We spent Thanksgiving morning with Mom at the Assisted Living. After she ate her Thanksgiving lunch and settled in to her chair we (sister and nephew) left and celebrated at my sisters. Now we are looking at Christmas. We had to sell Mom's townhouse to pay for her care at the AL so there is no home. I think it would be to hard on her to try and take her out of the AL and then have to take her back away from us. Am I awful for not wanting to but me and her through that? She has dementia and keeps talking about when she goes home. I visit about 3 to 5 times a week and each time she has small piles of things packed to give us to take home so there won't be so much to move when the time comes. I live in the family home and the reason she had a townhouse was because she can't maneuver the steps to get in the house from the outside or get to the upstairs. My sisters 2 bedroom condo is on the ground floor but there isn't room for her to stay there. I just envision a horrible scene and I already feel like the child from hell by placing her in AL. Is taking them out a good idea? She has never left ( she has only been there since August 2012) except to go to doctors appointments.

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Grace, when we had to move my mother-in-law into asst living, it was pretty bad. We haven't sold her house yet since she doesn't need the money (yet) but eventually she will. My son and his wife are renting her little house, and she loves knowing family is there. What I thought might be a nice idea for her, was to take her over to her little house to see it again. Then I thought, what if she decides she WON'T leave? What if she gets out of the car and WON'T get back in? Would I drag her kicking and screaming back in the car? Jeesh.. I decided against it during that first whole year. Now I can drop off my daughter-in-law at her old house, with my mother-in-law in the car and it's okay. She still feels sad, but it's alright now. (BTW mother-in-law also has dementia too.) So I guess the question you're going to have ask yourself, is your mother mentally able to go to visit with family for Christmas THEN have to go back to, what my mother-in-law calls 'the home', and be okay with that? Or would it be better to give her more time to figure out that she's NEVER going home again? It's a tough call. Been there, done that, got the T shirt. :)

You'll find other posts about taking parents home for a visit and their wanting to go back home....lots of good advice.

You did the right thing. Your Mother is safe and apparently well cared for by people that understand her illness. It would seem to me that taking her home for a weekend or even a day visit would be so confusing and distressing to her. How would that be a good Christmas for any of you?

We haven't reach this point with Mother yet. We have found that a house full of people is more than she can handle. It physically and mentally just exhausts her and takes several days for her to get back to feeling well. We will do Christmas like we did Thanksgiving. A few of us will have the holiday meal with her and the rest will come and go all afternoon long. Some may even go over Christmas Eve instead.

It is all about seeing that Mother is comfortable with what is going on and not overwhelmed. The entire holiday season has changed for many families with elderly loved ones but that doesn't mean they can't be enjoyed, even in bits and pieces.

Best wishes!

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