I'm new to this forum as a member but have browsed here before. I'm writing as I am at my wits end. I'm specifically looking for advice and/or suggestions from married daughters caring for or who have cared for their mothers. I don't know what else to do to get my wife to act and get some serious help. Our marriage and our physical and emotional health are in very serious danger.
We have been caring for her 89 year old mother with dementia for over four years. There is no family help, and only two days a week is there any respite, and even that is only for four hours. Both of our jobs are seriously compromised, and we have no time alone. Her mom requires absolute constant watching. My wife carries literal tons of guilt around, and feels that nobody will be able to care for her mom like she can, in particular getting her mom showered in the morning, getting dressed, since she knows her mom better than anyone.
We have only been married for six years, which makes this even more difficult. Many times I feel we're just sharing this house. And many nights my wife has to start sleeping with her mom so her mom will go to sleep.
I know they have been postings on here about children caring for their parents and I've read quite a few of them. There was one in particular in which someone had replied and said that honoring your parents did not mean killing yourself or sacrificing your life completely for their care. If someone can point me to that post I'd really appreciate it, as I thought it was very enlightening.
Thank you in advance for your replies, and taking the time to read this post.