My mom is disabled, she has OA in her knees so has been on crutches since 2008. She also has ssi disability for a year now and just this month her medicare kicked in. I'm not really sure what I want to post here so I'll just start typing. I am finding it very hard to get over feeling guilty for my marriage falling apart, even tho things were bad between us for years. Then my mom moved in cuz she had nowhere else to go and about 6 months later my husband moved out. I have to find out if I can move her somewhere that's affordable, safe, cuz I can't do this anymore. She is not only physically disabled and in pain all the time, at least I know why she has those issues and can deal with that easier. What's more disturbing and upsetting is her mental capacity. At times she has hallucinations, seeing or hearing people not there, not knowing or understanding where she is. It's so stressful. I'm at my wits end. I can't live like this anymore. I want my life back. I want my mom to be back too.

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Caregiving is stressful under any circumstances, but you have had your share of "overload" recently. I've been there (am there) and all I can tell you is to break everything down by its smallest tasks. Do one or two things a day...that way you will feel accomplishment without becoming overwhelmed.
If you haven't already, your Mom needs a complete physical and mental evaluation. (hallucinations are serious and can be caused by everything from poor nutrition or drug interactions to UTIs to Dementia) From there, I would contact the social worker at your local hospital - they have been great here. Sign your Mom up for all free or low cost services available in your community.
Your Mom needs to have an appropriate placement where she will be safe and you can get a breather knowing that she is safe.
You have a lot to deal with now, so leave the guilt baggage do not have time for it (your husband left, YOU stayed). You sound like a loving, giving person who is doing the best for both her mother and child. Check back here has saved my sanity on more than one occasion.
You deserve good things to come your way....sending blessing to you and your family....

Thank you so much! Your words are very inspiring. I will hold up my head and keep going. Hugs back to you from Texas!


If you want to regain control, your financial affairs have to be addressed immediately. That means securing child support and caregiver assistance through Medicare while your mom is re-housed to a place where she can get the specialized care you're not able to provide. Don't forget to drop by your local welfare office and apply for as much as you can.

As long as you have a roof over your head, enough food, and a steady source of cash to go back and forth you'll be fine. Once the basic survival issues have been taken care of, then you can sit down to reexamine your life, your options, try to heal all those emotional scars (or at least learn to live with them), and repair your self-esteem.

In the meantime, make a habit of taking deep breaths and stopping to "check yourself" to avoid acting on impulse. ... You're a lot stronger than you think, so don't even think about giving up. You can't afford it. And while you weave that safety net, sing for inspiration girl! ... Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" is a good place to start.

Here's a hug from NYC, and keep coming back to this forum.

-- ED

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