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My 60 yr old brother returned home 13 yrs ago after mom passed and has laid up on my dad ever since. He is lazy, never worked, or helped dad at all. He's never even mowed dads yard, my 85 yr old dad does it or my husband. He lays in the bed 20 hrs a day with the air conditioner on and is a massive hypochondriac. My dad found out he had Cancer last year and I helped him with all his appointments & trips for treatment while my brother laid up in the house. He didn't cook, wash clothes, or even just sit in the living room and be company for my dad. He never paid a penny for rent, utilities, food or anything. He constantly bummed money for himself or his grown kids all the time. My dad has been worried & stressed out for years about it. Dad would complain to me about it but never let me confront him. A month ago daddy suffered a hemorrhagic stroke and was in the hospital. It affected his memory & some of his speech but most of the time I know what he is trying to say. He still knew how to feed himself and knows when he has to go to the bathroom. As soon as he was discharged from the hospital he transferred him straight to a nursing home and took possession of EVERYTHING he has. He has his own truck but has taken over my dads new truck & totally trashed it. He is a fat slob and he threw all his crap in my dads bedroom & shut the door. He took my house key that my dad had for me. He spent all the money my dad had in his wallet and has been using his debit & credit cards. He does NOT have POA but has convinced my other out of town sibling that does, that he needs to stay in nursing home indefinitely now. There is no reason whatsoever for this because he could be at home and I am willing to move in and take care of him myself. I have 35 yrs experience in healthcare. My brother is a leech and has always used people. He doesn't want dad at home because this way he doesn't have to take care of him plus he gets everything since dad is still living the will doesn't go into affect. I don't care about any of that. I am so upset it's made me physically sick. As soon as he found out dads mind was affected he suddenly was cured and hasn't said anything about being sick. My other brother don't care because he doesn't live here and doesn't want to be inconvenienced. I am horrified they could treat their own daddy this way, just throw him out of his own home and take everything he's worked for all his life. I need advice please!!

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I'm glad that you're going to be at the meeting. And yes, let us know!
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My other brother has arrived now and obtained the papers from the safety deposit box, I see his does have durable POA. YES I HAVE BEEN WITH MY DADDY EVERY DAY BUT COULD NOT STAY EVERY NIGHT AND THE DRIVE BACK HOME IS OVER AN HOUR. My brother and I have a meeting with the Dr. today so he can hear first hand his recommendationson whether it be to stay at the nursing home or come to his home. I will let yall know how it goes.☺
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Have you and your family had a care meeting with NH staff yet? Was POA brother in attendance?

How is your dad doing in therapy?
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You say "I have been with him ever since but I couldn't afford hotel rooms every night and have children at home."

So... does that mean that you have been on the scene since the stroke, or you haven't been but for perfectly understandable, legitimate reasons?

Then again, you say you've checked and you couldn't find any POA documentation. Then you describe non-resident brother as POA.

It's all a bit confusing.

One thing is very clear, though. It will be much better for your father if you can separate out your loathing of resident brother from contributing to your father's care plan.

Just for instance. Is it possible that one reason you didn't see much of your brother at the hospital is that he might have been avoiding you? Since he was involved in transferring your father to the NH he must have turned up at some point.

