Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

smeshque: You're very welcome! I love irises! Oh, I pray you all recover from that nasty cold soon. Prayers sent! You had to mow the grass when you're sick? Goodness gracious, dear! Get some rest! Yes, women rally - we could sometimes be on our last ounce of strength and we push through - though I am slowing down.

LLama- thank you you very much. And my avatar is a pic of my first iris this year.
Rosses- That is what I have been giving her ginger and  Echinacea. Along with some other herbs and minerals.

She is better today than yesterday. Not well but better. Now DH is getting sick. And I am not completely over it. Oh it is so not fun around here. I had to get all the grass mowed today.
I always wonder why when men get sick they can lay around until they feel better. But most women have to continue on as if they are not sick.
I just always wondered that.
Maybe I am just being fussy. Sorry.

Much love to you all.

Smeshque: Oh, so sorry that mom is so ill and praying that she returns to well health. Btw, I love your new Avatar. Praying for rest for you, too!

The book of Genesis clearly states that God rested from all his work. It has also been well documented in the New Testiment that Jesus would go away alone to pray. You cannot pour into someone else with an empty cup.

Smeshque,

Glad you’re getting better, and for your mom try some ginger tea and some echinecea. Sometimes I feel as if regular meds don’t work for me, but echinecea does. When needed I take 4 pills per day, or more; thankfully you cannot overdose with echinecea. And I give my mom ginger tear every day to help her immune system.

Hope your mom recovers soon too. May God bless you all!

Mom was in bed most of the day, she is sick.:(
I know she is feeling bad when she stays in bed all day, because she is not one to do that. I have been giving her stuff for it and she is getting rest. So hoping she will feel some better tomorrow. but I know I am on day 8 and am still not fully 100%, but i am better.
I am just really hoping and praying she doesn't have to go through it that long.
We will see tomorrow how she is. It was so weird not having her all over the house, checking where I am what I am doing. But I probably drove her crazy checking on her every 30 minutes. Just making sure she didn't need anything. I ran to the store and got her some flowers, soup and some puzzle books. I just always feel so bad when she feels bad. (sigh)


“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” 
Ephesians 4:29

Still getting over this head cold. I believe I am getting there. Mom has it now:( I hate to see her sick. She is fighting it though, so I am just praying it doesn't get as bad as I had it. DH is fine, which is great, because I can't handle all three of us being sick.
But even if you are sick around here, still work to do. I guess it keeps sickness from totally winning.
Been a rainy sort of day. But the veggies love the rain, and that means I don't have to water, so thank the Lord for the rain.
Hope all my fellow care givers are hanging in there.

May we all stand in the Gap!

And I sought for a man among them, that should make up the hedge, and stand in the gap before me for the land, that I should not destroy it: but I found none.
Therefore have I poured out mine indignation upon them; I have consumed them with the fire of my wrath: their own way have I recompensed upon their heads, saith the Lord GOD.
Ezekiel 22:30-31

Please Pray for one another.

Behold, God is mighty, and despiseth not any: he is mighty in strength and wisdom
Job 36:5

Rosses- Your words convey more hope than you know. Thank you.

Rosses: Good to have you back. It's okay to not feel like getting on to post - or sometimes even get through a day - I find. I push myself too much and then I'm done - exhausted. Prayers and hugs.

I have been out of agingcare for a while, and unfortunately I’m not too inspired today to be able to convey all the hope I wish I could, I’ll just tell you I will pray for the sweetness of our Lord’s love and mercy to cover each of us and help us overcome any physical, emotional or mental struggle.
He can do everything! Specially when we feel limited and hopeless.
And He loves us beyond words can ever explain. Hope we all find consolation and comfort in His endless love.

You're very welcome, dear Smeshque. Hope you all feel better.

Thank you Llama, so much.

Well, things are getting back to normal. DH seems fine, but I am on guard, just in case. But we are getting back to our routine, which is good for Mom.
We have been trying to at least. Almost there.
DH and I are now fighting some head colds and praying Mom does not get sick. We were around a lot of sick people these past few weeks so what can we do? I am full of vitamin C and garlic and have my Mentholatum, so I am going to be fine. DH just wings it. But our headaches have eased at least and yesterday I had a slight sore throat, gone today. Just lots of sneezing and itchy throat. I am wondering if it could be the lemon trees. We have 3 lemon trees inside in pots and they have flowered and are producing lemons yay, but I am wondering if it could be allergies instead of colds. Hmm. I don't know.
I hope all my fellow aging carers are doing well. I keep you all in my prayers, and I am so blessed to have found ya'll.

Thy throne, O God, is for ever and ever: the sceptre of thy kingdom is a right sceptre.
Psalms 45:6

Smeshque: I am sorry to learn about DH's mom. Prayers sent to you all.💜💜

And, thank-you Smeshque!

Thank you desertgirl for your loving support of all of us here. Thank you for some insight on what DH could be feeling.

Gershun- my prayers are with you.

Thank-you Desertgrl.

(((((Hugs))))) to you, Gurshun. I am praying for your brother. Angels attend thee and him both. Our God is full of love and mercy.

