Follow
Share
Read More
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
1 2 3 4 5
Hahahahahahaha...breath...hahahahaha. Woke to a very loud request this morning. WHERES THAT @&@&?!$&@ ELECTRIC BILL???? happy to report the check has been wrote, the check has been cashed and put into the bank. Yes mother, this is OUR HOME. So pogo.com has their player back and qvc is going to make money today.
(7)
Report

Too Funny, Lisa. Thanks for sharing. Hahahahaha...breath...hahahahaha.
(3)
Report

Like so many of us here, your issue has struck at my heart. I just had a brainstorm. Call the fire dept. for help because you are terrified about the safety of your family due to her determined use of oxygen and her smoking. It is a real and valid concern.They will come and perform a safety check at your request. You are obviously a cautious family just from the mention of a gun safe. ( I live in rural GA and they are usually in most of the homes here.) Please get yourself help. I am so happy to sense a more hopeful tone to your answers. Your mother will not be happy no matter where she lives. Professional caregivers will be able to tolerate her cruel behavior with more detachment. You are in my prayers and hang in there. We are all pulling for you! Rebecca
(7)
Report

As of yesterday the smoking issue has been handled. Cigarettes are out of her room in my possession. In front of her health care nurse I gathered up the cigs and ashtray and informed her you will no longer smoke in there. Pointed out the burn holes in her gowns and the sheets on the bed. While doing this I snapped pictures of everything. Ashes on the floor by the bed, burn marks on our wood floors, ashes in her sink and all around the garbage can where she misses the trach can. So no more smokingnthru the night while we sleep. I am a school bus driver for jcps county schools. My alarm goes off at 3:45 a.m. So that means no more cigs after 8 p.m. I am so grateful that you wonderful people have taken time out of your own lives to listen to me and set me on the right path. Today after I drop my daughter at work I'm visiting my siblings graves. How sad they could not find the strength to set their own path away from her influence. I really can feel pity for them but in my life I could never like them. In life they were horrible dangerous women. Maybe one day I'll even shed a tear, but I've never been able to do that.
(8)
Report

a mothers infulence can stay with some for their lifetime-my sister and I finally talked about our childhood-I am 7 yrs. older than her and we both learned a lot from talking about-it was a relief to know I was not just a bad kid as my mother stated and that she was the problem-it was a weight lifted off of me and cmagan has helped me a lot with his opions and insight on the dysfunctional thread-I now can detach from her and she does not have the power to hurt me anymore-I am taking that power away from her for good.
(8)
Report

Austin: I pray you were able to marry into a wonderful family like I did 28 years ago. It was so hard for me for so many years. Cause see, they are the huggiest people you will ever meet. My mother/ father in law are amazing. My sister in laws are my sisters. There was no hugs and I love yous growing up. For too long when we had get togethers I would make myself absent because all of that was too uncomfortable for me. Not anymore. I'm the first to run to them for a hug. The whole situation with my mother is unknown to them. My mother in law hugs me and tells me I miss you every time I see her. I've made the mistake of retreating from them these last 2 years when I should have been racing towards them. But all of the shame and embarrassment took over. So I hope you are racing towards the people who love you.
(7)
Report

No unfortunatly my husband changed after we got married and was not a ggod person and his mother was a witch-she never wanted him to get married-he was to take care of her and she tried to break us up-he never stood up to her and once when he had a chance of a job far from where we lived he told her she would go with us before he discussed it with me-I discouraged him taking the job for that reason alone-that is why I want to meet a nice man so much now-so I can have some happiness in my life.
(3)
Report

Well ladies and gents. She did it. Just got off the phone with crimes against seniors.
(2)
Report

Lisa: No worries. This will be her last hurrah. Contact your visiting nurse and others who have a sense of your mom, especially if they have a medical role, etc. Be open and honest. You'll do fine. Keep us posted. Hugs, Cattails
(3)
Report

Please let us know how it all comes about and what happens. You are a saint to take your mom in and put up with crap. Good luck and godspeed. Brandy
(4)
Report