I'm very sorry for your worries and your father's illness, and I hope you can all find a good way forward.
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Robinhoodukip, that would be a no. I have been there this whole time, I drive 100 miles a day every day now to see him. My
Daddy was completely alert, oriented and driving everywhere before this incident happened 1 month ago. It's not alzheimers, he had a brain hemorrhage due to heparin prior to a procedure. I was working at the time of the incident & quit my job to take care of him. My brother was at the hospital prior to the procedure and had daddy's possessions while he was having it done.he never returned and at 3am the Dr called me from ICU and told me they couldn't find my brother and told me daddy suffered a brain hemorrhage. I went immediately.brother showed up 4 hrs later. I have been with him ever since but I couldn't afford hotel rooms every night and have children at home. You don't have to have poa to admit someone to a Nursing home. My brother had possession of daddy's billfold and all his bank cards and credit cards and was using them paying for hotel rooms up there and not even going to the hospital. I was concerned with my daddy, not trying to chase him down about what he was doing. Once he learned daddy's mind was affected and he wouldn't be aware of what was going on, he went on a spending spree and took over the house. He doesn't want daddy home because he wants everything for himself and not have to take care of him. I want him to be home and take care of him but my brother knows I wouldn't let him take advantage of Daddy this way. My other brother with poa has arrived now and he sees the lies that he was told and that Daddy is not as incapacitated as my brother told him. When poa brother goes to the bank tomorrow and finds out all the money that he has spent without authorization the truth will come out and he won't have a leg to stand on. Things done in the dark, sooner or later come to the light. And, no, I could care less about inheritance, I have a home and vehicles, I don't need a thing. Have a nice day
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so you say your brother cant and doesnt take care of your father, yet you are annoyed that he is in a care home?
so its only now when you want to be a caregiver now you are worried that the brother or carehome will eat up your inheritance?
also where were you when he was in hospital for the stroke? if you were around when father was in hospital surely this couldnt have been a surprise?
if there is no POA and your father is compos mentis he probably checked himself into the carehome knowing that your brother isnt a good caregiver.
my opinion is all of the hatred you have for your lazy brother is clouding the fact that your father is sick and needs proper care and if you were around to talk it out in the hospital beforehand, it might not hand come to this point.
there seems to be a serious issues with your siblings and a serious lack of communication from all of you.
you should re-read your first post, because 95% of it is just bad mouthing your brother and isnt about your father.
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I'm not an attorney, but I don't think you need guardianship if Dad has full mental competence and can sign a new POA for fiduciary and include healthcare as well. That might be a couple of hundred dollars from a good elder-care attorney. Be sure to get it notarized. Could all be done rather quickly, and probably should be. Then just pull him out of there, providing the consent of the doctors is in place. If not, a discharge plan with goal-setting should be put into place. Again, this is all just my opinion from some of my experience. Also, I would strongly advise discussing with insurance and the facility administrator or social worker that all requirements have been met to satisfy the insurance company so that payment for services won't be any problem. Probably run the whole situation by the attorney as you ask for POA.
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Yes guestshopadmin, you are absolutely on point with you response, I've been a nurse since 1981 and fully aware of how the Medicare medicaid rolls. Daddy worked all his life for what he has and I don't want that mooch error or the nursing home to take it. Don't get me wrong, nursing homes are good for people that don't have anywhere else to go or family that can't care for them. This is not the case here at all. If he wasn't so stupid he would see its a win win situation for his lazy self.
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I went to the clerks office today going through all those huge ledgers to see if the POA was filed, I didn't see it. My other brother should be over there by now at daddy's house with the other brother, I saw the gold digger on my way to the nursing home. I saw he got somebody to wash daddy's truck before my brother sees it. He tried to get somebody to clean the house to & put all daddy's stuff back also. It would costs me a fortune to go for guardianship. Lawyers & court costs are crazy, I already checked it out. After he sees daddy tomorrow I will see what he has to say. I will let ya'll know. Thank ya'll for your time & advise.😊
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FB, you don't know if Dad gave bro power of attorney. I promise you, somebody signed admission documents. If Dad stays in nursing home, bro will not be able to live the high life on his assets. Once Medicare rehab runs out, Medicaid comes into picture and all of dad's money will have to go nursing home. If brother has been spending like you say, APS will be called if he cannot provide financial documents that show that dad's money was spent on his care. If you don't want APS involved, find an attorney so that you can go to court to get emergency guardianship if your dad is not competent. To avoid the nuclear scenario of APS, if your dad is competent, get him to sign a new power of attorney for financial and health matters as well as HIPAA to you and talk with social worker at nursing home. I'm sorry your dad is so ill, and that your brother has so many issues. But once long term nursing home living post-rehab comes into play, especially if the State gets involved, brother will be forced out of the picture. If you don't want to pursue guardianship, your options are limited and you can just stay close and be supportive daughter when it blows up.
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His scans showed he was cleared of the Cancer. He has been at the nursing home 2 wks. His Doctors have said he could be cared for at home, the brother with POA will be here today but I've already been told the other 2 want him in nursing home indefinitely. He feeds himself, no paralysis, also continent. Takes his med school, knows almost everyone and communicates. Even if he was not capable of all these things and you have a family member willing to take care of your loved one in their own home, why in the world would you not be happy for them?
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Okay.

