Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

Continued

Panicked, his mind probed in every direction, frantically searching for solutions. In his mind’s eye, he saw himself grabbing a coiled rope, climbing down the ladder, running down the catwalk, securing the rope, sliding down towards his son, pulling him back to safety. Then in an instant, he would move back down towards the control lever and thrust it down just in time for the oncoming train.
 
As soon as these thoughts appeared, he realized the futility of his plan. Instantly he knew there just wouldn’t be enough time. Frustration began to beat on John’s brow, terror written over every inch of his face. His mind darted here and there, vainly searching for yet another solution.
 
His agonized mind considered the four hundred people that were moving inextricably closer and closer to the bridge. Soon the train would come roaring out of the trees with tremendous speed, but this was his son…his only son…his pride…his joy.
 
He knew in a moment there was only one thing he could do. He knew he would have to do it. And so, burying his face under his left arm, he plunged down the lever. The cries of his son were quickly drowned out by the relentless sound of the bridge as it ground slowly into position. With only seconds to spare, the Memphis Express—with its 400 passengers—roared out of the trees and across the mighty bridge.
 
John Griffith lifted his tear-stained face and looked into the windows of the passing train. A businessman was reading the morning newspaper. A uniformed conductor was glancing nonchalantly as his large vest pocket watch. Ladies were already sipping their afternoon tea in the dining cars. A small boy, looking strangely like his own son, pushed a long thin spoon into a large dish of ice cream. Many of the passengers seemed to be engaged in idle conversation or careless laughter.
 
No one even looked his way. No one even cast a glance at the giant gear box that housed the mangled remains of his hopes and his dreams.
 
In anguish he pounded the glass in the control room. He cried out “What’s the matter with you people? Don’t you know? Don’t you care? Don’t you know I’ve sacrificed my son for you? What’s wrong with you?”
 
No one answered. No one heard. No one even looked. Not one of them seemed to care. And then, as suddenly as it had happened, it was over. The train disappeared moving rapidly across the bridge and out over the horizon.
 
Even now as I retell this story, I’m moved by emotion. For this is but a faint glimpse of what the Father did in sacrificing his Son to atone for the sins of the world. Unlike the Memphis Express, however, an express that caught John Griffith by surprise, God in His great love and according to His sovereign will and purpose, determined to sacrifice his Son so that we might live. Not only so, but the consummate love of Christ is demonstrated in that He was not accidentally caught as was John’s son. Rather, He willingly sacrificed his life for the sins of mankind.

John Griffith was in his early twenties. He was newly married and full of optimism. Along with his lovely wife, he had been blessed with a beautiful baby. He was living the American dream. But then came 1929—the Great Stock Market Crash—the shattering of the American economy that devastated John’s dreams. The winds that howled through Oklahoma were strangely symbolic of the gale force that was sweeping away his hopes and his dreams. And so, brokenhearted, John packed up his few possessions, and with his wife and his little son, headed East in an old Ford Model A. They made their way to the edge of the mighty Mississippi River and found a job tending one of the great railroad bridges there.
 
Day after day, John would sit in the control room and direct the enormous gears of the immense bridge over the mighty river. He would look out wistfully as bulky barges and splendid ships glided gracefully under his elevated bridge. Each day, he looked on sadly as those ships carried with them his shattered dreams and his visions of far-off places and exotic destinations.
 
It wasn’t until 1937 that a new dream began to be birthed in John’s heart. His young son was now eight years old and John had begun to catch a vision for a new life, a life in which Greg, his little son, would work shoulder to shoulder with him. The first day of this new life dawned and brought with it new hope and fresh purpose. Excitedly, they packed their lunches and headed off towards the immense bridge.
 
Greg looked on in wide-eyed amazement as his Dad pressed down the huge lever that raised and lowered the vast bridge. As he watched, he thought that his father must surely be the greatest man alive. He marveled that his Dad could singlehandedly control the movements of such a stupendous structure.
 
Before they knew it, Noon time had arrived. John had just elevated the bridge and allowed some scheduled ships to pass through. And then taking his son by the hand, they headed off towards lunch.
 
As they ate, John told his son in vivid detail stories about the marvelous destinations of the ships that glided below them. Enveloped in a world of thought, he related story after story, his son hanging on his every word.
 
Then, suddenly, in the midst of telling a tale about the time that the river had overflowed its banks, he and his son were startled back to reality by the shrieking whistle of a distant train. Looking at his watch in disbelief, John saw that it was already 1:07. Immediately he remembered that the bridge was still raised and that the Memphis Express would be by in just minutes.
 
