Wiped. Back up tomorrow to see my Mom. How nice it would be to feel it was going to be a time she would enjoy. How nice it would be to hear "You are a fabulous Daughter. Good person. Work hard. Great Mom. Thanks for coming up week to week and for calling daily." Instead it is met with NPD-Borderline screaming: "No one cares about me. No one comes to see me." I have to prep mentally-grey block... All takes me back to when I was a child & had to accept the insanity & go to school & take a test at 8AM. PLEASE tell me about your nice parent, nice comments, how they do not guilt they understand they are in a diff phase of life-- how busy everyone's lives are esp coming out of this pandemic..trying to get back on their focus is more on you & your kids...than incessant complaining.

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My late Dad [in his 90's] was a sweetheart. He was so happy to have caregivers come to his house, he had 3 shifts per day. Two were regulars. If a caregiver couldn't make her shift, the Agency would put a call out and immediately have a caregiver to fill in, he was so easy to work with. And Dad loved to make puns to make others laugh.

It was Dad who suggested senior Independent Living as it was becoming too hard for him, even with a caregiver's help, to manage the stairs, and to maintain his house. When we toured the first senior living facility he fell in love with it, and wanted to sign up that day. After moving in, he was happy as a clam. I knew he missed my Mom, but he also knew she wouldn't accept caregivers or senior living, so he had to wait for her to pass before doing what he felt was common sense.

He enjoyed the restaurant style dining, and that the facility allowed the kitchen to keep his wine there, and the servers knew he had one 4oz glass of wine for dinner.

Dad was shy, but he would keep his apartment door open and whenever someone would walk by they would yell in "Hello, Bob" if they saw him. Even when he moved over to Memory Care, everyone just loved him. He had zero complaints.

dear eat-pray-love,

hugs of compassion from me to you!!

it's awful to have an abusive elderly LO, whom you're only trying to help. (by the way, it's extremely common: especially mean mother against daughter. mean fathers exist, but it's rarer. i think it's because it's more common for elderly women to be dissatisfied with their lives; unfulfilled dreams/goals) (i don't mean that's why they're mean; i'm trying to say, why it's more common to have mean mothers, than mean fathers).

you asked for stories of a wonderful parent:
i'm lucky to have the sweetest LO in the world (i'm sure many people in the world do).

always appreciates everything i do, expresses it (has always been this way, whole life). very kind, very encouraging, now too: pushes me forward with my current goals/dreams, brainstorms ideas with me. kind to me, my whole life.

congratulating me, with every career victory, or any happiness in any way, for example today. i had a very happy day today :).

i always want to speak to my LO, because my LO always makes me feel good. i also always encourage my LO.

my LO is incredible: even during emergencies, absolutely calm, always positive. my LO's body is incredibly resilient: recovering miraculously every time. singing in hospital!! (while i was worried sick). sweet conversations with me, even in hospital (i'm referring to some months ago, now my LO's home).

in a few hours i'll speak again to my LO. i look forward to it :).

almost daily, i read little jokes to my LO to make my LO laugh :).

My mom was always thanking me and all of her caregivers, that really made me feel like a piece of **** when I lost my temper with her (which unfortunately was too often).

My Mom is Borderline-NPD + Dementia.. LOVE that your Mom never said a mean word to you or anyone else. Tears me up. Even in her times of discomfort. Way to be <3 Should be goals for ALL of us! Yes, I am with you: Def will have care for my Mom as she worsens. I cannot be punching bag 24-7 or I will not succeed with my Kids/future G-Kids..Profession..relationships.. Thx for replying. I love to hear good news to balance out the ridiculous...

My mom died at age 94 and never said a mean word to me or anyone else as we were managing her care; she had a stroke, broken, vascular dementia and anxiety/depression.

I would never have stood for getting screamed at by someone I was providing care for. Your LO sounds mentally ill; these folks are better cared for by strangers. They cam be quite charming to folks who don't love them.

Read Liz Scheier's Never Simple and you'll see what I mean.

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