Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.”
Proverbs 17:22

Expect you’ve had many answers which say the same as mine - but it is the one I try to follow
The "Golden Rule" of Leviticus 19:18 was quoted by Jesus of Nazareth (Matthew 7:12 , see also Luke 6:31) and described by him as the second great commandment. The common English phrasing is "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

So though I was tired and weary, yet my father through no fault of his own, re prostate cancer and dementia had wet the bed at 01.30. This despite pull ups and mattress protectors. I smiled and assured him it’s fine cleaned him up, put fresh pull ups and Pyjama’s on him, removed the sheets wiped the bed down and remake it. Then started washing at 2am - most nights .

I’d like someone to understand the embarrassment or frustration and confusion re lack of sleep of multiple needs to go per night and treat me with compassion - so that’s how I’ll treat others. I don’t expect the same treatment should I ever reach that point - but - at least will have dealt with others, as I’d like to be, if I were living their poor quality of life.

Makes it a a lot easier to deal with situations with a smile however tired if just think what would I like if our roles were reversed.

Smeshque: Thanks for the answer on venison.

I hope you have a good day.

This is hard for me to do. To follow the principle while still acknowledging my humanity. I don't need to prove how faithful I am to myself if I'm doing my best to apply the principles of mercy and love.

If I don't take care of myself long enough, then I am helpless in helping someone else, and am usually too low energy or cognitively jumbled to assist even if it is necessary.

Finding time to myself, in a peaceful environment(usually early hours of the morning) to write, read or exercise is something I've needed to do to function later on. If I lose that time, I feel like part of me disappears too quickly, and affects my entire day.

And the few people I talk to are my lifeline when times get tough, or I'm doing too much, and they help me out if I ask them to. They take my mind off the hard parts of my day, and they remind me of what I care about, instead of the worries that cycle in my head throughout a day. Talking about some of my worries has helped me acknowledge them to let them go.

GardenArtist- I am sorry my post was not clear. I did not make my own flour, only flour tortillas. However I have been studying up on the subject with the hopes to do it. It seems reasonably easy and when I get my new food processor I may attempt it with some wheat berries. DH's Grandmother use to make her own flour all by hand the good old fashioned way. I may do that one day, just do not have the time as of yet. But if I do make some I will definately fill you in on what I did.

LLama- DH does harvest our venison as well as some of our friends. The tribe here harvests venison for feasts and when they do they always bring us some as well. So we always have in on hand. Best meat for my family to eat. I grew up on it. Can't eat it now, but loved it then.

NHWM- Thank you for the kind words. Sometimes I get lazy and they may just get some tuna salad sandwiches. :)

It has been trying times here. I have not gotten much sleep in days. But I missed you all and had to stop by.
Long story short.
Cousins wife took kids and left him. Cousin turned to drinking and drugs. DH and I told him we have done all we can do for him. He cried out for help. DH told him get some mental health help. He is now in a hospital for evaluation, i am hoping they keep him a while, but I know for 3 days for sure.
DH told him when he gets out of there if he wants any more of our help he must prove he wants to change, no more lies and he must go to an extensive drug and rehabilitation clinic hopefully a 6 month one. We have been researching them. Mostly faith based ones.
If cousin does not do this there is nothing else we can do but wash our hands of him. We have tried helping him before and we are exhausted financially and emotionally.
So we shall see if he does this or not. The sad thing is, we are the only family left speaking to him, so he does not have any place to go, burned all the bridges and this bridge is on fire. He is not a bad person, just has had a bad life and makes bad choices. It is time for him to grow up and get help.
I do not know cousins future, or our part in his journey here on out. But we will do as the Lord guides us.
I sure am fighting these human emotions of being angry. But angry at who? I knew how they were, we were just hoping this time would stick.
We have had to clean out the house we rented them and I cannot tell you how upset I am about what they did to the house and what we found. And that they had the children living that way. And they were only there a short time?
But I had a potential renter and she has 2 children and is in nursing school and works part time. So we are hoping to pass on some blessings to her. Maybe all of this was just for her.
Much love to all my agingcare family. You all are always in my prayers.

“Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:”
1 Peter 5:6

Psalm 23:1 "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want."

I am with you on this. I see my family members off and running living their own lives, traveling, partying, etc. while I am here taking care of our mom. All the time. 24/7 and then some. My mom is still independent at home, but the disease is getting worse. I have one person in the family who is helping, but she flakes out too. My dear friend, all I can say is, search YOUR heart. Ask the Lord in heaven for guidance as that is what I do. I've turned it over. I pray a lot myself and find scripture as well. I hear to honor thy father and they mother, yet to rest. When I get too worn out and the anxiety gets high or the tightness in my chest, I know it's time to rest. I try to do things that relax me; cooking new recipes, going for a bible study class just for me and turn my phone off, head to the movies, turn my phone off and take a nap. Ask the Lord to fill you with patience, love, grace, his mercy and to help with your mom. Then just do your best. I do this daily and sometimes minute by minute. I ask the Lord to hold my hand and my mom's hand as we journey through this. I do not know if this helps you. I'm at the point, I wonder who I will be or what will I do when she's not here. Yet, I trust God has that plan. I know that in the end, I will have no regrets caring for my mom and they probably will, eventually and if they don't, there's nothing I can do. I'm trying to tell myself to take a break as well. I don't have the finances to up and go. To me a few days off would be nice to just get a few things done at home! Snuggle with my kitties, watch a good movie or two. Knit. I pray everything I said helps you somehow. May God bless you and may you feel his loving arms around you.