Keep up the good work! Naranon or Alanon might be helpful too. They're in the phonebook and are full of supportive members coping with the addictions of family members. You deserve to be happy and have a peaceful home! Congrat's on making a good life for yourself inspite of your family's history. If you were able to do that, you'll be able to get past this temporary "setback." Let mom be responsible for her self and her consequences (be careful not to get hooked back in if mom fails in her placement--let the facility call social services rather than have you accept her back into your home--you would have to begin again at square one if you let her back in.) It was so kind of you to give it one more shot, just remember "nothing changes if nothing changes" You CAN DO THIS!
(3)
Report

I agree do whatever needs to be done to get her out of your home and to stay out-you do not need her in your life. Keep us posted.
(3)
Report

This will be interesting, Lisa. I'm sorry you have to go through it, but it is going to come out OK. Has the social worker been scheduled yet to discuss the other housing options?

Tell your mother that if she convinces CAS that you are abusing her that she will be immediately removed from the abusive situation, so she better look at the other options seriously. And if they conclude her situation is not abusive, then she has to leave because you will no longer share your home with her. Either way, she better study those option closely!
(8)
Report

Amen to what Jeanne said. Call that social worker who mailed you the info on alternative living places and tell him it's time to get it in gear. Lisa, your going to come out of this smelling like a rose. Don't let it drag, call the social worker. Love ya, Cattails.
(2)
Report

Well from experience I knew cas would act fast. They were here within 40 minutes. I went to the door to greet them. And darned if it wasn't torri who gave Doug and I the title of " THE CLEAN UP CREW". but regardless she had a job to do. She asked permission to close the door while they spoke. After their discussion she asked me to come in. By this time my husband, youngest daughter, and 1 niece ( who lives 40 minutes away) were here. The first thing she said was Lisa I understand you want your mom moved out. Told her yes. Then she started asking me a few questions. Omg, the lies she told. Then she asked what possessed me to turn off her cable and Internet. And cattails, it just popped out of my mouth. THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T PAY YOUR ELECTRIC BILL. she stared for a minute and asked mom why didn't you pay the electric bill? You told me yourself that you insisted on this because you would not live here without contributing. I then proceeded to show her the burn marks and the cigarette ashes. Mom refused to let me go online and show her the statement to her savings and checking. Because the biggest issue was I was being accused of stealing her money, and taking her debit card and using it for my own personal needs. I gave her the name of visiting nurse and she will follow up with her Monday. Then torri asked if it would be ok to stay here thru the weekend. Of course she can as long as a placement is found soon. We went into the kitchen and and obviously there was no signs of abuse or neglect. The case will not be turned over to detectives. Someone please explain to me why I have these knots in my stomach. Is it because of the absolute hate in her eyes? Or just the down right lies she told. How could I go from empowerment to feeling like I've been beaten down.
(4)
Report

I think anyone would feel pretty beaten down after needing to have outside intervention to deal with their mom. Knots--because you did something new, and something that would be hard for anyone, and maybe you are expecting some retalitory behaviors? Try not to blame yourself. Anyone would feel anxious and stressed in a situation like this and surely uncomfortable, just keep moving forward with your plan to take back your house and life. If your mom didn't create this difficulty,then she would not have to be in this situation. Anyone in her spot would rather make this someone elses problem (yours?) than have to face up to owning their own behaviors/problems they have created for themselves. You matured and realized she is the one who has been messed up. Consider it the mom version of a temper tantrum and an attempt to wear you down. It's pitiful that the only defense she can access is to stare at you with hate and tell lies. That is about where she is, not who you are. She has probably lost many coping skills long ago perhaps after the death of your brother? and pain meds maybe are what she relies on in place of adaptive behaviors? Stand firm, it's hard but you can do it. If she becomes disruptive, call the afterhours line for the social work department that came out, or a local mental health provider, or her doctor and let her know you will give her the option to calm down, or go to the Emergency Room. And take the cigs and matches tonight for safety. I am headed to bed, and will say a prayer for you and your family.

Stay empowered and use the support here. I will be out most of the day tomorrow, but will check the site when I come home, and hope you have been able to keep your resolve. We had a similar situation-it was awful and so stressful, but in the end, it worked out for the best.

