Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

Thank you LL , for all the caring words. Your Mom was a very sweet-hearted woman. That must be where you get it from. What a great thing to carry on.
You may be right about the black shirt. I just worry so much about her.

Psalms 59:16
But I will sing of thy power; yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning: for thou hast been my defence and refuge in the day of my trouble.

Dearest Smeshque: Oh, thank you so much for your heartfelt compliment. I do love gifting very much as my mother did and even if she only had $2, she was proud to give it. I do hope that you and your mother have a happier day. I can understand her wearing your dad's black shirt and I do understand also that it was a difficult day for you-the anniversary of your brother's passing. Some individuals used to wear black dresses and other black garments as they mourned their loved one's passing. They actually wore it for a very long time-about a year or more. So maybe that was what your mother was referencing.

Dearest Rosses: Thank you for lifting Zipster up in Godly encouragement. You are a wonderful individual!

Zipster: I will ask the almighty God to lift your burdens as only HE can. I'm sending you BIG HUGS ((( ))).

Your advice is very much on point too Smeshque, and Amen to being unsure about where we are headed even at 40 something!! I think the search never ends. But although the shape of the final destination might not be well defined, the daily footsteps taken define the rightness of our path...much easier said than done, I know!
May God bless you greatly!

Thank you Rosses, I knew you would have the words.
Beautifully put.
Zipster that is the best advice, I pray your heart will receive it.

Hi Zipster,

I’m very sorry for all you’ve gone through, not only loosing your parents but the suffering you saw them go through. Plus not having real support through all this suffering and on top of that now facing the harshness of your brother’s words.

Everything in life follows a logic, a cause and effect type of logic; when we don’t have a clear spiritual foundation given to us by our parents, life becomes harder to face; and as you explain, your family didn’t necessarily raise you and your brother following a determined faith or beliefs. Your brother is very confused, he tried to find his spiritual way as an adult finding a religion to feel identified with, yet found confusion.

So, please don’t let his confusion cloud your judgement, I think you know very well what’s right and what’s wrong. Him passing judgement on you or your son, and saying that his path will always be wrong, is a mistake and you know it. Him not being present in your or your parents life isn’t what a loving son or brother would do, and you know it.

But you being angry at him and resenting him, is also wrong my dear Zipster. And a mistake doesn’t get corrected through another mistake.

If you believe in God as you say, and I believe you, you have enough wisdom and love in your heart to know that we shouldn’t judge nor foster resentment. If your brother is doing that to you and your son is because he doesn’t know any better, maybe this is your opportunity to show him what following God’s footsteps really is, not “showing of” your understanding of the love of God, but kindly and with an open heart embracing your brother and forgiving him -from the heart kind of forgiveness- so that you can leave behind any resentment for what he’s done in the past, or not done, and what he’s done or said in the present. Free your heart from the heavy weight of anger, resentment and sadness! And show him what sincere love and compassion is.

About your son, I think he’d greatly benefit from timely guidance and reinforcement of the spiritual and moral foundation we talked about, not because he is “wrong” being unsure about what he wants to become  (he’s only 21!) At 21 stopping and taking time to think things through can be a very wise decision, not a waste of time; but because navigating through life having the support of strong  spiritual beliefs is a tremendous help. 

All I know is that if I didn’t have God in my life, even with my MANY imperfections, I’d have nothing and would be absolutely lost. 

Life is too much to handle without God by our side! So I encourage you to cultivate your spiritual life, and while at it encourage your son to do the same. Show him how God and His love is all happiness in one’s heart! not leaving room for depression. Trusting Him will help him find the bright side of life that we all need to see.
I’m sure if you embrace the Lord in every situation, with all your mind and heart, even if not labeled with any particular religion, you’ll experience God’s healing effect on your soul, and your son will too.

Hope this makes sense Zipster, just basically encouraging you to go back to the basics. What God’s taught us all as a 1.1. rule of life, no matter what religion: LOVE ONE ANOTHER, AS I HAVE LOVED YOU.

May He bless you, your son and brother greatly :)

LL-I am not surprised that you love gifting. You have such a giving heart. Thank you for your care. Hope you have a good evening.


Today was a little rough. My Mom was a little sad, it was my brothers birthday, he had passed about 15 years ago. All she wanted to do was talk about him. I did my best to listen and converse with her. I never know how to handle these sort of things. Didn't know if her talking about him made her said or feel better, so I just felt awkward. But the Lord brought us through.
She has this black shirt that was my Dads who passed almost a year and half ago. She wears it sometimes. I don't know if she wears it to feel close to him, or because she is missing him terribly or what. I do not ask, just observed. So she was wearing it infrequently, now she seems to be wearing it almost everyday. Now I still don't say anything, but I am concerned if this means anything, or just not to worry about it.

