I have my dads will and trust and it states that I am poa, however I am confused because it states my dad has to be found incompetent by two doctors. He is just forgetful and can not handle his finances so I have stepped in to help him. Im not sure if I can legally help him. My brother is calling police and telling everyone on facebook that I am taking his money away from him. Im not taking his money, and I have a paper trail that shows his bills are being taken care of and I make sure he is involved in everything. Does anyone have any advice for me? This is what is going on now, my brother is threatening to call the state on me. I am handling all my dads finances because my brother and other family members are taking advantage of his money. I am poa, however will states he needs to be held incompetent. I dont know what to do at this point. I am trying to focus on my dad and making sure he has a good future and can stay in his home. I am afraid that APS will get involved and take my dad away.

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Let your brother call the county administrator or whoever he wants. In many states, it is a criminal offense to make a false accusation and if you can get those charges filed against him and he's prosecuted, get on face book and say, sadly my brother was charged today with making false abuse calls against me and our dad.

Also social workers, county administrators, etc... are very educated in dealing with this type of thing, they know a fake abuse or neglect call when they see it and they will file charges when they get tired of it. They will come out and look around, talk to your dad and you probably, and it should be fine, they may even come out more than a few times. It also might help if you or your Dad can, to hire a care manager to come in once a week at least. They'll guide you in the care of your dad, visit with your dad, look over the home, maybe take his blood pressure, they'll speak for you, in regard to your character and what they've seen, their impression of your caregiving, they'll be back up to you legally if you need it, it'll scare your brother because he'll see you have back up. Also make copies of everything you have to sign for your Dad, including bills you pay, prescriptions you fill, everything. Keep those copies at your own home, so your sibling does not have access to it.

I had to visit an attorney today about the same type of situation, I'm getting ready to walk into what you are dealing with right now, I spoke with my attorney who I've hired to take care of my own trust, and spoke about my Dad's situation and my problem brother. He said that a situation with a parent has to be pretty bad before they can be legally declared unable to care for themselves. Just having a little memory problem isn't it. They have to be diagnosed with something like dementia, alzheimers, unable to walk, that type of thing. Ironcially, having POA does not make you legal caregiver, only legal right to sign for your Dad and write checks to pay his bills. Also ironically, legally speaking, you're safer from sibling harassment if you are not any type of legal caregiver to a parent, you're just helping, if the parent is able to care for themselves. By law in most states, an adult child is not legally responsible or obligated to care for any parent no matter what their condition is, and if you help them out of love, you are just helping your parent, still by law not legally responsible if the house is a little dirty, or dad doesn't do his laundry enough, but if you are legally responsible by document, then you are legally responsible for those things too. Having documentation saying legally you have to help them, is what opens you up to calls to the police, etc... and being nit picked about every crumb on the counter by a sibling. Hope it helps. I'm sure I'll be needing more help in the near future myself.

You just got the best advise from Jeannegibbs. Please follow it and don't let your brother bully you. I don't know where the "incompetent:" part comes from, but if you have POA for your dad, then he has chosen you to act on his behalf.

Maybe a little more info from you on the "incompetent" issue would be helpful, but simply put, Jeanne gave you very good advise.

I don't understand how a will has anything to say about POA. A will is in effect after your father dies. Maybe there is a little confusion here about which document contains what.

If your dad is still competent, then he can decide who will help him take care of his financial affairs. Sounds like he picked you. What's the problem?

Your brother is going to call the state (Crimes Against Seniors, maybe?) and say what? "My sister is helping our dad with his finances and she won't let me take advantage of Dad?" Let him. You have a paper trail. What would your dad say if an investigator asked him about his finances?

Don't let your brother's threats and his mean-spirited facebook remarks bully you into backing down on protecting your father's money for his own use. If APS comes in, so be it. There investigation might just clear the air and put your brother in his place.

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