Sigh. Yesterday got into it with Mom. It ruins my whole day, and of course ten minutes later, she forgets the whole thing. I took her to the doctor (clean bill of health - 101 yrs next month). I took her to lunch - the usual, she eats 1/2 of a child's burger and wraps the rest in a napkin, plays with the fries, drinks the chocolate milk (of course)
She is very very slow because she refuses to use a walker, only a cane, and is very unsteady. She is old, old old - and refuses the help she needs, won't accept her age - very stubborn. Over the years taking her to the grocery store meant she picks up ridiculous things and puts them in the basket, nothing she would eat. Then she would say she's tired and wants to go home, halfway up the first aisle. She can't work the little driving cart, refuses to get in a wheel chair, etc. I don't dare let go of her in the store in case she falls.
Big mistake on my part, I told her I would take her back to AL and then go shopping for her "snacks" (ensure, yogurt, cookies, milk, ice cream - all she WILL eat) She has no stove, only a microwave she doesn't know how to use. She can't even work the coffee pot any more. She said she was coming with me. I told her it would be easier for me to do it. She proceeded to tell me she needed a lot of groceries so she could cook her dinners in her room. Dumb me - I said Mom you don't cook in your room, you have no stove. "oh yes, I do". "what?" I say. "I heat up things. I need tv dinners (six years ago she might have but since then, in IL we would find them all, opened half cooked, not eaten in the garbage) So, on went the argument with her insisting she go with me. I had to pull to the side of the road to calm down. So I did the only thing I could do - took her back to AL, grabbed an aide and suggested that Mom needed dessert. Then I went shopping, sneaked into her room without her seeing me, filled the fridge, etc and left.
Feeling guilty, I know she longs for the old times when she could do all those things like shop (which was her only interest her whole life) and my heart breaks for her. But I chose the easier path - much better to disagree in the car and get AL to distract her than to have a fight with her in the grocery store about why she can't buy lamb chops and tv dinners. I'm sure she has forgotten the whole thing, but this will stay with me for days.