In the calmest tone he could muster he instructed his son “Stay put.” Quickly, he leaped to his feet, he jumped onto the catwalk. As the precious seconds flew by, he ran at full-tilt to the steer ladder leading into the control house.
 
Once in, he searched the river to make sure that no ships were in sight. And then, as he had been trained to do, he looked straight down beneath the bridge to make certain nothing was below. As his eyes moved downward, he saw something so horrifying that his heart froze in his chest. For there, below him in the massive gearbox that housed the colossal gears that moved the gigantic bridge, was his beloved son.
 
Apparently Greg had tried to follow his dad but had fallen off the catwalk. Even now he was wedged between the teeth of two main cogs in the gear box. Although he appeared to be conscious, John could see that his son’s leg had already begun to bleed. Then an even more horrifying thought flashed through his mind. Lowering the bridge would mean killing the apple of his eye.

Continued

As a believer and caregiver myself, I understand this dilemma all too well. Yes, it is important to care for others, but we must also care for ourselves. It's all about balance. Everyone needs a break. Self care is not selfish, it's necessary.

Caregiver burnout is very real, and if bad enough it can land you in the hospital by making you sick or injured because of all the stress endured during caregiving. If you are rendered sick and injured, you won't be of much use to anyone. That's why it's so important to take time each day to take care of yourself. Everyone needs a break. There's nothing wrong with taking a break. Even God Himself rested on the 7th day.

There is an excellent analogy for this situation: the oxygen masks in an airplane. You put your own mask on first so you can help others put their masks on as well. If you put someone else's mask on first, you will pass out and be useless to anyone. It works the same exact way in caregiving- take care of yourself so you can take care of others and provide a better quality of care. We cannot pour from an empty cup.

This is a wonderful article about the Book of Job.
https://www.abc.net.au/religion/philosophical-reading-of-the-book-of-job/11054038

Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.
James 5:11

So we have a friend he is almost 90 he had a stroke about 5 years ago and it took away a lot of things for him. We just found out he is in the hospital. Gonna try and visit him tomorrow. He is a real sweet fella, and his wife said he has lost all motivation, so hoping we can chipper him up a little.
This week will be a busy week. Gotta finish up the work on the rent house. We have two days to do that, because Wednesday we are going to try and move AB's(adopted brother) stuff. So not looking forward too much to that day as I don't enjoy riding in cars for hours as much as I use to.
AB has been talking like he doesn't think he is going to live long. He has been looking at stroke statistics. So he has days of discouragement. Trying to keep him positive. I told him, all the statistically speaking things that should have produced death in myself, my DH, some of my family. But God had other plans and HE is in control. So to just live each day and not worry about tomorrow. No one knows their expiration date.
So we shall see what the future holds.


“For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.” 

1 John 3:20

Your welcome! Thank you Smeshque! 😁🌈

Shell- thank you for your words. They spoke to my heart. You are also one of the treasures here.
Thank you very much.

Smeshque

I have read your post and I believe that you are being a little hard on yourself. In my little opinion, I don't believe that you were/are being judgemental. You really didn't say anything mean or hurtful, but you spoke the truth...your truth! And Jesus wants us to speak the truth! He knows what is in your heart. That is what matters!

And yes, we are to love our enemies, which I have a hard time doing, but I am working on it--every day!! I am a work in progress as we all are and He knows that that is why He gave us the Bible He knows we forget--are flesh gets the better of us at times! This is I believe why we have churches not only to save souls but to help us when we fall short! Am I making any sense?

You are a sweet and loving soul and if I can see that over the internet then don"t you think our mighty Lord over everything can see that?

His grace is never endless because He knows we make mistakes.


"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." Psalms 51:10 ESV

See He knows!! He never gets tired of reminding us! And He has no problem giving us another chance to do the right thing next time.

God bless you!🙏
Hugs!!

Send- Jesus said love your enemies, bless those who curse you. And I failed to do that. So I felt really bad that I just did not remain silent, when I was being hated on
I want my enemies to know Jesus loves them. And whatever is going on in their life, that is making them so bitter and hateful, Jesus can remove and heal them.
Instead of saying that I let it get to me in a moment of weakness and I don't want to be that way. I love everyone, enemies and all. I only offer opinions and personal experience, but sometimes it is taken that I am placing judgement, which is false. It is not my place to judge.
Thank you Send, you are one of the special ones here, that are a treasure.
🌼💮🌸🌼💮🌸🌼💮🌸🌼

Smeshque,
There is therefore, no condemnation, for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Where did your apology come from? Where is this self-critical thought, because I never read anything you have written that is unbecoming.

