Boy oh boy...family:( I am one of 5 daughters. My parents are both gone now. I have a strained relationship with my eldest sister and her daughter...BUT...I have NO relationship what so ever with the 2nd and 5th born. The 3rd sister I just don't deal with because she is emotionally and mentally unstable and blames everyone for her problems. She is now in a nursing home. Here is the problem...there was a fight a few years ago because of something #2 and the 5th sister did. I was furious and a fight ensued. I left and they had a restraining order put against me that forbade me to see my mother who was in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's. This lasted for 2 years. I had to schedule an appt if I wanted to see my mom. I stayed away but called as often as I could but they would listen in on the calls. When my mom went into the nursing home they did not stop me from seeing her but we rarely spoke to each other if we were all there at the same time. When my mom passed, #2 sister made herself executor over her will and all possessions in the house...that included the house. After my mom's funeral #5 sister helped me with some car repairs. I apologized to her for what happened and have readily ever since admitted my fault. It was cool with her. #2 sister along with #5 took the house, the car, the money and everything else...locked down the house(that I grew up in)like a fortress and NO ONE is allowed in. They have ALL of the family photos...except for a few that #3 sister(mentally unstable) stole from my mom while she was alive. They isolated themselves from EVERYONE and only communicate to those that believe their lies and they can manipulate. Well now since #3 sister is in a nursing home...#1sister(eldest) has gone to her house and took the rest of the pictures. Some of them are of mom and dad when they were very young. She even has a pic of me and REFUSES to share any of them!!! I have 1 tiny little pic of my parents....that I had to pry out of her hands!!! All of them have family pics and I have none. My niece talks to me so disrespectfully I just want to slap her. She NEVER calls me unless she wants something. I go out of my way to help and her and HER girls because she is a struggling single mom and she treats me like a doormat. I am so disgusted, disappointed, angry, bitter, hurt and fed up with the ENTIRE family that just to say the word FAMILY sticks in my throat and causes nausea. They are so OBLIVIOUS to their actions and selfishness I don't know how to count them all. I truly wish I could just wake up one day and they would all be gone. I don't wish any of them any ill will though. GODS REVENGE WILL BE SWEETER AND MORE DEVASTATING than any thing I could come up with. I could continue to elaborate but I think a book would be better:)
My sad story is long, so l'll list things, it's easier and less boring.
I'm the eldest of 4, two sisters, 1 brother. Whom I'll call B, C and bro, making me as A, if that makes sense. Mom passed away earlier this year and C and myself were executors(not that made a difference) here a list of what my 'loving' sisters and brother did.
1. C had taken over the executor duties with B in tow and every time I mentioned to do something they said no, we'll do it. They moaned constantly that I didn't do anything but anything I tried to do was blocked by them. During the funeral arrangements C and B refused mom a religious funeral,even though she was a devout Catholic. Fate lent a hand and funeral directors sent a catholic priest. They then decided mom WAS religious and C took over the eulogy, which was mainly about herself with B having a bit of input, bro never said a thing and when I did, C spat, "you had mom have her last rites, what more do you want!"
2. C took all moms jewelry and other bits and didn't tell me, Which lead me to believe they'd been stolen. Then decided to come clean to my hubby whilst drunk at funeral.
3. C then accused me of stealing moms painkillers, it was brother who dished them out with my hubby. C had a right go at me and not brother! And bro never once stuck up for me.
4. C trawled through moms house and anything that she couldn't find, she'd ring me to accuse me of stealing them. Most of the stuff she couldn't find was from many,many years ago, so mom most likely had got rid of them.
5. C agreed I could take a few things for comfort, only to tell B I'd go into moms house on the quiet and steal them. We had an almighty row about this one. I offered to bring them back, even though it had been agreed I could have them, but no, I was behaving despicably and was a thief! Us 3 sisters didn't speak for a week, bro kept out of it.
6. After will had been read, it was agreed by all that, anything left over was listed and if two people wanted the same thing, it would be fair to toss a coin. There was about 4 items a couple of us wanted. I won the toss over an item that C wanted, only for her to have a go at me, saying "How much more effing stuff DO you want!" I defended myself by saying she'd won the other 3 tosses and what was the problem. We rowed with B joining in and I'd had enough. I got up to leave and C punched me, pushed me out of the door and locked it, only for bro to come out of back door and have a go.(He managed to grow a pair but totally got wrong of stick)They all refused to speak to me this time, only to say that I'd behaved despicably yet again and that I was letting both deceased parents down. We didn't speak for a month and C contacted me only due to the selling off moms house. No mention of what happened.
