Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

Amen, smeshque! Thank you ❤️

Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God;

2 Corinthians 3:5

NTDY
The man I talked about is also a pastor and I've had very helpful talks with him before. :)

Good explanation, smeshque

Yes, we have all been like Martha in our lives, haven’t we? To strive to be more like Mary is admirable.

NHWM- I think that obedience may at times require sacrifice of our own thoughts and desires.

Let me explain my thoughts if I can.
I am working on being more obedient. Which in turn requires sacrifice on my part. I am trying to be more like Mary than Martha. To sit at the feet of Jesus more. We often stand above HIM rather than sit at HIS feet.
We allow ourselves to get too busy to pray, to search and study the scriptures, to meditate on the word. We can just allow all the cares of the world, including being entertained, and doing what makes us feel good, that we totally can forget about Jesus. Martha was so concerned with this and that ( I am such a Martha), and Mary was concerned with what was most important, Jesus. I am trying to be a Mary, to sit at Jesus feet and not stand over HIM by putting myself and everyone else and everything else above HIM. So in order for me to sit at Jesus feet and to be obedient in loving HIM with all my heart, mind and soul, I will have to sacrifice what my flesh wants and do what my Spirit needs. And my Spirit Hungers for HIM. Yet I do not feed my Spirit as oft as I wish. I must sacrifice my routine to gain a new routine that involves giving HIM my firstfruits, not my leftovers.
Anyway this may not make sense. But these are the things I am working on and am praying on.

And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.
Mark 12:33

Porthcrawl,

That’s a start. It’s a good first step.

Hope that works, but sometimes to unplug those hot guilt buttons take a little more than a good friend who listens well.

Yoda and everyone,
Thank you. I am trying to think of someone I can talk to. Actually, there is a man at church whom I've talked with before who I know is willing to listen, but the problem is finding the time when he's available. When my life calms down from other things and I am more settled in my own life, other than mum business, I will talk to him about it

Oh yes, the manipulative use of Bible verses. There's an old thread here about that. With some relatives, you have to tell them that there are also healthy boundaries in marriage which they must respect. There's a book on that too.

I am reading "Boundaries" which takes a scriptural approach to relationships with others - he shows that putting others first is not always biblical or the right thing to do. Very useful read as my extended family uses Bible passages to try to manipulate me.

Yoda,

You’re right. We do have to look at the entire picture. Thanks.

I understand, but look at the context, the whole chapter, of that verse in I Samuel. King Saul had not fully obeyed God and was being rebuked through Samuel. That's different from Abraham's obedience and willingness to sacrifice. Hebrews 11:17 and 19 tell us a part of the story that Genesis does not.

Yoda,

Look at examples of people who clearly do both, obedient and willing to sacrifice. Abraham comes to my mind. Thoughts?

Don’t we sometimes have to be willing to sacrifice in order to be obedient?

I am not trying to be contrary in my attitude or be a pain in the butt with my questions, hahaha. I’m sure that I am at times.

I’m one of those obnoxious ‘deep thinkers.’

obedience is better than sacrifice I Samuel 15:22

Salvation = ans. to trivia question.

Port- I have yet to understand that feeling of guilt that we feel. I believe NHWM is right in that woman may feel it more than men. My DH does not understand why things make me feel guilty, and I have not the words to get him to understand.
But I totally understand that. That guilt feeling restricts us from doing things for ourselves, and well lot of things.
I am not sure yet how to overcome that. It could be a matter of ignoring we are not in charge of the happiness of others. The happiness of others is their choice. And they can find that in Jesus.
So maybe if we can get that through our heads, that it is not up to me to make happiness for this person. Maybe we will rid ourselves of this guilt.
If we are loving and caring to the best of our ability in Christ, then we have nothing to feel guilty about.
Easier said than done. I know all these things, i believe all these things, but my flesh gets in my way.
So let us pray about it and wait on the Lord to change it for us, and if HIS will is not to remove that from us, then let us trust that HE will see us through, and that HE is working it all out for our good.
This is a hard labor of love, and only with God's help can we do this as well as possible.
Keep looking up, HE has your answers.


Trivia answer for previous question:
And Pharaoh called Joseph's name Zaphnathpaaneah; and he gave him to wife Asenath the daughter of Potipherah priest of On. And Joseph went out over all the land of Egypt.
Genesis 41:45


Trivia: What is better than sacrifice?