Try to keep some perspective by thinking how you would advise a friend in the same situation. You may feel really bad for now, but if this goes on and on, you'll also go on feeling bad-not just for now, but as long as it's unresolved. Since it's your mom, it's nice to allow her to stay if placement is fast, but you could even revise your thinking to she can stay until placement can be worked out, if she can act appropriately. I know you'll feel lots better when this is settled. And it will be, and faster, if you stick to your plan. When you have some distance it will be easier. Mom isn't going to be your friend if she couldn't be your mom and meet your needs when you were a child. She's not going to suddenly change. But you can meet your own needs and you've proven that you can. Just keep doing that-no matter what. Hope you can get some rest, I'm sure you must be exhausted.
(8)
Report

Lisa, it's the stress, pure and simple. As I said before, this is her last hurrah. It's her last chance to try and punish you. I would feel the same way in your shoes. It's just hard to be accused of ABUSE. For those of us who try to do our best even under the worse circumstances; out of our sense of obligation, love, honor, respect, a hope to forgive and gain a relationship; to be manipulated and accused of abuse take things out of the personal and puts it in the public. You feel exposed and it's draining because you have to hope that those charged with discernment and the power to prosecute will realize the truth. Plus, Lisa, it's just plain hurtful.

It was kind of you to go to your sibs graves. What a waste of life, huh. But look who molded them. You can only wonder who molded your mom. Well, YOU can't raise the dead and give them a second chance and you can't change your mom.

I guess I'm in a philosophical mood this evening, but I just want to say that you should never be ashamed to tell your story. Someday, when you are up to it, you need to sit down with your husband and your in-laws and tell them the truth. You are taking on shame that isn't yours to own. Let it go. Be honest and be open. All of us have learned from you and you and your husband are a treasure. Don;t hide your light under a bushel, let it shine.

I'm honored that you said, "THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T PAY YOUR ELECTRIC BILL." Bless you Lisa. Love, Love Love, Cattails
(9)
Report

Lisa, the empowerment will come back. It's just the loss that those who are hurtful can perpetuate that bursts your bubble sometimes. Your ridding your home and life of toxic waste. The has-mat crew is coming. Run to the people you love. Blessings again, Cattails.
(4)
Report

Hey, Lisa, you were empowered, but that doesn't make you SuperWoman and it doesn't strip you of your feelings. You've had a bad blow and you are reeling a little. Accept that and move one. Good job!

I'm a little concerned about Mom staying the weekend. She has been backed into a corner, and you know how ferocious that can make some critters. I hope I'm being melodramtic here and not realistic, but I'm a little worried about your safety.

Take care of each other!
(8)
Report

Lisa: Jeanne may have a point. I didn't think of that. No matches, no cigarettes and it might be wise to take some shifts sleeping. Better yet, if you can call CAS, do and tell them what Jeanne said and just to be safe you have reconsidered and want her out NOW. Just get her out!!!!!

OMG, What will it feel like for you and your family to sleep and wake in peace. The thing about finding your strength is that there is always a challenge. It's good to feel the pain, but keep going. When it's safe to let down your guard, then you can cry and I'm sure you will. Not yet, however, you keep on moving and don't look back.

Now, I going to worry about you all night. I'm probably being melodramatic too. You best be checking in first thing tomorrow am. Love ya, Cattails
(7)
Report

I can understand the drug addiction and that she was mean before you took her in. But you are aware that alot of COPD meds have an adverse effect on the person moods. But reading what you wrote she sounds so much like my Dad. I wish you all the luck
(2)
Report

Good morning everyone. Amazingly enough we slept great. It's a new day! First order of business? Going to buy us bikes! Need to get our exercise on. Youngest daughter is out of the house turkey hunting for the weekend. The oldest will be with us. Gotta tell ya, still feeling the knots and such dread. I promise all of you, any sign of aggression I'll be on the phone. I have t's 24 hour call number. I'm still numb and don't really have my thoughts together yet. I'm seeing my aunt Rae today. ( moms sister) I've collected seraphin angels for 20 years. They are in my curios, on my fireplace mantle. Everywhere in my home. Each and everyone have been bought with love from my husband and girls. I sat here thinking last night. Who would have thought I could sit down feeling at the end of my rope and find this website and feel surrounded by living breathing guardian angels. I feel such love for all of you. I'm kinda a mess right now. I'll be out most of the afternoon but I will be back later checking in. God bless all of you!!!!
(10)
Report

Lisa, this is working out! Mom will be placed outside your home soon. You are walking through this with integrity and love (or should I say, "biking through"?).