First, I would like to apologize to everyone, if I have ever written anything that was not becoming of a woman trying to profess godliness. I am human and sometimes I fail, but I do apologize with a sincere heart.

I am beginning another part to my caregiving journey. In the beginning of my journey, I had Dad and Mom. Sadly lost Dad in 2016. Been just Mom until now. I had begun to handle this part of the journey with Mom in a good way. NOT EASY, but with love and patience. Thank the Lord, For his tender mercies.
And now we have an addition of my adopted brother who just had a second stroke. He was planning on moving here in October but because of this incident he is here now. He is staying in the rental on the property. We had been taking our time on completing the cosmetic work on the house because we thought we had time. So now we are in a rush mode to get the house finished, while he is "camping out" in one of the bedrooms while we do the work. We still have to go get his belongings, about a 4 hour round trip. He is a sweet man and we love him dearly. He has been good for Mom too because he is limited in what he can do, so he sits and talks with her, this allows me to accomplish things I need to. A blessing.
I am seeking prayer in that I will be able to handle this load. DH is helping greatly now.
And another blessing DH changed his mind about going to the wedding. Although a date night would have been great, our plate is so full and we are so tired, it was just a burden.

But I know that the Lord will get us through this section of road.

Unto thee, O my strength, will I sing: for God is my defence, and the God of my mercy
Psalms 59:17

I'm fairly confident that neither St. Paul, nor any of the other scripture authors ever had to be a caregiver for an elderly loved-one who no longer recognized their own children... taking care of yourself in the short-term is the best thing you can do for your loved, in the long run.

I giggle at the thought of God looking down at us and thinking the same thing:)

Shell- I think a lot of Moms have this thought. And remember she hasn't yet...... :)

Thanks Gershun and Frazzled, I thought it was cute.
I giggled at the thought of God looking down and saying that, but so true, so true

Smeshque,

I just love that poem. I think my mother found it and thought here are the new rules to live by...just kidding...she hasn't colored on the walls yet!😁

Sweet poem Smeshque!

Smeshque, I love that poem, so funny and true at the same time! I was thinking as I read it, I wonder if God looks down from heaven at us and says, "They're so sweet when they're sleeping."

When I'm an Old Lady
   
When I'm an old lady,
I'll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness...
just as they did.
I want to pay back
all the joy they've provided,
Returning each deed.
Oh, they'll be so excited!
I'll write on the wall
with reds, whites and blues,
And bounce on the furniture
wearing my shoes.
I'll drink from the carton
and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets
and oh, how they'll shout!
When they're on the phone
and just out of reach,
I'll get into things
like sugar and bleach,
Oh, they'll snap their fingers
and then shake their head,
And when that is done
I'll hide under the bed!
When they cook dinner
and call me to eat,
I'll not eat my green beans
or salad or meat.
I'll gag on my okra,
spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry
I'll run... if I'm able!
I'll sit close to the TV,
through the channels I'll click,
I'll cross both my eyes
just to see if they stick.
I'll take off my socks
and throw one away,
And play in the mud
'til the end of the day!
And later in bed,
I'll lay back and sigh,
I'll thank God in prayer
and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down
with a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan,
"She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"


In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God
.Psalms 62:7

Thank you Frazzled for the reassurance. I am kinda excited about an evening out with DH. Now that I don't love my Mom, I do so very much. But, DH and I have not had an outing alone in over 5 years. So it is about due. It feels kinda selfish to me, but that is just my own struggle.. But I feel it will be ok and everyone will have a good time.
If I have learned anything from you all it is that we must refresh ourselves from time to time.

Thank you again, I feel encouraged.

That sounds like a great idea, Smeshque! You and your hubby deserve a date night. I know the stress of everything gets overwhelming. Maybe you and DH could go do something fun just the two of you after the wedding is over. Sounds like your mom would have fun too, with you getting her hair done, and then the fun day with a friend.

I think I have my problem solved. So on the wedding day, I will take Mom and we will get our hair done and have lunch and shop, and then I was thinking to have this lady who my Mom really likes she is in the friend category, well I would have her pick Mom up and take her to dinner and then either a play or symphony if one is going on that day. Or I would have her bring Mom back to the house and bake with her, something Mom enjoys that we can donate to the food bank as we often do. Then DH and I can go to wedding knowing Mom is in good hands and have a sort of datish evening which we have not had in YEARS!

I don't know just mulling ideas around trying to make everyone happy.

“Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain.” 
1 Corinthians 9:24

Yes within healthy boundaries and should not be used by parents to enslave their children.