7.C,B and bro found moms unopened Christmas gifts( mom passed over Christmas) we all agreed to take back, if we wanted, what we'd bought her. C,B and bro took the lot leaving me a small bar of chocolate and when I mentioned it, they all said oops and laughed.
8. It was agreed by us all that we'd share moms in date food, rather than throw it away. One day I arrived at moms only to find everything had gone, including quite a lot of left over Christmas chocolate and candy. C, B and bro had claimed the chocolate and candy for their kids, none for mine. C, B and bro had the rest, none for me and my family.
9. Mom was cremated and her ashes to go with pops, as soon as we'd got them back. C decided after all the arrangements had been made that she wasn't ready. This upset both B and my bro and me but decided(to keep the peace) to re arrange, we asked on regular but with compassion if she was ready yet, we got a firm NO! It was August when we finally put mom with pops.
10. We agreed,as executors to sell anything of value and put it into inheritance, as per wishes of will. C and B come to think of it, sold loads of stuff, including pops horse brasses, that he so lovingly collected and that I would have liked to have kept and aload of pops '50's and '60's records and furniture. I still to this day don't know where the money went. I asked if solicitor had received any extra cash and he said no. He questioned my question but I said I was just wondering. My fault for trusting C and B to let him know.
11. I found pops old Air Force over coat, I want to keep it but C, yes her again, and B wanted me to sell it. I said I would but I haven't, I've kept it and told them it went for $20. C had that to go towards any reprints of family photos.
12. C and B found their wedding photos that mom had, they said and I quote, they're ours, we are having them back. I found mine, went to take them only to be told no, we might want reprints. I haven't seen them since.
13. I found some photos of my dogs mom loved, C wanted one for her daughter and B wanted the other. Out of me being kind, I let them have them. I truly wish now I'd said no.
14. C has kept all the family photos, mom and pops documents. The photos were supposed to dished out between us all, with any left over money going towards reprints, so none of us would be out of pocket. The same with the documents, birth certs, grandma and grandpas death and birth certs, etc. I heard nothing and when mentioned it to bro, he went quiet and changed subject. I do have the odd one or two that mom gave me when she was alive, when I said I'd get copies for them all, C implied I'd took them after mom had passed. That's probably why she doesn't want me to have any, who knows.
I'm so sorry if I have ranted on too much here, but I never ever thought for one minute all this would happen to us. We were such a close family, who were always there for each other. I'm now labelled as the 'annoying sister'. C, B do speak, but only when they want something, bro still speaks. I know mom wouldn't have wanted this to happen but greedy sister has put paid to that. I'm seriously thing off cutting all ties with them, I'll never get any photos or copies of docs now as C knows I'd like some, it's her way of letting me know she's head of the family now and not me. All this is making me ill and affecting my little family in return, I feel it's all my fault, hubby says it's not and I'm incredibly hurt by my sisters actions. I've recently tried to sort all this out and got called an annoying,Pathetic s**t stirrer and I keep behaving despicably, oh how she does like to tell me how I behave despicably.
Maybe I will have less to do with them, if not for my own little family but for my own well being and mental health.
Thanks for listening all. xxxxxx
You make the comment that, "I go out of my way to help her....", as if you are still helping. If that is the case, I recommend one of two options: 1) Stop helping and learn to let this go, or 2) Start getting creative and say, "I'm glad to help with that, I can pick up a few pictures of mom and dad at the same time!"
Then your parents get old and sick and you are forced to come together again with people who were once your family but are now practically strangers. Then add in greediness, spite and a whole lot of other dysfunction and the sh*t just hits the fan, doesn't it?
Families get really crazy especially when there is dementia involved! Then add all the dysfuntion that has gone on for years to the equation, well...
When the move happened twisted2, POA, filled out paperwork at the facility and gave them the incorrect contact information. Vindictive, hateful and unreasonable. So it is. As far as I know, twisted has not taken out a restraining order to keep me from visiting mom, but nothing would surprise me.
I, like Ladee, will eventually let it all go, I am well down that road and really do not give a dam about them. I am a firm believer in Karma and it is already coming back to them in spades. They thought I lied when I would tell thhem about Mom's behaviors and now with the move the behaviors are even more difficult.
This site was my lifeline. I have been here about three years now and do not know what I would have done without it. I have made so many friends that are my emotional support through all the nonsense.
Keep coming back and posting even if just to vent.