I’ve been in counseling for this for a year. Jesus took time to be with His father. He didn’t stop in every single town and heal everyone. It’s ok to recharge your battery and it’s not selfish to do so. In fact you will feel more like doing and giving after a period of refreshment.

You can only give so much of yourself because if you have nothing left of yourself, you have nothing to offer the ONE who has already approved of your sacrifices. All your good deeds have been noted way more than you could even imagine yourself. The simple fact that you are asking this indicates a strong sense of caring and respect for principles. I think you can give yourself some time to enjoy a hobby or maybe go to a spa even just a whole day just for you. Sometimes it can be hard to delegate assignments to others but try it. Then set aside maybe one day a month or every two months or whatever doesn’t make you feel you are isolating or pampering yourself too much, not that you don’t deserve it. Gradually you May notice what May feel like guilt now may begin to turn into gratitude for considering just how precious you are and have been this whole time. I hope this has been helpful.

"Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers righteousness on you."
(Hosea 10:12 NIV)

Smeshque,

Your meals always sound so yummy!

Smeshque: Does your DH harvest the venison?

Smesque, how do you make homemade flour?   I've thought about doing that for years, including growing the buckwheat or wheat from which I'd make flour.  My parents bought wheat in large quantities, then took it to a local mill to be ground.   I might do that, but the idea of grinding my own wheat is appealing.  

My understanding is that grinding the raw wheat can be explosive; apparently grain dust has that capacity.

What do you use, and how do you do it?   I'd love to know!

Today was spent in preparations for tomorrows feast. We are having Mexican and Indian(Native American( food.
We made tamales today and I have venison corn soup in the crockpot.
I made homemade flour and corn chips for dip.
I chose not to make any pies as I have been making pies all week for customers and I just did not feel like making pies. DH is fine with that, so it's all good.
Others may be disappointed, but hey they don't live here.
I am so thankful that I am on the mend and am almost back to normal.
Mom is having a rough time, as she does this time of year. But we are getting through it, thanks be to God.

I wish you all a happy day tomorrow.


For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
John 3:16
The other stuff will prepare tomorrow.

Everynight I pray with Mom before she goes to sleep. Last night she said one also, and she thanked the Lord that she was here with me, where she feels love and understanding.

Made me cry like a baby.

Merry Christmas everyone!!
Jesus came for you!

NWHM: Wow! That was a WONDERFUL, heartwarming story about you losing your money, your husband certain that it would NOT be in the "lost and found" and then an honest person having found your cash BUT also willing to go the extra mile and return it to the rightful owner - YOU - via the "lost and found." What a great story.

Insert - Yes, the number of autos involved jumped up to 69 total. It was 7:00 A.M.-ish, which attributed to the very horrific accident.

One time I lost a $20 bill after carelessly playing it in my unzipped purse! That was very dumb! Lesson learned.

Llama.

I have a very sweet memory from that trip. You know how Williamsburg has all the cute shops for us to spend our money in. Well, I foolishly put money in my pocket in case I wanted to buy something. I didn’t feel like lugging around my purse.

The wad of cash fell out of my pocket! I was bummed and boo hooed to my husband about it. He said, “Well, sorry you lost your money but lesson learned about placing money in your pocket and I doubt you will do that again.” I admitted that it was a dumb thing to do.

I said to him, “Well, let me just check at the ‘list and found.’ He thought I was ridiculous for thinking there was a ‘lost and found’ and told me that no one returns cash.

So stubborn me, I told him that I was going to inquire about it. Sure enough, Williamsburg does have a ‘lost and found.’ I went. My husband was following behind and was too embarrassed to walk up there with me. So, I told him that I would go alone to inquire. He said, “ Well, don’t be too disappointed when they think you are crazy asking for the cash that you lost.” I said, “Have a little faith because there are still honest people in this world.”

Happy ending! Not only did I recover my money but I received a lovely note from the person who stated where they found the money. It was summertime and tourist season was at it’s peak! Crowded streets but one honest soul took the time to return it. You should have seen my husband’s face when he saw me walk over to him with a huge smile and my money in my hand!

NHWM: Thank you. Watching 11 PM news, but I think the vehicle # increased. Two factors - ice on elevated roadway and fog. Wow, your daughter WAS young.💞

Llama,

Will do. I will remember everyone involved in my prayers. I was in Williamsburg many years ago. Fun trip! Oh gosh, my oldest daughter was only two years old then. The younger one wasn’t even born. It was a lovely family vacation.