This is very early days in your father's recovery following his stroke; and presumably there is also still his cancer treatment to be considered.

So what you're dealing with is a very sick man who is currently being cared for in a Nursing Home.

How long has he been there, exactly? Two weeks or so? And has another two months, give or take, covered by Medicare?

So there is time in hand to work out what would be best for him. Have you had any discussions about this with his doctors? Or with anybody?
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My other brother lives up north and has his own Stepford life. He doesn't want to be inconvenienced and knows if I move in to take care of Daddy, the other brother will leave because he can't pull off his shady stuff with me there. He wouldn't have anywhere to go because he has always lived off other people like a parasite
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My husband is a good man and it was also his idea. His parents are no longer with us and he thinks whatever it takes to do right by Daddy is what we will do. My brother has been living there all the years so if he is in a nursing home, he will have the run of everything over there himself and everything that he was too lazy to work for to achieve himself.
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Really, her brother is stealing from her Dad. No one has POA? You could freeze accounts and credit cards. Maybe a talk with a lawyer.
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You only have one husband and one family, too.

I understand how upset you feel, but I'm not sure you're approaching this situation very logically. It's ten to two in the morning here after a very long day so if you'll excuse me I'll come back to it tomorrow. But just to think on: what does your husband say about your plan?
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Daddy was in the hospital in another town from where we live. My older brother is a smooth talker & went to school with a woman that works at the nursing home. They transferred him after I went home one day and when I found out I went to the nursing home which was also in a different town from the hospital. He doesn't have poa but you don't have to when admitting someone. Nursing Homes here are nursing home/rehabs. Just a nursing homes that added therapists to the payroll. Converts rooms or dining room into a little rehab area. This is a money making operation. Anyway, my dad has Medicare & insurance that pays for 3 mths, after that you are a regular nursing home patient and self pay. Money isn't the issue, the issue is he has resources to receive any care he needs in the comfort of his own home and I am willing to leave my home and family to go take care of him myself. I only have one dad and he deserves my best efforts. I told him he would never go to a Nursing Home as long as I am alive. I am more than qualified to take care of him with 35yrs of experience plus I know him personally & his routines. I have nothing to gain by this but my brother does if he is in a nursing home. He lives in the house free with all utilities paid. Daddys truck and a checking account. Just the month since this happened to my daddy he has shown how he can easily take advantage of Daddy without a second thought. Thankyou for all of your comments.
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Your father was discharged from hospital to a nursing home.

Well. Somebody - your father, your brother - agreed to that. Where were you?

It's puzzling, because there you were for a whole year, taking your father to all his medical appointments and treatments and so on, while your brother sat on his whatever and did nothing; and yet when it came to the stroke and the aftermath and the care plan and the discharge, you weren't involved in any of the discussions?

I can understand that you are hurt and angry and disgusted by your brother's attitude and behaviour, and perhaps also blame him somewhat for neglecting your father? And you're frustrated that your other brother isn't on your side. But what matters now is what's best for your father. If it's obvious that he would do better at home with care, it shouldn't be impossible to make that happen. I'm just not sure that this is the heart of the issue.
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One cannot be "thrown in a nursing home". One must meet the medical criteria for admission. How is it being paid for?
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Who signed the admission papers for the nursing home?
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FatBaby, can you tell us more about your father. Curious why your Dad wasn't transferred to a rehab center to help him with his stroke? Seems odd that didn't happen. Now that Dad is in a nursing home, is Dad paying for this, or does he had Medicaid [different from Medicare]?

More information on Dad would be helpful.
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