Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

Hi everyone,
I hope you all are well.
I had a moment to stop by.
We just finished the milking room in the barn. Next week I will have to start taking the kids away from their Mama's at night (heart breaking). And begin milking.
I will be trying my had at some herbal goat milk soaps. I am looking forward to that.
Anyway, everyone is doing fine. I am staying exhausted. But, God is my strength.
Please take good care and know that you all are loved and prayed for.


Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.
Psalms 19:14

"For every tear I shed I am watering a promise."
--T.D. Jakes

Good evening everyone.
It is COLD!!!
So, I have 7 goat babies. Sarah had her two on the 25th of Jan. A boy and a Girl Jada and Job. Rebecca had hers on the 26th two girls and a boy, Zeeb, Mary and Rhoda. Abigail had hers on the 28th, two sweet girls, Chloe and Phoebe. All Bible names. :)
I had to help Rebecca and Abigail Deliver, they had some issues. It was the most amazing, scary, exciting and beautiful thing I have ever gotten to do. It was Awesome to say the least. Sarah had no issues and actually kidded in between my 30 minute checks on them. It was quick for her.
I stayed with Abigail all night before she delivered because I knew it was anytime and her being a first timer I wanted to make sure I was there if she had trouble which she did. In a few weeks we will be milking. We had to sell the 2 wethers. DH decided no males if we are going to have dairy goats. Because we rent a buck as needed. I did not want to sell them because they were sweethearts but they went to good homes. Now we are going to have some issues because Job has become special to me, he is a sweetheart and I don't know if I will be able to sell him. I would like to keep him and breed him to the girls minus his mother and sister of course. But anyway we will see.
Lesson learned, I will never again breed my does to kid in the middle of winter.

I have been staying tired with all thats going on and just don't seem to find and "free" time to do the things I wish to do.
So please keep me in your prayers this has been an especially hard winter.

you all are in my prayers, and I hope everyone is doing ok.

I am hoping one day to be a regular again. Don't give up on me.
Much love and prayers you all.

Praise God, Thank Jesus, pray for each other and especially this nation and our leaders.

"Jesus Christ the same yesterday and today and forever. "

Happy New Year All!!
I hope you all have a better Year than the last. I have missed you all dearly.
My does are due to kid any day now. I have been studying up on being a goat midwife :)
My plate has been super full for a while now, which is why I have not been able to visit here like I want. But, I think of you all often and keep you in my prayers.
I was studying Acts 27 this week and I found in it some things I never really thought about before, and I have read that chapter many times over. Just thought I would share my thoughts on some of the verses. This is when Paul was set sail to Rome.

7-11 This part of the sailing was getting dangerous due to the winds and the like. Paul attempts to warn the people of the danger, but rather than listen to a man of God, they listened to their human wisdom. This reminds me of Ezekiel 33, when God said if the watchman warn the people of danger and they do not listen then it is on them. Well, such is the case here. This verse is similar to Christian lives, if we warn people of the danger of living without Jesus, and they do not listen then it is on them. But, if we do no warn them, it may very well be on us. But, like today’s culture man’s wisdom trumps God’s wisdom, unfortunately.
12-20 After being warned by Paul and not heeding the warning, the ship and passengers underwent severe troubles. And in verse 20 when it says that no stars or sun appeared in many days and they were pretty much hopeless, that would be an extremely difficult part of the journey. As in life when we go through trials and we feel all hope is lost because we cannot see the rainbow because of the storm, it is hard. But here comes faith in the next verses.
21-26 After a period of silence, Paul speaks up. He encourages the men that everything will be ok, that their lives will be spared. Paul never lost faith in God and God’s plan for him. As a child of God, we can have that hope, “and know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to HIS purpose,” Romans 8:28. Paul knew even before this journey set sail that he would get to Rome because that is where God wanted him to go. These passages are such a good example of life. In our journey we have hard and perilous times, yet our faith in God and knowing HE is working on our behalf, will bring us to the other side, where HE wants us to be.

Wishing you all the best, until next time.

Much love and prayers!

