Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

Rosses: My surgery was 7:00 A. M. December 12. Today I awoke with a horrible migraine...the worst one IN YEARS. The pain medicine that they gave me (not for migraine but I had to use it as one) finally abated the migraine.

Dear Frazzled (HUGS),
You are doing a good job. I understand those moments also when the tears come. But, remember it is cleansing.
I know it is so difficult for each of us in similar and different ways, I am so glad that we can share with one another. With others who understand why we feel the things we feel and why we get so "crazy" at times.
Dear friend, you are a very strong person, and the fact that you continue on each day, trying and not giving up and knowing that you and we are not alone, and that God is in control, is strength in itself.
You are doing good, even though sometimes it feels like we are failing at it all. We keep trying, keep loving the best we can and most importantly praying.
It is good that you are praying for your mom, because you know we cannot be everything to them and we cannot deliver the endless love and patience and we cannot fix them or give them internal happiness, But the Lord Jesus can if it's HIS will.
I too will keep you and your Mom in my prayers.
I hope some of this makes sense. Sometimes it sounds good in your head and when you try and express it, it doesn't always come out right.
But, I hope you can feel the love I am trying to send you. Hang in there.

I talk a lot on here about my mom and the dysfunction in her side of the family (and my relationship with her). I think I've gotten pretty good at detaching but it still gets to me sometimes.

Earlier I had one of those moments. I really don't know why, but I started crying, just about mom, her situation, mine, etc.

I spent the day with mom taking her to get a scan that her doctor ordered (a LONG ordeal!), and she is not easy to deal with, believe me. Most of the time I struggle to not get irritable and aggravated because my mom is very selfish and makes things difficult. She has always been this way, but with mental illness and dementia is magnified.

Lately at her senior living facility she has been isolating in her room, not wanting to join activities, paranoid, etc. I've written quite a bit about it on the Dysfunctional Families thread. Anyway, sometimes I just get sad at the way that my mom is so miserable all the time. A lot of my life I tried to make her happy. I will say she hasn't had an easy life. I learned over time that I'm not responsible for her overall happiness yet so badly I wish I could wave a wand so that for once in her life she would be happy and be able to enjoy the good things, the fun things.

I found out she did go play Yahtzhee with some other people last night, and she signed up to ride the bus to go look at Christmas lights this evening, so that's a big plus compared to how things have been. I hope she did end up going.

I prayed earlier and asked God to put His arms around mom so that she could truly feel His love, and I pray a lot for her peace and ultimately happiness if it's possible. I know He has helped me walk through this too. Maybe the tears came because I needed to feel them.

Anyway, I just wanted to share. I know He is with us even in the valleys, and I find comfort knowing that we don't walk through any of it alone. Blessings to all of you and will say a prayer for everyone here tonight as well.

Llama, I referred to the early morning as your beginning step towards health, as I thought your surgery was today; therefore I hoped it was filled with hope and strong faith.
And if your surgery was in fact today, truly pray all went well! The fact you are here I think means it went well :)

Smeshque: Thank you.

Rosses: The early morning is NOT my friend. When living with my late mother and I'd NO sleep, she would fling the draperies open! Good grief~😨 I didn't need to see that strong sunlight with such bleary eyes!

Dear Llama, the early morning will also bring fresh and renewed faith and trust in God, who will lovingly cover you with His immense love and protection. Soon you will be telling us all is over and went great! A hug!!

praying all goes well LL

The early morning shall come too soon for me. Please pray! Thank you!

Yes! We made it. And God will be there again tomorrow to walk for us when we cannot walk, to give when we feel there is nothing left, and to refill our strength tank when we are running low :)

May we all get a restful night!

Been a rough day, I am sure not just for me, but for some of you. But we made it through hallelujah!



Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms.
James 5:13 .

I completely understand your feelings. It comforts me to pray also. Through the difficult times I focus on my mindset. Positive thoughts are powerful.

In many situations that arise during the day, I simply say, "It could be worse" then I think of something way worse than the moment, sometimes I end up lol.
Hang in there, we are all in a temporary situation for now.

Sometimes you can't understand others completely, simply because you haven't walked a mile in their shoes.
Understand that you do your best under the guidance and love of God to the best of your ability. That you work to change the things you are able to change, and accept the things you can't.
Focus on you doing your best everyday, and nothing secular matters to you if there is nothing you can do to help change it.

Dear Annie,
I cannot add more than what Rosses has written.
Praying for you.
Much Love in Jesus.

Dear Annie,

May you feel the warm embrace of God’s love during this very hard and trying time, and feel the blessing of being able to be there for your mom and let her feel your love specially now. This is a gift Annie, although hard to think about it this way, it is a gift to be there for a parent when they need us the most.
And yes, it is so simple, yet so hard, right? “Love one another as I have loved you”. If we were able to really do that the world would be so different!