Zipster, I am sorry for your heavy load. O will be praying for you. Anyone proclaiming to profess godliness, will not tell people they are going to hell. God is the judge of those things, and we are not.
I know that most 21 year olds are undecided about their futures. I mean even some 40 year olds are. This is not new.
Please tell your son, that he will figure it out, not to dwell too much on it and it will be shown to him.
I would hope that you might find a bible based church, and attend. Therefore finding good people, who can be supportive and encouraging to you, in faith, hope, and love.
Most caregivers never see their siblings while the are caring for another. I am sorry for your losses. And brother sounds a little similar to one of mine. But don't let him take your joy. There will be someone coming along later and she will say the perfect thing to you. But, I encourage you to pursue your relationship with God, and hope you can find a congregation that is bible based, if so they will show love, for sure.
Gershun is right, there are a lot of self proclaiming Christians that never seek out those who truly need Jesus, but stick together and never help those who Jesus called us to help.
May God bless you and hang in there.

Zipster, why the name change? I've always enjoyed your posts and I recognize the pain you are feeling. I'm a Christian too but I don't consider myself a zealot by any means. I don't believe any true God loving person would tell someone who is dying that they are going to hell.

I've got a real problem with the disconnect some so-called Christians have with staying true to all the Bible has to offer and real life. I believe it says somewhere in the Bible that to really witness for God you need to be where the sad, downtrodden go. You can't hang out in your warm little church and never stray to the bad side of the tracks. It's the bad side of the tracks where they need the help.

God gives us opportunities if we let him. I try to keep my eyes and ears open. I don't attend a church. The Church is in your heart and mind wherever you may be.

I think you are on the right track Zip if you are thinking about these things and coming to your own conclusions. I'll pray for you and yours!

I have a heavy burden. I am a Christian, though not a church goer but I believe in the redemption of Jesus Christ. I've lived a mostly secular life due to my parents rejecting organized religion, but I've always had faith in God and Our Savior.

I was formally Windytown on this site and haven't posted in awhile. My mom died on April 12th of last year and was cremated. Her ashes are now with my dad's forever. I'm planning on an inurnment (burying the urn) in our hometown in May.

My brother and his wife will be passing through to stay with us and bury mom and dad on the way to another engagement across the country. He was absent except for every three to four year visits over that 40 years.

Maybe 10 one to two week visits in four decades.

He did stay a long time when my dad died of brain cancer.

My son recently decided to take a semester off of college because he's unsure of his path in life. I asked my brother for advice. He told me since I don't know any real Christians or Messianic Jews that my son's path will never be right and he will never be saved. He needs to be saved from his woes??? Unsure at 21 about a path in life? I'm concerned about my son's depression. F you bro higher than mighty

I took offense at those words. I let him have it.

My mom had been through h@ll. I will be frank here so cover your eyes. I never wanted to see a catheter inserted into my mom's hoo hoo while she was writhing in pain. It's awful to see your mother in so much pain. Like soul crushingly awful to see the tears running down in her face.

Perhaps it's because he left at 18 and left me at 12 to spend the rest of their lives with mom mourning the loss of their golden child. Dad died in 2010. Mom last April.

I finally emailed my brother my true feelings about what a neglectful ass he was all these decades. I put it all out there a month ago.

I am waiting for a response from him. He met a nice lady at mom's AL that is supporting his mission that gave him money. She is "saved" and told my mom she is going to hell when she was dying.

I guess I have my answer.

smeshque: That's right...God is always going to answer when we ask. I am glad to have given you a chuckle or two. I enjoy gifting so much that it would be akin to stopping a train if I had to cease. I, too, appreciate you. May God lift ALL of your burdens, smeshque, as only HE can.

Thank you LL for your words and care. I appreciate the scriptures, always good to have in the forethought.
I kinda look at it like this, Ask, believe, and receive.

Your story Llama was funny, made me giggle. :) Thank you for that.
I am always appreciate of you.
May God bless.


You are right Rosses expressions are lovely and Godly.

I am a true believer in the power of prayer, as I have seen God work.
I ask all of you believers to pray for a man that goes by Redd, and a man that goes by Don. These mean truly need strength and comfort and help in their struggles. Thank you.