I personally think it's very important to cry. As desertgrl said God gave us the ability to cry for a reason. I haven't been able to cry as much since my Mom died and when I do I feel all the tension leave my body.

My brother is in the hospital now and I think it's very important I find closure with him. I pray he doesn't die before that happens.

Ah, dear Smesh! Even in all the busy-ness and sadness of this event, you take time to share with your friends here. This shows you have such a caring and thoughtful heart and is why we all love you so.

I wish I could tell you not to feel you are failing our God and Father by not being constantly cheerful, I do not believe He requires that. Even Jesus wept at Lazarus's tomb, and He knew He was going to wake His friend in a matter of minutes! Death is sad and a time of sorrow. He is the one who gave us tears as well as laughter. As the Wisest Man said, to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose. It is a time to grieve. Later, soon, as you said, the healing will begin. Do not beat yourself up for experiencing normal emotions and fatigue. You are as human as anybody!

You say DH is surprised that he feels sad for the mother he never really knew. Perhaps it is sorrow that now there is no hope of ever really knowing her. That book is closed forever. I felt that way when my mother died. All hope of reconciliation was lost forever.

You have had an unusually difficult and prolonged experience in making the final arrangements for DH's Mom. Now you can rest. Take care of yourself. My heart goes out especially to DH's brother. And the peace of God be upon you all.

Had the graveside servhice today. It was hard. Now the grief really begins. Even DH is beginning to feel it. :(
So it is gonna be a rough ride for a while. I cannot think of a harder thing in life than when we lose a parent. I am blessed to still have one. But DH and so many of you probably feel like orphans . My heart goes out to you who do.
All that has been flashing through my mind is losing My Mom. Oh! I dread the day. But I trust in God and HE will be my strength. But, Oh how I dread it. She has been a Mom to DH as well.
DH is confused of why he feels any sadness when he didn't really know his Mom. I told him, it is normal those feelings. And he is going to grieve but he will get through it. I told him I know you don't like to be normal, but it is ok sometimes to be. Made him chuckle. My heart hurts for him and his siblings. But unfortunately we cannot take someones grief. It is necessary for healing.
But we are all glad that this part is finally completed. I thought it was lovely, DH has 2 half brothers and a step sister from his step Mom. They did not know his Mom and they are not related to her. But they came for the memorial and graveside to support their brothers and sisters. I thought that was lovely. Even his step Mom came to the memorial. Even though I know that had to be awkward for her. They just really stepped up with love. It was so sweet.
DH older brother is heart broken, he knew their Mom best. He did not go to memorial service, but he went to the viewing today and then the graveside, but he could not keep back any tears. When the graveside started he walked up to the casket, put his hand on it and took off walking. He is disabled from a car wreck, so he walks with a cane and limp. He somehow disappeared out of the cemetery. All the gates in the direction he went, were locked and there was a big stone wall around it. After the graveside DH and I drove around the whole cemetery looking for him, he must have gotten over the wall? But he went home. He is one we are concerned about.
I have been up since before sunrise and I am so tired. Haven't been resting due to all the stress this has been. I am hopeful tonight will be some rest involved.


“The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.” 
Psalms 37:23

Thank you Bosscat
Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna!
Amen to that.

Today we had two good sermons. I have had a rough day, but the Lord has brought me through. I am sure I failed HIM multiple times today. I am just feeling so emotionally overwhelmed from all that has been going on for the last month actually. Mom is a wonderful lady, and I so hate when I am having a weak moment and cannot smile for her. I never want to take her joy. I always try and escape, to go have a good cry or just refresh myself for just a few minutes. But I have not had that opportunity the past few days, so it has been such a struggle to maintain cheerfulness. Unfortunately, I have never been a cheerful person naturally, I have always had to work at it. But I truly do my best. So I hope the Lord forgives me when I am weak and I pray HE strengthens me and makes me a better person.
So, we finally got news today that DH Mom will be arriving tonight. So, tomorrow afternoon we will do the graveside service. Finally, closing this chapter, so healing can begin and life can resume. SIL and DH are so ready for this to be finished. It has been hard on the family waiting so long. I told Mom, Lord willing Tuesday we can get back to normal routine. Out of town family members have gone, most but a few have stayed for the graveside. Everyone will return back to work, and life will get back to our normal.
And Tuesday morning, I am hoping to sleep in until I am done. Mom agreed she wanted to as well and DH is always ok with extra sleep when he can get it, so we will see.

Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except theLORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain
Psalms 127:1

Bless u smeshque and your family. It is a shame that it takes the passing of a loved one to bring a family together but it happens in all families who live a distance away and have jobs and families to attend to. It happened at my mother's service in January. It's great to see old friends and family and distracts from the sadness.
"Hosanna, Hosanna Hosanna!"
As I learned in church today means "God help us", "God save us" Help US as a "community". Its always used on palm sunday, from the Bible story of Jesus returning to Bethany, but we can pray it any time we needs God's help.
Our community on this web site is always in need of God's help.
"Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna I pray for all of you and thank you for all the support I recieve from reading your words"

Thank you so much DesertGirl

We fed the family today. We took the food to my SIL as it was raining and so windy. Since we live far out in the country and everyone was in the city, we took it them, There were so many people there in her tiny house I felt so bad because we have the room for big crowds. But, the food was gone in like 3 minutes. And what was so special about it, was they all made Mom feel so welcomed and loved. She just had the greatest day. And after we left, it is all she talked about. We then took a drive to one of our favorite cities, as it was raining and we would have been cooped up on the house. We went had a nice dinner and drove home. Mom really had a good day. DH is relieved that most of this is completed. We are still waiting on his Mom to get here and then we will conclude it all with the graveside service. It has carried on way too long for everyone and healing cannot begin until it is finished. So everyone is weary.
But God is great and HE brought this family that rarely sees one another together.