"Beatty,"

You're welcome, Beatty. I'm so glad you've read the book and found it as life-changing as I did. It actually helped me to put it into "action" while in an extremely toxic relationship with my half-sister who I never lived with and was 15 years older than myself. I terminated the relationship however, when she was dying I did go to see her at my ex-BIL's and my mom's request. Nothing changed on her part with that visit. The day she was dying my mom, aged 82, who had fallen and fractured her right wrist (driving hand) two days prior called me that morning and asked if I would drive her to the hospital which was an hour away. There was no way I would ever, ever deprive my mom of seeing her daughter in spite of my own situation. We went and spent the day, leaving at 4 p.m. As soon as we got back to my mom's house, we received the call that my half sister had passed away.

What I liked about the book was it was extremely well written and interesting plus it had real life examples (although names were changed) and the chapters were broken down into the different relationship types it applied to once you read the introduction and first chapter. This makes it very easy to go back at any time and as you said "re-read parts to refresh" yourself.

Having worked in a mainstream church from 1993-1998, it's very easy to see how Christians can and do use "guilt" and other manipulative tactics all under the guise of Christianity. There is no harm in having the ability to use the word "no" when it protects yourself and the limits you want to set. In fact, you absolutely should. Working on staff was where I actually learned "how to say no." Even better, is when you can say "no" without even having to give all kinds of reasons and explanations but, that may take some time for some people to get to that point. I make the choice whether I want to explain my "no" further or not.

Whether or not your BIL and sister would intentionally do it or not only you would probably know the real answer to that since I don't know the background but, I can tell you sometimes it's disguised really well and you have to be really in tune to the them. It could be that they're used to you being a "go along with things" type and therefore, they can't imagine you not doing something they've requested from you. I think the main clue/answer is in your line about their lack of curiosity as to what plans you have and why - that to me is very telling and shows their motive.

I wish you the best moving forward and may you have the courage to do what "you" want to do!

Clearly you are a person of great faith and God bless you for it. I want you to consider something though. Back in the biblical times the average lifespan of a human being was not even what we consider middle age today. No one (other than a slave in bondage) had to sacrifice their entire life to be a caregiver to an elderly person because people rarely lived to be elderly then. It's okay for you to be angry, resentful, and impatient at times because being a caregiver to an elderly person will bring out these feelings if you're doing it for years at a time. No one is perfect. It's not wrong to say no. You should never feel guilt if you aren't willing to give up your whole life to be someone's caregiver.

Thankyou NobodyGetsIt.
Yes I have read the Boundaries book - it was life-changing. I really mean that. Lightbulb moments, plus permission to effect change. Good idea to re-read parts to refresh so I can reference it.

I hadn't really thought about BIL & Sis trying to guilt me (they wouldn't intend this I'm sure) but you are spot on. Sis was quite shocked at my plans to move. Like other family members - more interested in suggesting rather than being curious as to what plans I have & why. Shame. I will put that book in my holiday reading pile.

"Beatty,"

Although off the top of my head, I can't specifically think of ideas/quotes, if you haven't already read "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, you may find an answer to what "limits." This by far was the best book I've ever read when it comes to self-help books as they not only talk about the "whys" but, "how" to do it. They are both Christians so it may help you even more to understand and have that conversation with your BIL so when he throws out certain "guilt" reasoning, you'll be equipped to have a proper response!

My BIL gently reminded me that that as a Christian he believes it is kind to help others. I agreed but asked to what LIMIT? "Where you can". Hmm, not sure I follow?

I feel judged for withdrawing my help for numerous tasks - tasks that have other alternatives than MY help (I am prefered option as free family help & they don't want to pay/take responsibility/change). I actually feel quite abused by the former manipulative situation but discussing it comes across as quite 'victim-y'.

I respect him & would like to have a conversation around this. Any ideas or quotes come to mind?

Lord, help me remember I am doing your work.
Help me to clothe myself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and love.
Help me to live out and embody the fruit of the Spirit showing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Enable me to see them through your eyes.
Help me to have compassion as you did and to follow your example.
Ease my burden and provide times of rest and refreshment.
Give me the energy necessary to fulfill my tasks.
Grant me the strength and extra grace to be able to handle things I might not normally be able to handle.
Help me not to lose my joy and give me moments of laughter.
In moments of frustration help me to be slow to anger and to refrain from letting any anger or frustration give a foothold to the devil or lead to any sin.
Comfort me as I mourn what I have lost.
Fill me up with your love so that I’m so full that your love overflows out of me–I do not have the sufficiency to pour this out of my own supply so I need YOUR supply.
Thank you for supplying all of my needs according to your riches in glory through Christ Jesus.
Help me to just be your conduit and means through which you work and help me to remember that it’s you THROUGH me.
Thank you for trusting me with this role of caring for another.