Rosses: Your expressions are so lovely and Godly. God tells us that HE will ease our burdens. Isn't that amazing to know that we, as Christians, have someone that we can call on day or night, 24/7, without fail, if we ask, he will answer as long as we believe in HIM? Smeshque, without fail HE will lift your load. One important fact that a good friend once told me is that "you have to ask HIM." Matthew 11: 28-30
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
I wish you both well tonight.
Funny story I thought of and a little off topic. I said to my daughter that "I sent your Easter package to you tonight." She said "you didn't have to do that." My response was "you cannot stop a freight train," e.g. gifting is something I love and I cannot stop.

Thank you Rosses for that.
Medicine I needed. You are my mentor. You are amazing, the strength God gives you, in that in the midst of your own pains and woes, you are able to succour others(ME). Oh what love.
May God bless you, and strengthen you in carrying your cross, my dear friend.

Dear Smeshque,

Just a loving reminder that He May not lift your load, as carrying our crosses builds us as the human beings we are intended to be, but He will give you strength, showing you once more that the mountain is indeed tall, but not too tall for His power to reach!

Remember you’re His hands, His words, His love.
Through us, He works.
What a tremendous responsibility..what a cross and what a blessing! We are God’s instruments. And in those times when we don’t feel we will be able to do it anymore, He will gently -but surely- carry us. It’s all a matter of paying attention, and we WILL see Him in every blessing, and in every test..

May He bless you and all who are going through the dark paths of life right now (me included!).

May we open our eyes wide, to see His light!!

Thank you LL, I am confident the Lord will lift my load. I just have to hang in there and remember all things work together for my good. Thank you for your kind words. I do hope you are doing well.
((HUGS))))

Oh, smeshque, I hope that GOD can lift the burden that you've had recently, as only HE can. Sending big hugs and prayers. Yes, AgingCare sent out the Sunday email, but replied "we don't do Saturday ones."

LL- no I didn't write them, I was just letting you know I received the daily email.

It has been a rather difficult few days. I am truly leaning upon the Lord. And pleading with HIM for direction. I try and wait patiently, but I am feeling a little lost. Waiting and trying to listen to what God wants me to do about some things.
But in the midst of all my woe and patience work, I know and see that God is Love, and God is Good, ALWAYS!
Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, and today, and forever.

smeshque: So you also had inquired with AgingCare about the missing email and they wrote you back? What lovely words you wrote!

LLama I too got one today.
Hope you had a super Sunday.

Today our sermon was over Christ as our Passover. How under the old law in Exodus, the sacrifices did not take away our sin, only pushed them forward another year and so on. How he was the perfect sacrifice to atone for our sins, so that through baptism( being buried with him), we can have forgiveness of our sins. What a gift of love he bestowed upon us.

smeshque, I received a response from AgingCare saying "we don't send an email on Saturdays." I thanked them, but perhaps they've changed their policy because I received one today.

smeshque, Yes, the email never arrived yesterday, but since I usually have many balls in the air in my juggling act called life, I let it be. I don't like to err, but this forum has a time limit on editing so...
Yes, I only had one shin splint, but sometimes I have to tell myself to slow down since I have a fast gait; I notice coming down my outside steps, I may get an ever-so-slight wince of pain.
May God's glory shine down on you!
Yes, HE eases our burdens!

Love that verse LLama.
Its ok good or goid, I knew what you meant. Now that you mention it, I did not receive the emails. hmm.
You are so right when we ask GOD to handle things, he takes our burdens away. He even says, Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
Isn't that a lovely thought, to know how he loves us.
Hoping you have a nice day tomorrow, hope the splints are easing up on you.
May God bless you.

Psalms 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

smeshque: Yes, GOD is good all the time! I sometimes find myself troubled over the smallest things that seem monumental to me at the time; i. e, like today, I did not receive the set of 4 daily AgingCare emails and I was fretting about it because I expect for everything to just fall into place with no problems. But when you ask GOD to handle it, the burden is lifted. But btw did you receive the set of 4 daily emails today?
Oh, my...I noticed I misspelled "good" on my last post to you.

Some days are tougher than others. It is unusual when all factors are the same, but the outcome is different. I try an see what is it the Lord is wanting me to see or deal with within myself. Sometimes it is easy to see, and sometimes I have to remain in a difficult emotional state until it finally clicks.
But whether a good day or a bad day, I am always thankful to the Lord for all things. Sometimes he puts us in situations to grow us, to strengthen us and always because he loves us.

You're exceptionally kind as well. Have a goid night, smeshque.

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”
Galatians 6:9

Your too kind Llama. :)

smeshque: Me, too! You're a great wordsmith, btw. Plus it helps us to memorize scripture.

LLama I enjoy, Volleying scriptures with you. :)