May God bless you and your mom, always!

Believing Caregivers-
As I come to the end of the journey of caregiving and watching my mother dying the verse that has hit my heart the most is just how very much we should love each other. Lavishly. I know its not always easy. Believe me, every day lately has seemed like a test. and suddenly, just as quickly as it began, 8 years later it is suddenly ending. No regrets my friends. We are human, We are all works in progress. May God richly bless you all.

Rosses: I had the pre op appointment on December 6. The most worrisome thing for me is getting there in the state capital by 7:00 A. M. Thank you!

Llama,

How are you doing in preparation for your surgery? Hope the answer is doing well, with a positive mindset and ready to get that over with! :) looking forward to hearing (or rather reading) you say that it’s done and you feel much better! It will happen. God bless!!

I actually am an anomaly as I am a Winter person.
Smeshque, sorry that's it hard on your sweet mom.
Big hugs ((( ))).

Smeshque: Thank you. And to you and John as well---you're sweet.

LL- You are a sweet lady.

Been a pretty good week. Hope ya'll had a good week and will have a good weekend. try and find the good in everything and steal some joy where you can.


“Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.” 
Psalms 37:5

Smeshque:💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💙💙💙💙💙

As anyone who’s ever been wowed by a speech or surprised by a bumper sticker knows, inspirational quotes come in all shapes and sizes and cover every possible topic. The challenges we face every day as caregivers are shared challenges that other people have gone through and are going through. 


For caregivers, the best and most meaningful quotes cover a wide range of things, but whether the topic is love, patience, fear, courage, or compassion, the wisest words tend to point to one particularly important truth: that we are not alone.
This is relevant for all caregivers, and perhaps especially so for those taking care of someone with Alzheimer’s and/or dementia, since the experience of caring for someone who is no longer themselves can make you feel very isolated and alone. Below, please find a selection of quotes that we find particularly relevant for caregivers, along with some inspirational words posted to our Facebook page by caregivers who deal with the same challenges we all do.
On Compassion:
1. “Compassion brings us to a stop, and for a moment we rise above ourselves.”
— Mason Cooley
2. “Compassion automatically invites you to relate with people because you no longer regard people as a drain on your energy.”
— Chogyam Trungpa
On Positive Attitude:
3. “If you can’t change your fate, change your attitude.”
― Amy Tan
4. “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the things which you think you cannot do.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt
5. “Although the days are busy and the workload is always growing, there are still those special moments when someone says or does something and you know you’ve made a difference in someone’s life. That’s why I became a nurse.”
— Diane McKenty
6. “Be determined to handle any challenge in a way that will make you grow.”
— Les Brown
7. “Forgiveness is not an occasional act: it is an attitude.”
— Martin Luther King Jr.
8. “Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.”
— Emory Austin

The cold weather has been hard on Mom. Makes her stiff as she says. And kind of blah. I keep trying to think of ways to help her out. I am going to make a walking path on the outer edge inside the greenhouse, so that at least we can continue walking even through winter, maybe that will help,
We had a good day today. Red was doing a lot better, dealing with his grief. You can see that he is healing some.
My DH preached this morning, it was a good lesson on being a soldier in the Lord's army. And tonight was on influence and how we influence others good or bad.
One of our members had a flat tire this morning and she called early, so we picked her up for church. I thought this is a good time for my Mom and her to talk, they are both widows about a year apart in their losses. But, my Dear Sweet Mom just talked her ear off and the lady could barely get a word in, But, that's my Mom and I love her. I just felt so bad for the lady, maybe she didn't mind, she is a much quieter lady kind of like me, so maybe she prefers to listen, I so hope.

Hope all my fellow caregivers have a good evening.

Smeshque: That is good that you had a "sunshine kind of day."

Proverbs 21:5
"Steady plodding brings prosperity; hasty speculation brings poverty."

The thing is, the secular world can't save you. And we are living in the times where we are going to be tempted to turn away from God. Sister please stay in prayer and asked for continued strength. Keep the faith and trust and follow God's word. Life can be challenging and hard, but He said He will never leave or forsake you. Trust Him. He loves you and knows your pain. Just wait for Him.

Today was a nice day. I thank the Lord for his mercies this day. It was not such a struggling day as many of them.
I hope all of you Caregivers are doing okay!!
May God bless you and strengthen you and comfort you.


"I love the LORD, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications.
Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him as long as I live."
Psalms 116:1-2

Yes, one must take care of themself first and foremost, else they'll be good to no one, falling faint and ill.

Thank you Margaret. Since posting my question a while back. I have learned I must take care of myself, in order to be able to take care of others. Putting it into practice is easier said than done. But, I know the importance now of self care, in order to truly care.
God is good!