Phillipians 4: 4-8 NASB
4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 5 Let your gentle spirit be known to all people. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and pleading with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Smeshque, we sung this song in service today and you came on my heart. I thought I would share and pray that whomever needs to hear this reads it and is blessed.

Through so many dangers and toils of this life I have already come, but He keeps on giving the grace and the strength, to just keep pressing on.
He's given a promise that I am gonna stand, on every word His holy word has said, and holding His hand I'll never fear whatever lies ahead.

I'm gonna make it, He's already said that I would.
I'll keep on trusting He's working everything for my good.
He walks beside me and heaven is in my view, I'm gonna make it through.

In spite of the good intentions that I've had, sometimes my strength can fail, though I have tried the very best that I could, my weaknesses prevailed but, then I remember the promise that He made, in my weakness He is strong, and that's when I know that no matter what may come, His steady hand will lead me on, and on and on.

He walks beside me and heaven is in my view. I'm gonna make it, He said I'll make it, I'm gonna make it through

Words and music Geron Davis

May The Lord God almighty bless you exceeding abundantly, all of you.

Thank you, Send. Wishing you and your family all the best in the upcoming New Year.

I don’t think all of 2020 was bad. A good portion of it we would like to erase if we could.

There will be amazing lessons learned from this experience.

Alice2365,
Honoring your mother and father no longer includes submitting to their authority when you are an adult. Hope this one little bit of thought helps you survive.

We don't heap abuse back on them nor seek revenge, but if you have the Lord, parents no longer hold any power over you.

Jesus was teaching in a house. His mother and brothers were outside, seeking Him. From my understanding elsewhere in scripture, they were worried about Him, and thought he was crazy. (I could be wrong). He answered to the people gathered to hear Him: "Who are my mother and my brothers" "These are my mother and brother". (Believers).

Actually the Bible says we are first to "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind", That is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: "love your neighbor as yourself". Matthew 22;36-39.
We cannot love our neighbor if we don't first love ourselves. And yes that means we must take care of ourselves, especially while caregiving, by taking time away and doing things we enjoy, getting proper rest etc. So the Bible doesn't say to put others before us, it says take care of you first, so you can in turn take care of others.

Smeshque,
Interested in your comment about troubled waters, I went to find more.

I saw this:
"I asked the Lord why are you taking me through troubled waters?"
"He said: Because your enemies cannot swim".

NHWM,
The Lord knows what you are going through.
We know only part of what you are going through, but can identify.

The loved one supporting the one going through cancer treatments
is ashamed to say how it feels, but you have done well keeping your dH's
confidences. We are not alone, but it feels that way at times.

Prayers for you, and if anyone else mentions cancer, I always pray for them at that moment, even if I do not post.

You are right when you said:
"God is with us in every situation that we face. It is a comfort knowing that we aren’t ever alone."

God Bless you and your dH in this coming New Year!

Send,

I needed that reminder. Thank you. Your words are humbling to me.

NHWM,
Don't worry about not understanding suffering.
There was a moment, when on the cross, even
though He is God, our Lord cried out.
Matthew 27:45-50
My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?

Alice,
This commandment has been going through my head lately. How do you honor your mother/father who is abusive to you? The answer that seems to pop in my head is this: we do what we can for our parents. If our parents are loving then honoring them is not a problem. However, for those of us who have abusive parents honoring them can be tricky! We know our Savior went through being lied on, used, abused, beaten, and HE was betrayed. As we walk with Him we know that we will face all these things as well. Does that really mean to put up with the abuse from our parents in order to honor them--no, it does not! For me, I do not believe there is any honor in being a doormat or being verbally abused! I just don't! I am sure I will get some backlashes for this, but this is how I feel and think!! The honor is just seeing that our abusive parent(s) as human beings and do what we need to do for them (however that looks like for our situation) and let God figure out the rest! We get enough abuse from the outside world and God knows that we have endure enough abuse in our childhood.

