smeshque Posted January 2018
Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?
Follow
Share
Read More Close
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
1K Comments
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- 6 yrs ago I moved my mother in with me hoping to "help" her have a more happy and active life. How do I disentangle myself from all this?
- How do you know when you cannot take care of someone any longer?
- How do you handle taking care of your mom in your home and your sister doesn’t help?
- I found something that worked...
Start a Discussion
https://www.fool.com/investing/2020/04/22/will-johnson-johnsons-coronavirus-vaccine-dominate.aspx
It’s about a week old and the site that published it is an investment site. Leave it to the folks wanting to make money to get the most in-depth info, right?
Anyhoo - sorry for going off
topic but next to prayer, I’ve found this to be the most comforting - good information regarding a stop to this horrible virus.
I hope others can find a little piece of comfort in this as well.
I liken this to when a stewardess on a plane is instructing passengers for an emergency- they always tell you if the plane is going down put your mask on first so that you can care for your baby/child after, because if you are unconscious as the plane is going down - you aren't helping anyone ( including you!)
I think the idea of turning the other cheek has more to do with fighting over worldly things & ones own faith in God rather then sacrificing your own happiness. For example- turning the other cheek is like saying - here- if you need to be angry - hit me - I dont need to be angry with you or what you think about me I have god on my side and his opinion of me is all that matters to me. So do whatever U need to do. If one were to do this the other person would likely feel guilt, or shame for being so mean ( that's likely the whole idea). But it also requires some heavy faith to do it ( letting go of our own egos).
Giving away your coat or possessions is similar- like saying -you want my coat? Take it- take whatever you want all I need is God. I am already RICH. For me its surrendering to Gods spiritual existence which has nothing at all to do with these things people often fight over in the physical world. Our needs are spiritual so for me putting others first - means spiritually. Spiritually means giving to them EMOTIONALLY- via love - usually by listening or understanding, or accepting them ect... all invisible qualities- time may indeed be one of these qualities but you are also responsible for yourself and your own care - part of that is your own time with God alone.
I do not see that caring for ones own needs first in any way is wrong. Jesus put God first. We all need to put God first because it is in our best interest to do so, but also because we understand his love for us and this is a wonderful thing which makes us love him in turn. I believe real Love is always a mutual thing - no one is really getting a better deal in other words
I will be back tomorrow to write more.
Am I still welcome here?
I miss you all.
Hope everyone is well.
“But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.”
Psalms 37:11
Good to hear from you.
So I resigned from my job. It was not working out for many reasons and I believe I am following the Lord's lead. I have been praying about it so much.
As soon as I get Ab ok, I will be able to come and talk with you all again.
Love and Prayers to you all
Pray oft, Stay safe, know your loved and I will "see" you soon.
“But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.”
Psalms 3:3
Mom also has a check up tomorrow.
They will not allow me to go in with either of them as normal due to COVID stuff. Unfortunate for all since I am their ears and eyes. We shall see how this goes.
I got to work in the greenhouse the first time in many months and it felt so right and natural.
DH is so happy I am no longer working away from home. I am not sure if it is because I am good cheap labor around here, or if he missed me. :) He says he missed me and felt like a part of him was gone. He has been really happy. I will miss the flowers and notes. He would bring me flowers to work and give me little notes. It was the sweetest thing. I am pretty sure that is over now that I am back on the Farm.
He did really well with Mom and AB in my absence. I could tell it was wearing him down though so I am glad to be back in my old routine, or well trying to get back in that routine. I have felt a little lost and slightly depressed since leaving my job, but I know the Lord will see me through.
I have missed my AC family and I am trying to catch up on whats been going on.
I will be back more often.
“Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”
Psalms 37:5
Can you get dressed in PPE and get in to the appointments maybe?
It is not okay that they are not accommodating the eyes and ears of the patient.
May God grant everyone strength and wisdom during this difficult time.
Lord have mercy on all.
Well AB is doing LOTS better. He can finally see the sunshine after his surgery. Healing well and starting to get more range of motion with his shoulder.
Mom is well and keeping busy. The beginning of the month was rough as we had several deaths of family or people we knew (not COVID), and it was also Mom and Dads anniversary month. But Mom is coming back to herself, slowly. But that woman is super tough.
I have been doing a lot of inward reflection. It has been tough getting back to things, as my work I realize was a little respite from my life. However, I love my life that I have been blessed with and just want to do it to the best of my ability in accordance with the will of God.
I heard a lesson today that really socked it to me. And then I told the Lord, "I hear you, Lord. The lesson was over living simply and seeking first the kingdom of God, and not worrying about tomorrow. You know Mostly Matthew 6.
I have been struggling with those things since I quit my job. But it was the right thing to do. Only my human was/is hurting because I gave up something the world would consider very good. And think I was crazy to give it up. However, my treasures are laid up. Or I should say I am laying them up.
