Dad passed away a month ago. Mom needs to go into an independent living facility. My husband and I would like other sibling (in another state) to take responsibility. This would require moving Mom out of to this sibling. Mom had lived with this sibling before moving to where I (we) live now. Sibling not wanting to take responsibility and Mom prefers to stay near me. Causing friction in my marriage. Not sure what to do.

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Looking for an Independent Living or assisted living facility sounds like a good move for your family. Aren’t there any nearer you where your Mom prefers to be? The transition may be easier for her than moving her someplace near an unwilling sibling who may not visit her.

Thank you for you comments. I will reach out to the Senior Help Line. I will keep my chin up and continue the care.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad.

In a perfect world, your other sibling would welcome Mom with open arms, but that isn’t going to happen, especially if the reason Mom moved out was because it was too difficult, Mom was not gracious about living there or any other reason. You cannot force this sibling to take Mom back, nor should you try. Where is the fly in the ointment with putting Mom in a facility? Is it her or you? Taking care of a handicapped person 24/7 is a huge undertaking; I know because I do it. Go on tours of facilities and pick one you are both comfortable with. Good luck!

Why did your mom move from your sibling to you? Did it not work out with sibling? Why didn't it work out? To be honest, I do not blame sibling for not wanting to re-enter what may have been an overwhelming or unhappy caregiving situation. You don't want it, and neither does he or she.

Is there any way to get your mom into an appropriate facility without trying to get her back to reluctant sibling? That seems like a non-starter, and not worth your time and energy. Could you and sibling possibly work together to accomplish some sort of placement ?

You may already have looked into resources locally, but in case it is helpful here is a link to Maricopa County's Area Agency on Aging (specifically their Senior Help Line, (602) 624-4357:

Sorry you and your family are going through this extremely frustrating situation. And my condolences for the loss of your dad.

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