Just my 2 cents!!

I wish I could answer your questions, but I can only offer my prayers. As fellow caregiver, I struggle alone with a parent who is often verbally abusive towards me, and me alone. I try to "honor my my mother/father" , but fail time after time and feel a lot of guilt. Hang in there. You are Not Alone.

Sending love and prayers to everyone on this thread.

It’s hard not to get discouraged at times.

I have difficulty at times understanding suffering.

Doing all that I can to focus on what really matters in life and keep the faith. I am grateful for so much in my life.

Stay safe during these difficult and uncertain times.

I know that I am not alone in struggling with all of this. My heart breaks for all of the families that have lost loved ones due to Covid.

God is with us in every situation that we face. It is a comfort knowing that we aren’t ever alone.

Please pray for my husband as he continues with his cancer treatments. He’s half way through his radiation. More hormone treatments and upcoming MRI.

Prayers needed for my cousin with Covid.

Thanks for being our prayer warrior, Smeshque.

The Lord sometimes brings us through troubled waters, not to drown us, but to cleanse us.

Oh, Smeshque you are going to have babies of my favorite animal - how precious! The boys sound adorable with the great friendship they have. May you have all girls like you want so you don't have to give any up.

I'm glad to hear your mom is doing well even if you think she's doing better than you. We as caregivers probably have all experienced that at one time or another! Sometimes I feel like I'm 80 instead of 58. I'm not sure who AB refers to but, I'm sorry they are slowing down and exhibiting some forgetfulness - gee, even I can't remember squat anymore - actually, I think I am remembering squat - lol!

I'm sorry last week was rough but glad the Lord brought you through it and may it be a better one this week.

I've always liked that verse - the mere thought that the Lord runs to and fro throughout the whole earth in strength on behalf of those whose heart is perfect towards Him is quite amazing if you really stop and ponder it!

Think of you often and wonder how you've been doing!

God bless you and your family! Merry Christmas if I don't see you on the forum between now and then.

P.S. I hope you can show a picture of a doe when they are born - I would love to see one!

(((hugs)))

Smeshque, so good to hear from you.

May God grant your hearts desire and give you all girls.

Sending great big warm hugs to you and many prayers for all of you.

Hugs and love my precious sister in Christ.

Hi Everyone,
I hope you all are well. It snowed here yesterday, so it is super cold. I am getting things ready in advance for the does, for kidding time. DH has finally had a chance to build separate stalls for the does, and we have gotten them trained to be in them all night. The two boys are in their own pen and they have a great friendship, its adorable.
My does are getting huge. I read an article about a doe that broke the worlds record with 7 babies. Yikes!! I am definitely not hoping for that. Abigail looks like maybe twins, Sarah, maybe twins, but Rebecca looks like triplets or quads. So we shall see.
I would love if all the kids were females, I am not looking forward to having to give up any even if they are males. :(
Mom had DH get me a harmonica for a birthday present from her. So I have been
playing/practicing. I can do a few songs that are recognizable. I have always wanted to play the harmonica. I do not think I will ever be a Buddy Green, but I enjoy it and Mom loves to hear the harmonica, so that's a bonus. It has been a great stress reliever as well.
AB has been having issues. kinda slowing down stuff. Sliding feet instead of walking normally, and getting more forgetful.
Mom had a good check up last month. I am pretty sure she is healthier than I am.
This last week has been rough, but God has gotten me through.
Well, I love and pray for you all. Please take care. I am hoping to be able to stop in more. I know I always say that, I do have good intent to, but sometimes life gets rough on me.

2 Chronicles 16:9
For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him...

O Holy Night!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5j_XuATgRU

Thanksgiving is a Christian holiday in the USA, when believers praise and thank the Lord. Thursday is set aside for giving thanks!

Psalm 150

Praise the Lord!
Praise God in His sanctuary;
Praise Him in His mighty firmament!
2 
Praise Him for His mighty acts;
Praise Him according to His excellent greatness!
3 
Praise Him with the sound of the trumpet;
Praise Him with the lute and harp!
4 
Praise Him with the timbrel and dance;
Praise Him with stringed instruments and flutes!
5 
Praise Him with loud cymbals;
Praise Him with clashing cymbals!
6 
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord!

Sendhelp: Thank you so much!