
Another thing that Jane B said, "People all over the country are rooting for you." I tend to think of this site as a specific group of people and on a more intimate basis, but Jane B is right. People all over the country are rooting for you, we are carrying you on our shoulders, your daughters and your husband too. We can see the end coming; the ribbon breaking as you pass the end of the race and a happy ending for you and your lovely family. Can you hear the crowd roaring, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.
Well, that's my heartfelt motivational speech for tonight. We love you, Lisa. You are a shinning example of someone who can change their circumstances. It's a breath of fresh air. Cattails.
Give her what she wants, a statement showing what she has paid. It will be very short, I'm sure, and not much trouble to pull together.
The agreement between mother (use her name) and myself (use your name) was for her to pay $xxx.00 monthly which was to cover housing and utilities. Then sign your name.
That should be enough for anyone. You are lying and she has what she wants.
What's up with the housing process. Has it been confirmed yet.
Hugs and keep your chin up. Cattails