Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

Dear Smesh, I haven't read all the posts, so I am responding to your question. Jesus said to love your neighbour as yourself. He didn't say to love your neighbour better than yourself. You should not be 'putting yourself aside'. Looking after yourself helps to keep yourself able to care for your neighbour. Jesus is the only martyr we need. You don't need to compete. Love, Margaret

Smeshque: I am glad that your mom is better. Today I had a cortico steroid injection in my left inflammed rotator cuff. Immediately upon leaving his office, my left arm felt stroke-like. So I called back, but it was signficantly improved in an hour and a half. Thank goodness. On my way, I saw my friend skating along with her leashed doggie. She didn't need a ride and was on her way. (She's in her 40s.).

LL- thank you for your love and encouragement.
Mom had me worried the last couple of days. She was not feeling well. Not really wanting to eat and she loves to eat. I got really concerned when she did not even want any of her usual sweets. I believe today she had a slight fever, but sweated it out and then she finally ate a small dinner and had a sweet treat. So I am hopeful she is feeling better whatever was ailing her. She said she is feeling better, so I am glad and thank the Lord.




These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Smeshque: This too shall pass. Love and hugs.

I had written a post and was ready to post it and then , Ahhhh, I don't know what happened it got erased. Probably for the best. It is pretty symbolic of how I have spent the last couple of weeks.
So.... rather than try and recreate it, as I am too emotionally and physically tired, I will just say, I hope all my fellow caregivers have maintained this day and that you have a good evening/night.


Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
Psalms 27:7

I love your gentle spirit and warrior soul. Chin up, your battle is won!

Hope everyone of you fellow caregivers had a very blessed Thanksgiving!
This day invites us to truly count our blessings, which, although we know our life can be very challenging, we also know our Lord always watches over us, guiding us and filling us with renewed strength, patience and hope every day so we can keep fulfilling our purpose.
May He continue blessing us abundantly with His generous love!

Smeshque: You're welcome! And Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!

Ll- I believe that is correct.

fellowcaregiver: I believe that smeshque is not struggling with purpose, right smeshque?

“Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.” 
Psalms 63:3

Scripture is important but it seems like you are struggling with purpose. As a believer you struggle with caregiving but so does non-believers. Caregiving is difficult and to give yourself away is also difficult. Prayer is important but also finding yourself in caregiving is equally important. When I started this journey, I was tortured in my own thoughts of not knowing what to do for me. My life vanished and care giving was my new normal. Acceptance of my fate, trying to prepare for my life after caregiving was over, imagining visiting my son and granddaughter who I never met because of my caregiving duties was apart of my acceptance. So again prayer and scripture is important but application of life decisions are equally important for you to ensure you do not completely lose yourself in this journey that God has you on. Also my mother passed this summer, and I got to visit my son and my granddaughter but I am still having residual effects of my experiences which I am taking time to heal and find my life again, post caregiving. Stay prayed up but also applying some practical life applications from your prayers and accept this journey while giving it to God for guidance and support as to what to do daily, monthly, and yearly. Stay blessed and find your life in caregiving and afterwards. AMEN!!!

Smeshque: You're welcome.

LL- Thank you for the prayers. He sure needs them. I thank you for your kind words.
It is my only goal in this life to accomplish loving the Lord with all my heart, mind, and soul.

Smeshque: Glad that you loved the verse in Chronicles. That must be quite spectacular on your wall. I've thought of you, your husband and your mother as people who love the Lord with all your hearts always. You're wonderful people.

Smeshque: Prayed for the gentleman named Red. Whatever his needs are, God knows them.

Please pray for a man called Red.
That the Lord would comfort his heart and give him peace of mind. He is heart broken. :(
Thank you.

LL- 1 Chronicles 28:20, is one of my favorite verses. I wrote in in calligraphy on our living room wall and DH framed it nicely.
When we really started dedicating our lives to God, that verse was very encouraging to both of us.

Dad read it everyday while he lived with us. So maybe it was an encouragement for him, also.

Psalm 56:3-4
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?

1 Chronicles 28:20 
David also said to Solomon his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished."

Joshua 1:3-9
I promise you what I promised Moses: "Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you ... No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you. Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. Be strong and very courageous ... Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

“Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.” 
Psalms 31:24

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God...
Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
1 John 4:7,10,11

Keep in mind that you've got to be able to care for yourself in order to care for others. And, that is something that I believe even Christ, or whomever one believes in, would agree with. Be good to yourself, do what you need to do to maintain your own health, mentally, spiritually and physically. That in turn will allow you to be fully "there" for your LO.

I am thinking this is a special word for me. Love the ones that hate and use you...yep my two siblings fill the bill there...and i have been setting healthy boundaries with them lately...just to not get drawn into dysfunctional patterns. The scriptures say to be as wise as serpents yet gentle ...innocent ...as doves. Because Love never fails...i pray for more love and not to use the grace He gives me to hurt but to heal. So there is a place to take a stand in love...and not retaliation. There is a moment between lashing back or choosing to just stand strong in the love of the Lord remembering He has forgiven me i can fogive. But...i don't have to lay down and be run over..
i can stand in the Lord Jesus in a quiet confidence that He is my defence, my provider, the ONE who is allowing these trials to burn away the junk in me until He sees only His reflection in my broken heart. Getting better not bitter from the firey trials of learning all i need is Him, He is enough. Takes guts really...and abusers will see it as a weakness when you don't lash back...but God knows how hard it is for us and it pleases His heart I know...so who cares what they think. Care what Jesus thinks more and just be kind why not. Love and prayers to all of you !

momof4girls: I give you BIG KUDOS to take care of your LO with Alzheimer's! That's extremely difficult! Hats off to you, my dear lady!

Smeshque: That's right about not enjoying the LO as you should when you're in your caregiving role. When I was living out of state with my late mother, I tried to fit in as many social events as I could. Still I had others critiquing me, to which I say if you think you can do what I did--to leave my home, my family and my life, then by all means take over. No one did!

Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

“Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, serving as overseers—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.” —1 Peter 5:2–4

That truly is one thing I have learned in this caregiving journey. That when you are in the caregiver position, you don't get to enjoy the LO as you should or would like to. Because you are under a lot of stress and carrying a load. That is why it is so important to have some sort of respite. I have yet to be able to do that. When I was working I was able to enjoy Mom more than when I am here 24/7. The work was in some ways was a respite for me, however, it was still work and more stress. So I have yet to figure out how to get my respite here at home. I ponder if I should go back to work or not for that purpose. I don't know.
But, it will come.
The Lord is my strength and refuge and a very present help.
But, as a caregiver if you have an opportunity for a little respite to revive yourself, so that you can enjoy your Loved ones more, please do it.