Honoring our elders is not just a good idea,
it is God’s command.

He refines us as silver is refined,
in a furnace of affliction, but will bring us out to rich fulfillment.
ps 66 (mix)

“This is pure and undefiled worship:
to visit the widows and orphans in their time of need”
st james 27

keep doing that,
your chin up...knees loose!

Advice or suggestions please.
This is one reason I often think it would be easier to take Mom and move somewhere else just she and I where I could just attend to her and not worry about anyone else. Sometimes it is so hard to be concerned about Mom and Dh. Sorry I just sometimes feel so stressed being in the middle.
So here is the deal. In a couple months is DH nieces wedding. Now mind you, he and his family do not interact unless someone needs something. Rarely if ever get together unless it is in a hospital or at a funeral. They are not close and never have been. For 13 years I have tried to get him to build a relationship with his family and he just never seemed interested. Plus I was trying to build a relationship with them being new to the family and all. Moving on.
The wedding date falls on my Dads birthday. This is a hard day for my Mom every year since his passing. Which makes it a hard day for me.
Mom does not want to go to the wedding for obvious reasons. I can imagine her sitting there sad on her Dead husbands birthday at a wedding thinking about when she and dad got married and the life she lost with him.
So DH for some reason wants to go. Mom does not. I am indifferent. DH says he will not go if we all don't go, because it is out of town.
I explained my reasons about Mom hoping he would understand. Yet he says well, I want to go, but if you don't I won't. I said yea ok then you can resent me for you not going.
He said ok we just wont go.
So now I feel stuck in the middle, feeling bad if I go, feeling bad if I don't go. We cannot leave Mom alone as we go out of town. She doesn't want to go, he does, AHHHHHHH!!!!

I thought, well maybe I can make it a special day for Mom go get our hair done, new outfits, lunch etc.
But That will not void her feelings which hurt my heart.
Two months is a long time away to try and predict the day. Mom has good days and not so good.
These things are never important to DH, so I don't know.........
Its just I need to RSVP and I don't know.
Any idea what this tired and stressed out girl should do?
Is there such thing as stress tooth aches?
Anyway thank you for letting me ramble.

“To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.” 
Jude 1:25

“With God, you are stronger than your struggles and more fierce than your fears. God provides comfort and strength to those who trust in Him. Be encouraged, keep standing, and know that everything's going to be alright.” 
― Germany Kent



“But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.” 
Mark 11:26

Lately I have had an open prayer, BE STILL! In the 2 places where The Word tells us to be still, one in Ps. 46:10 I hear it 2 ways. "Be still!" Like my grandma used to fuss at me when I talked too much... shut your pie hole little missy. Don't say things in anger or too much. It also says be still, calm, quiet, breathe, and centered on HIM. In HIM you will find Your person. There is also Ex. 14:14 Just wait, this battle you are fighting with yourself isn't yours, sit back, let go and let HIM. Putting the 2 verses together. The Lord will fight for you. All you have to do is be still and know that I am the Lord your God. I'll pray for you, will you do the same please?

True Love

Love can always conquer
Whatever discord brings
and love can also cover
a multitude of things.

Don’t you underestimate
what love can ever do,
for love is God eternal
and His love can renew.

What is cold and lifeless,
now lost all hope and died,
for love can breathe new meaning
and give it back new life.

Please don’t give up on love
when it seems that all is lost,
for there is always hope
if we’re prepared to pay the cost.

For love is always worth it
no matter how much the price,
for love will be much stronger
when we trust in Jesus Christ.

So let God have full reign,
let Him live within your heart
then you will know true love,
for this He will impart.

God's love sets me free.
This is my victory song.
His grace is sufficient for me.
It is what keeps me strong.

For I'm no perfect man,
And on my own cannot prevail.
Sometimes doing the best I can,
Even will seem to no avail.

Had my share of heartaches,
Sometimes wondering to what end.
Made my share of mistakes.
Over this, I can't pretend.

The struggles may increase,
But it's no cause for alarm.
God's thoughts to me are of peace,
To nurture and not to harm.

I forge on quite resolved.
God's at work in me for the best.
I am flawed but fiercely loved,
And He is not finished yet.

God's perfect plan for me,
I may not fully understand.
But trusting, obeying, I'm grateful to be,
Handled in His loving hand.



Abimbola T. Alabi

Frazzled- thank you for you words. I can't tell you how much they mean to me. I know you understand, and I appreciate your comfort and support, it is a blessing to me.
I hope all is well with you and yours.
Much love and prayers for you.
Thank you so much, you gave me medicine I was in need of.