At the feet of Jesus I will lay my burdens down
I will lay my heavy burdens down
In the stillness I can hear my Savior calling out
Come to me and lay your burdens down

So I will lay down my struggles
I will lay down my shame
All the fear I drag around through this life
like a ball and chain
(All my questions and confusion)
I will sing Hallelujah to the One who sets me free
And you will find me at the feet of Jesus

In the arms of Jesus I will find my peace and rest
I hear him calling come to me and rest

Carried by my shepherd cradled tightly to His chest
There and there alone my soul finds rest
So I will rest in the shelter of my Savior's embrace
Hidden safely in the refuge of His mercy and His Grace
And I Will Sing Hallelujah to the One who sets me free
And you will find me in the arms of Jesus

At the feet of my Savior
At the feet of my King
I will bow down and worship
I will lift my voice and sing
Hallelujah Hallelujah to the One who sets me free

Chris Tomlin
You will find me at the feet of Jesus

Port,

Obviously you care for your mom deeply. I admire that. You know deep in your heart that you don’t have any reason to feel guilty because you show love, care and concern for her. I have a feeling women struggle with issues more than men do. I totally appreciate my husband’s sensible logic. He grounds me.

I am glad to see that you recognize the importance of taking the time that you need to nourish yourself. A car doesn’t run on empty. We bring it to the service station to buy gas. So continue to feed your soul. It’s not just a desire of your heart but a true need so you can keep on keeping on. Hugs!

Please see a therapist about getting free from that false guilt. You have done nothing morally wrong.

Thanks for the suggestions and support! If it was a matter of consistency, it would be easier to handle. Last night I went to a meeting and returned home to find two messages, in one she called me a stinker. Even though it was 10:00 I took a chance and gave her a call. I said "Hello, this is the stinker." We had a good laugh and a good conversation. Too bad all conversations can't go like that. It's the ones that leave me with guilt and other bad feelings that are the worst, when she's not doing well and confused, or needing help which, for whatever reason, I can't give her.
I do turn the phone off--lots, until I feel guilty and call her, letting myself in for criticism as well as all the same gripes I've turned the phone off to avoid in the first place.

Porthcawl,

How about turn the phone off? Tell mom to call 911 if it is a real emergency and not telling or explaining everything to her? That's one way to have your own life.

Porthcawl,

That’s a common reaction among children. You’re not alone. Of course you are entitled to a life of your own. Enjoy your Friday evening out and catch up with mom later.

Hi,
I have the same problem. As an example, I had a Christian event on Friday night, and was positive that mum would call while I was out. sure enough, she did. I felt guilty for not being home, even though she only wanted to "chat". But I also felt that I'm not allowed to have a life, just in case she calls while I'm out and expects me to be home. It's annoying to have to explain everything I do (which isn't much that she'd be interested in, even at the best of times; she's more likely to criticise) or to provide excitement for her so that she can live vicariously through me.

"Cast your care on the Lord for he cares for you." is one verse. 1Peter 5:7 also the one about the ever lasting arms and he heals the broken hearted (Ps. 147:3) HTH

The angel of The Lord encampeth round about them that fear Him, and delivereth them.

O taste and see that The Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in Him.

Psalms 34:7 & 8 KJV

May that be my testimony all the days of my life.

Those biblical names smeshque, were really something, huh? There are beautiful traditional names in the Bible that are being used today. They are timeless and have beautiful meaning to people who honor someone with a special biblical name.

Names always amaze me. They tend to go in cycles. There are trends. People change the spelling to be different too. Some people name their children the most unusual names. Seems to be another trend and not just among celebrities.

His son, Joseph.

When I feel overwhelmed I remember:

The Lord is my strength and my song, and is become my salvation.
Psalms 118:14

Then I feel peaceful and hopeful. I pray that all who are struggling this day find comfort and joy in knowing that HE is our salvation. God bless and keep all of you.

DareDiffer- that is an excellent way to see things. That is what I try and practice too. Thank you for being a great example of love.


Trivia answer:
And he brought up Hadassah, that is, Esther, his uncle's daughter: for she had neither father nor mother, and the maid was fair and beautiful; whom Mordecai, when her father and mother were dead, took for his own daughter.Esther 2:7 

Any sacrifice we make is absolutely nothing compared to the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. So let us see it that way as nothing. Meaning let us not think it too hard to make sacrifices for our loved ones, which is also for Jesus.

Trivia: Who was Zaphnathpaaneah, in relation to Israel(Jacob)?

I just follow one moral code for me - do to others as I would like them to do for me if I were in their position. Sometimes it requires an adjustment of view since there are times they want something I wouldn’t - but knowing them, and if I were like them, I’d want the things they do. I also, whatever else needs doing try to make them laugh or smile as often as possible. It’s hard to give happiness and help if you aren’t happy. I shrug my shoulders and leave my problems at the door before I enter so I can focus on their needs. When possible I have short, free, nature boosts and thank God for carrying me when I’m weak. Watch a sunset/rise, dig the garden -good therapy if stressed! It’s not easy and I’m no saint but it helps.

Mordecai adopted his orphaned cousin, Hadassah. So essentially Mordecai was Hadassah's father.