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But I find it very encouraging that states are starting to realize how very absurd it is to allow payment to an ex-spouse, but not to a current spouse!
I know its hard caring for an elder. There is help, but its sometimes hard to know where to look for it. I'm not sure if you can check with a doctor, social worker or call the town office. I hope you can get some respite care for yourself and something in place for your husband as well. Take care.
I think our whole system of supporting the care of those with chronic illnesses needs re-thinking and new approaches. Supporting the spouse in the role of caregiver is (in my opinion and experience) woefully neglected.