Ah, Smesh, it sounds so beautiful! The family were all there, many contributed, there were happy memories and a time of sharing, lovely tributes and sharing - and even tribal songs with drums! Sounds like something she would have loved! You described it so well, it makes me wish I could have been a little grasshopper in the grass to have watched it all. Now get some rest, dear Smesh, you have certainly earned it! Many (((((HUGS to you and DH))))), and peace to you both.

We had the memorial service this evening. We ate before as is tradition and then had the service. It turned out to be lovely. We had all gotten together and prpared pictures for a video, and DH chose the song to go with video. Then family members got up and dais tributes or stories of her, even DH got up and spoke about her. Even the children that really didn't know her were able to turn it into something good, that wa what was so beautiful. Watching forgiiveness happen right in front of your eyes. Some of the family sand, they are Rosebud Sioux. And they sang several times in Sioux. Oh that is when I lost it. Anytime I hear singing in any Indian language it makes me cry. Guess it is the Indian in me. It was beautiful. Then the preacher spoke a few words from the gospel of John and then they did a memorial drum song in native tongue, tear jerking. There was a lot of laughter, a lot of weeping and a lot of love shared. Then DH thanked everyone and closed. We talked with many family members we never met, and they were super nice people. I already love them. We will all get together tomorrow to eat one last time together and then the out of towners will head home. We are still waiting fer her body to get here. So when she does then the cemetery will prepare her site. And all of us children will have a graveside. Simple. And then the day after, I am going to sleep in until I am done, Lord willing. I am off to rest now, have a headache.

Jesus is Lord!

I hope everyone is well.
It has been an agonizing week, and will not be over until next week.
It has been a chore trying to get DH Mom flown in from the west coast to here, Getting a medical examiner to sign off has been like pulling teeth. Only today has a Doctor signed the death certificate needed in this process. And now there is more wait for the medical examiner to do his job.
So she is still not here. And was supposed to be here yesterday. The family that came in from out of state most of them have to be back home by Sunday evening for their jobs Monday. So the family has decided to go ahead and have the memorial service at the church tomorow evening, whether she is here or not. And then Saturday everyone will come here to eat before heading on their way.
And then Monday, because Saturday will be raining, Monday we will have a graveside just us kids. Well her children and their spouses. That is who is all living here. So it has been a process and it is weighing on everyone emotion wise because it just seems to be dragging out. But, we will all get through it and then maybe I can sleep.
Thanks for " listening."

Hi,
You know, whether we are riding high on the mountain top or struggling through a dark valley ,we can always focus on the Lord ,lift up our hands and give Him praise..all the time.Even if our spouses are thinking that maybe we are going a little overboard.But if we are pleasing the Lord..it doesn't really matter what they or anybody else may think. It's really difficult at times especially if we struggle with depression etc. or we can't feel a thing. But God see's our sacrifice.He sees that we are attempting to love Him more than anybody or any thing else.He inhabits the praises of His people.Even when we are alone and not at church.With love & care...YAH (yongatheart)


So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.
(Psalm 63:4)

Therefore I want the men in every place to pray, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and dissension. ( 1 Timothy 2:8)

Hear the voice of my supplications when I cry to You for help, When I lift up my hands toward Your holy sanctuary.
(Psalm 28:2)



We lift up our heart and hands Toward God in heaven;

(Lamentations 3:41)

By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.
(Hebrews 13:15)

We are almost Home, beloved.And I can't wait! Can you imagine? God bless you !

Spent the day with DH siblings doing all funeral arrangements for his Mom. They decided to do a memorial service and a graveside, Part religious and part Traditional Native American. Soooooo expensive. Most of the cost comes from the fact we have to fly her in from out of state. And will have top wait until Wednesday for her to be here if then. We cannot set a date for services until she arrives here. This is causing tremendous emotions as everyone wants to well I hate to say these words but get it over is what I heard.
After the graveside everyone will come back here and we will feed them. Have a lot of cooking to do, which makes it difficult not knowing when. But the day went well as there was much laughter in the sharing of stories about her. And choosing pictures for a video. That was the first time DH and siblings have been together all at once, it was pretty neat in that fact.
I am so tired, and The rest of the week will be A LOT!
But the Lord is my strength. He will get us through it.

Hope you all have had a manageable day!!

You're so welcome, Smesh, love you. This is such a loving, supportive place to be! I'm so glad I found you guys! Y'all have been a great comfort to me since I lost my MIL, since so many are going through the same struggles and feelings. I don't feel so alone.