There was a 63-vehicle pileup on Route 64 near Williamsburg, Virginia early this morning, Sunday, 12/22. My daughter and I drove on that road on 2 separate trips in July and October to see my niece and her cousin (same person). It was on an overpass covered with ice and also fog attributed to this horrific accident. We should pray for those 63 vehicles involved.

I'm SOOOO sorry your'e having such a rough time and the antibiotic and the pain medicine aren't agreeing with you.That's the worst feeling being nauseus.It's just awful.
Can you try to just force yourself to eat a saltine cracker or two before you take your medicine?You gotta coat your gut first.
That's so neat about your Mom singing so happily today to her new,old music she loves.What a sweet daughter you are to give her that and make her heart so happy.

Smeshque: Just a short post as DH and I are winding down for the night. Perhaps you can drink milk with the antibiotics to help with stomach upset? You probably should have something in your system before ingesting it. Sorry about cousin & his wife.

NHWM: Thank you. I got the rest of the ingredients and have completed the first step of the red beet soup, which was to cook the boneless pork roast. No, I won't have a large crowd as thank goodness - the gathering is NOT at my house. I do have to drive it a hour away one way so that will be a tiring day. I was able to find the rest of the ingredients locally so didn't have to go far, praise God. I only forgot the sour cream mix in. I have been worrying if I could still do this as it's been a while since I made this soup. DH's grandmom never called it Borscht. It really is. She was a unique woman. The first time we had the soup was SO FUNNY. It was at her house and everyone asked "Where is the soup?" Then her granddaughter said "It's in the crisper drawer." Wha??? Yup - that's where it was and not even in a plastic container!

LL- Thank you. :) I hope your beet soup comes out great. I will have to make that one day as Mom loves beets. (unless she only likes pickled beets, have to check)

Isthisreal and NHWM- that is one of our favorite verses as well. Working on something with that to go on our front porch as well.
On our living room wall I did 1 Chronicles 28:20, I painted it in calligraphy. It was a special verse for DH and I as we were coming to the decision to surrender our lives to Jesus.
Dad read it everyday when he was here. I will always keep it. I know that David was talking about the physical house of God, but we apply it to the church and the work of the Lord.

So cousin and his wife both lost their jobs. I am praying for them.
DH and I are at peace with letting them figure it out.

I have had a rough day of it managing pain.
The Dr had given me antibiotics and pain medication to take and normally I do not take prescribed drugs. They are making me super nauseous and super tired.
The antibiotic makes me nauseous and I cannot eat much with the pain, so it goes. I only take 1/4 of the pain med even though the prescription says 1-2. I can't even imagine what state I would be in if I took the prescribed dose. I can barely handle the 1/4 and in the day I take 1/8 depending on what I need to do.
But I am hopeful I will be back to normal in a few days.

Mom loves the Statler Brothers. So I ordered her one of their gospel cds. I was pretty useless today and I am so blessed it came today. Because I put it on for her and it was lovely. She was just singing away so joyfully. The Statler Brothers has always been a favorite in her life during hard times. This time of year is especially hard for her so I am glad to see her so happy. I even had to put it on repeat in her room so she could just listen to it all night, per her request. I will have to get her more of them.

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
John 15:13

Llama,

Enjoy your beet soup! You will have a big crowd. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Isthisreallyreal,

Small world! I have that scripture framed in my foyer.

We like my daughter’s current boyfriend. Her old boyfriend was not respectful of her. Speaking of scripture, she ordered from Etsy, Cor. 13 and has it hanging in her living room. Paul was a beautiful writer.

I think that scripture speaks to her personally because her ex boyfriend treated her so shabbily. She said she wasn’t going to date anyone that didn’t have the qualities of that scripture. She has someone who is patient and kind like that scripture describes. I am happy for her. She kissed a couple of frogs before her prince!

You are right about my daughter asking for prayer. I think when I said that to her I thought she was taking a shortcut and asking me to pray and she wasn’t praying.

She corrected me instantly and told me that she always prays. I knew she did because we prayed as a family but you know how kids are when they go off to college. A lot of times they push prayers aside.

I guess I shouldn’t have told her that but it was one of those times I said something quickly without giving it a lot of thought and in my way reminding her that it is important to pray.

As parents sometimes we do see situations later where we could have handled a situation better. We try to do our best but make a few goofs!

Smeshque our front door knocker is that scripture from Joshua. As for me and my house we will serve The Lord. I love that saying.

No wondering if believers live here.

Need, scripture says that where 2 or 3 are gathered together in HIS name there HE will be also. So having people pray with us is the best way because it is promised that HE will be there. Being of 1 mind on a subject is being gathered together. Smart young lady.

Need: I understand. I must get off the computer in order to grocery shop and then cook the red beet soup for 35 plus of us for Christmas eve. I just can't do it all even though I'd like to. At least I bought some of the non perishable ingredients on Wednesday.