That rope in your stomach has been there all along. It just got tighter yesterday and you notice it more. See if you can also the sense of peace that surrounds you as well...it's there, too. It comes from the love of your family, the support of your friends, the angels all around. Both energies are true. The peace has way more power than you realize.
Even when they get her out of there, you may feel it. It's not something you have to make go away. and know that sometimes just noticing the rope ( or whatver energy feels negative) can make I feel like its expanding... But what usually is REALLY going on is that it's unraveling, getting looser. Just keep noticing the peace alongside it, too. The rope will lose power.
If they ask for another 24 hours for placement, say no. I share the concerns of cattail and jeannegibbs, for your safety. Thanks for updating us.
(5)
Report

Well I have to say, this is the calmest evening in I don't know how long. Doug and I know this is the calm before the storm. But we had such fun shopping for bikes. We bought us panama jack matching bikes. And the second time around the block I think the ole cellulite went comatose. Mom came out to ask me if I would take her debit card tomorrow and buy a list of things she needs. Told her I would buy what she needs on her list and she could write me a check for it and I would keep the receipt. Doug had a brainstorm today. I've been on her about how she needs to bathe. Her hairs dirty and she looks awful. He said it just dawned on him that she must have planned on looking like this when she made the call. She was at the computer desk playing her pogo games. By the time cas made it to her room she was in the bed. Sitting here wondering what kind of scene it will be when they take her out. Has anyone had this happen? She has a mouth like a sailor when she's angry. Could it be possible they will force me to take her? I think my mind just shut down last night and then thru today and now it's racing. I've been on spring break and go back to work Monday. She was in our bedroom again while we were gone. Have no idea what she's looking for. Doug removed all our jewelry and his knife collection he brought up going thru this week. It's locked up in one of the gun safes. I'll be so glad when this is over.
(3)
Report

She is a piece of work, isn't she? Accusing you to public officials of stealing from her via her debit card, and then she wants you to take her debit card and shop for her.

No, they won't force you to take her. The worse her behavior, the more sympathetic to you they will be. In any case they have to do their job.

Monday, right? Hang in there!
(2)
Report

Lisa, we ae all SO rooting for you and Doug. Sending good vibes your way!
(3)
Report

Yeah well she screwed up royally during our discussion in her room. She whined I wouldn't take her debit to pick up what she needs. Then torri said how can she be stealing your money when you are asking her to spend your money with your debit card. Is this why you won't open your account? Will I in fact see the charges from qvc you insist are not excessive? Mam if those charges are as excessive as Lisa says, how could there possibly be any money to steal.?
(5)
Report

Lisa: PLEASE REMEMBER, it's your house. If that wasn't true then none of this would be happening. Honey, they are not going to force you to keep her. And who cares what kind of scene she makes when she leaves.............as long as she leaves.

So are you saying Torri came by today? Why?

Look girl friend, remember what Jeanne said and be careful. I don't like that your mom was in your bedroom. If you are going to work Monday, why don't you have Torri take her out of your home tomorrow (Sunday)?

Your mom is a spooky broad, with a strong touch of evil. Hate to say that, but I wouldn't want her to close to me. While you are out buying bikes, she's thinking and thinking. I'm not worried about her getting any where with her bs complaints. I'm just worried about your personal safety.

Be careful and give my love to your hubby. We are all loving you both and want you to be safe and free from this terrible situation. Love ya, Cattails.
(5)
Report

Lisa: My mistake. I realize you were worried about having to TAKE her to her new abode. Not concerned that you would be forced to keep her. Cattails
(1)
Report

Elisa,
Hope you are having a good day. We had really busy long day, didn't get to check in. Love that you bought bikes--great idea. Thinking of you. Kim
(1)
Report

1 2 3 4 5
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter