Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

It has been much harder for me since returning to work. It seems that before I went back to work, my patience was strengthening and I was managing better.
Now, I am back to struggling with things that I thought were conquered. I have been feeling quite overwhelmed. At first the job was a respite for me, from careproviding. Now it has become another obligation. I have been praying about it and am waiting on the Lord for guidance.
Before returning to work, I had begun to take some me time and refresh. Now it seems there is none of that to be found. I do not want to seem as if I am complaining, just trying to figure some things out. Feeling a little trapped, and am waiting for guidance. There are some people at my job that I feel the Lord might have put me there for. But, then there are people at my home that I know the Lord put me there for. So I guess I am just rambling for the sake of trying to figure it out.
But, by the grace of God go I.


When Jesus says, "He that hath ears to hear, let him hear."

How many of us truly hear? Faith comes by hearing. So if we are truly not hearing God's word, do we truly have faith?
How much do we really listen?
Faith is an action word and if we say we believe, but do not act upon it, do we truly believe?
James says a non working faith is dead.

Much love and prayer to you my fellow Carers

Thank you smeshque.

God initiates our love relationship: We love because he first loved us (1 John 4:19).
God's love is limitless: Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies (Psalm 36:5).
Fear hinders us from feeling God's love: There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love (1 John 4:18).
When we move toward God, he moves toward us: Come near to God and he will come near to you (James 4:8).
God is love: Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love (1 John 4:8)

Great comment LL.
I always say God's love is a love that is there when you get to where it's needed. I don't know if that makes sense, I cannot always express in words what my heart is saying.
But, I loved your words.

The love Paul expounds in I Corinthians 13 is the love of God, which found its perfectly balanced expression in Jesus Christ. His love was not only contemplative but also outgoing. Because of His love, He went about doing acts of kindness, healing and casting out demons (Acts 10:38). The truth He preached also expressed His love. His love was not merely congeniality; it was patient, enduring and ethical.

That's true Ll- If they are not for HIM, they will definitely not be for us.

Those who do not love the Lord will not help you serve the Lord.

But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.
Psalms 73:28

Some humans can be pugnacious. It is not a pretty characteristic to show. Perhaps they're having a very bad day or are on medication. We must learn to not engage in wrath and acrimony, else it beats us down. Humankind should boost one another up, but such is not always the case.
If you stand upright, even if beaten down, you shall show HIM your strength and in doing so, you will be greatly rewarded as a steward of GOD.

Mary: The nine Fruits of the Spirits are a guidepost, if you will. They are all wonderful to aspire to be likened to. The Book of Psalms are lovely indeed.

Caregiving, and losing loved ones, I will always say is are the hardest parts of this earthly journey. It is such an enduring labor of love. Only the strong survive. And our strength does not come from within us, but from above, from the Father of lights. We are weak on our own. With HIM we can do all things.
Even in the midst of caregiving hardships and struggles, amidst the hatefulness of the world, amidst all things good and bad, we must continue to shine so that others may see HIS glory. Don't let the temporal things of this world overshadow our true purpose. There are always going to be struggles, HE said so. There are always going to be mean people who do not care if they are hurtful to us. There is always going to be evil. Until HE comes.
Stay strong in truth and light. HE is the only way to get through all of our troubles and dark despair, HE is the only answer, our only help, our only hope. HE is Jesus the Christ, our Saviour and Lord.

“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” 
Matthew 5:16

Absolutely Mary, Absolutely!

Psalm 43:5 Why art thou cast down o my soul? Hope ye in God...
It is all a matter of perspective and expectations.
When we look at the big picture, it all looks different.

Smeshque: I love your new avatar. Great choice. Yes, if one doesn't have anything nice to say, then one should not hurt someone else with a tongue full of pebbles. True story.

DDDuck: The book of Psalms was written as a book of poetry. Aren't they all beautiful, each and every one?

Duck- It is wonderful to hear from you. Psalms 143 is one of my favorites and regulars as well. It has got me through a lot of difficult times.
I love the word too and it is amazingly powerful. Glad you are smiling, you deserve to smile, and that makes me smile.
Love when you check in. Love seeing you grow. :) A Beautiful flower in a world of weeds.

Greetings to all. I am just checking in and wanted to share that I read the 144th psalm after I read my 143rd which is a regular read. First time I read 144th, it was amazing. I was on train reading and all I know is I just kept shaking my head.

So here I am just checking in and smiling and shaking my head again and again. I love the Word, and I love to learn. This is a great and well needed forum. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. It does sink in.

LL- If only we could always do that it would be wonderful, wouldn't it?

“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” 
Hebrews 4:16

Ephesians 4:29


"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."

The LORD taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy.
Psalms 147:11

Rosses: You are spot on accurate! When I had to live out of state taking care of my late mother (yes, I had to leave my Maryland home and move in with her where she was living alone by her own choice in Massachusetts), I had a Christian friend back in Maryland say to me "you should lead your mother to the Lord." My response was "My mother has been going to church since she was 15 years of age when she took herself and her young sister and now she is 94. My mother is now legally blind, has A-Fib, Congestive Heart Failure, frequent UTI's, incontinent both ways, arthritis and very low blood pressure (60 over 40). I am sorry, but you don't know my mother (said me to my friend)."

Frazzled: That is so true as proven here____
2 Peter 1:4
"And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires."

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. "

cmagnum: Well said!

Matthew 10:29-31 – "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows."

I believe God knows our hearts and our needs. I have felt His comforting presence at times in my life when I couldn't even articulate the words to pray. I believe it is the same with our loved ones. He is there with them on their journey, even when they get to the point that they can't comprehend it anymore. His arms are still around them, and us too.

I had been out of agingcare for a long while and just read the recent activity on this thread. I think it is very important to discuss the fact that some (many) of our elders may become or rather act as not religious as a result of their mental decline related to aging. In some cases it’s not even necessarily mental decline per se, it is simply that life becomes almost unbearable with all the illnesses, pains, limitations, loss of control and the realization that, unlike younger people, they have nothing more to look forward to other than basically death. It isn’t pretty is it? Many of them have depression and anxiety. And all of this happens when a person is at their weakest point, when the strength in all senses fails!

Should we be concerned because they are not as religious as they were before, or that now it is the “the real” them who is acting? Well, I think it matters just because we wish they at least had God when they need Him more, which is a lot to have and really all we need. And about the “real them”, it is for sure not what we see at their weakest point as humans.
From a “salvation” standpoint, maybe we in our human capacity are not able to understand a lot about life and less about death, but God knows everyone of us, even before this world became our home, He knows every inch of our strength and our weaknesses, He knows our suffering and how that suffering has affected us, our lives and minds, He knows how much we believe in Him and how we have lived our lives trying to follow His footsteps...in our right mind, when we were in control.

I actually believe that people that are not Christians but live a righteous life are more than welcome into the Lord’s arms when their time comes! Because what really counts is what we do, not what we say.

The Lord is wiser than what we may conceive Him to be, we are limited when He is perfect! So, for all out there concerned about the elders with a weak mind not seeming to be as much as a believer as they were before and even changing behavior for worse, remember it is not what we do when we are not really conscious and alert what matters, it is what we have done when we knew, how we lived and how we believed! He loves us, understands us and forgives us, specially for what we do when we are not the ones we once were.

There are some people in churches who are

"11 About this[a] we have much to say that is hard to explain, since you have become dull in understanding. 12 For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic elements of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food; 13 for everyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is unskilled in the word of righteousness. 14 But solid food is for the mature, for those whose faculties have been trained by practice to distinguish good from evil." Hebrews 5:11-14.

And that not always their fault either.

Smeshque: It's not so much about being cool or not being cool. It is a fact in any given job or task, even those working for the Lord in a church setting, that only 10% of the people do 90% of the work. Our pastor has said that figure had been amended to 7& of the people doing the work. So what does that mean? It equates to those people having to work even harder as they are now doing 93% of the work!
There are people who have much wealth, yet are scripturally poverty stricken.
Our pastor spotlighted certain people whom he thought had served the church for MANY DECADES. IMHO, he shouldn't have done that because although he offered up apologies for not including some (myself included for I sent out 1,000 care pkgs to ministries the church has), but he spotlighted one woman who seemed to have "come out of the woodwork." I do not want to be put on a high platform, but for a pastor to put people on that was an error in judgement. But he, himself, is not God. Others may say to us "come this way for I offer you better doctrine." We must be cautious to guard our hearts. No every one person will agree with the Pastor of a church 100% of the time.

Send: Oh, I am so delighted that you wrote that the same way I did. I dislike erring, but no one except Jesus was ever perfect.

Two of my favorite scripture verses are those!

John 14:6 New International Version (NIV)
6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

John 8:12
 Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.

LL- I understand. It seems that God has become "uncool" or "old fashioned" and people, especially young people don't want him.
But, If they only knew the amount of love it took for Jesus to leave his perfect home, to walk this earth like you and I , to be spat upon, mocked, denied, betrayed, and then to have nails driven through your hands and feet and to hang there to die, for us a bunch of ungrateful humans. If only they could know that love, then maybe they would love HIM back.
I never want people to come to love Jesus out of fear of hell or punishment, I only wish they would love him because he loves them and no one will ever love us as much as he does.
It is sad that people are searching for this "happiness" and will never find it, because HE offers and is the happiness and love that we so desperately seek in one another or in this world.
If only they knew. We try and tell others as often as the courage and boldness is in us to do so. We often fail, because our humans get in the way. It is tragic how bible believing congregations are getting smaller and smaller. Getting left for huge "churches" that offer entertainment as opposed to doctrine. The bible says they will have itching ears. Wanting to hear what pleases them. We always want to be around someone who will just support us in whatever we do in life, we never want to hear that maybe what we are doing is not good for us. It is so very sad to watch the decline in true believers. And it is such a blessing when you come across one. But, The church will never fail. Because the True body of Christ will always exist until He returns.

Smeshque: Thank you for making the correction on my error for Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Light. One can be Good, but lest we be careful not to put ourselves high up on a platform, for only HE can accomplish that. Our sermon last night was about leading people to the Lord as we know HIM and others may not. I have difficulty with that. In fact, I live with someone who had Catholicism pushed on him. It made him turn away so I must lead by example, hoping that he'll follow. The sermon was also about how the "10 % of the people do 90 % of the work," That has been amended and not in a good way. 7% of people do the work. Herein lies the problem---many of the parishioners are aging, myself included. Therefore, NBT (Neighborhood Bible Time) is a methodology the church uses to bring teens to church, hoping that one day they will be the new workers. Spreading the gospel is difficult if one does not want to hear it. We need bus drivers, Sunday school teachers, ministry teachers, childcare providers, choir members, tithing escalation and so much more, else the church, as a body and a business, fails. People have left to find other houses of worship for their own personal reasons. One cannot be bitter as the Lord does not like wrath, strife nor bitterness. We build each other up as one body, one church, and one GOD!

My dear Smeshque: We rally! That's what we do here on this forum. I am so sorry for the woman, a wonderful and Godly woman. Now I am attempting to compare notes to my SIL, Cathy's early onset Alz. In order to help her I would have to drive through the Baltimore Harbor Tunnel. I just can't stand by and do nothing; that is not my nature.