Anyway, I have been fighting the old devil as he tries to keep me heading to a depressing state of mind. But, with the Lord I will get through it. I just feel a little out of place right now and don't seem to fit in at home or anywhere at this time. But, I will use these feelings to draw closer to God and see how he grows me from all of it.
I will keep my eyes on Jesus and I pray you all do as well.
"Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God."
Hebrews 12:2
Much love and prayers for all of you.
There are many false prophets out there
Believe word of God and kno
THE TRUTH
THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE
Elevation Worship
I searched the world
But it couldn't fill me
Man's empty praise and treasures that fade
Are never enough
Then You came along
And put me back together
And every desire is now satisfied
Here in Your love
Oh, there's nothing better than You
There's nothing better than You
Lord, there's nothing
Nothing is better than You
I'm not afraid
To show You my weakness
My failures and flaws, Lord, You've seen them all
And You still call me friend
'Cause the God of the mountain
Is the God of the valley
There's not a place Your mercy and grace
Won't find me again
Oh, there's nothing better than You
There's nothing better than You
Lord, there's nothing
Nothing is better than You
Oh, there's nothing better than You
Oh, there's nothing better than You
Lord, there's nothing
Nothing is better than You
You turn mourning to dancing
You give beauty for ashes
You turn shame into glory
You're the only one who can
You turn mourning to dancing
You give beauty for ashes
You turn shame into glory
You're the only one who can
You turn graves into garden
You turn bones into armies
You turn seas into highways
You're the only one who can
You're the only one who can
Oh, there's nothing better than You
Oh, there's nothing better than You
Lord, there's nothing
Nothing is better than You
Oh, there's nothing better than You
Oh, there's nothing better than You
Lord, there's nothing
Nothing is better than You
“As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.”
John 15:9
Smiles seem hard to come by.
But the Lord is my strength and refuge.
And they are inside your head
You got a voice that says
You won't get past this one
You won't win your freedom
It's like a constant war
And you want to settle that score
But you're bruised and beaten
And you feel defeated
Oh, game set match
It's time to put it in your past, oh
Feel the winter leavin'
It's redemption season
Long live the young at heart
Cheers to a brand new start
We're revived and breathing
To live a life of freedom
And life is a race we run
So run till the race is won
Don't you ever give up (here we are)
Oh no never give up (here we are)
Life is a race we run
So run till the race is won
Don't you ever give up
We will never give up
This goes out to the heaviest heart
Oh, to everyone who's hit their limit
It's not over yet
It's not over yet
And even when you think you're finished
It's not over yet
It's not over yet
Keep on fighting
Out of the dark
Into the light
It's not over
Hope is rising
Never give in
Never give up
It's not over
Honor does not mean being their slave and object of abuse anymore than denying yourself and taking up your cross means denying the very self God created you as.
I pray that you and your counselor will make a good team in helping you move forward. I'm sorry if your mother is using Christianity as a wip with her as the slave master. That's the mentality of the Southern masters toward their slaves and many of them considered themselves Christians.
I don't think God wants or expects us to let people walk all over us. He wants us to help others and put others first by treating others with kindness and respect but if those people spit on us and treat us badly I don't think he expects us to keep coming back for more.
Amen sister! Jesus did not die for us, so other people can use and abuse us. He died for our sins and for us to have life...abundant life!
Helen,
I am so very sorry that you have to go through this and that your mother doesn't see what a blessing you are. Remember God is with you and HE is able and willing to help you-just ask Him for help. Perhaps He is using this situation for you to grow or to have this experience to help others. Whatever it is, God will make it up to you.
Just pray for your mother and for your faith to get strong.
You will be in my prayers and thoughts.
Hugs!!!
Scripture says to treat others how you want others to treat you, not to treat others how they treat you. It also doesn't say to do good to others as long as they do good to you.
Those things are so difficult. The problem we have is that we have not walked in another's shoes to know why they act or treat us badly. If we could do that and have an understanding of the why, it makes it so much easier to do the above. However, because we cannot always know the reason why someone is the way they are, we must choose just to love.
This is the challenge to love in all circumstances.
Not saying to be abused. I am only saying love. Sometimes we must love from a distance. But when love becomes hate the problem is within us. That we are allowing others to control our emotions. Instead we gotta let Jesus control our emotions. Because our emotions can be false and misleading and cause us to not be who we should be.
IMO
AB has been doing PT 3 times a week. He seems to be doing better. Mom is doing well.
I hope you all are well. I still haven't gotten my schedule situated so that I can be here more often. DH and I are working on a kitchen remodel for some lady. Its her summer house.
Much love and prayers
“He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.”
Psalms 91:4
It brings love to the fore front of all else. How can you hate anyone when you are pleading mercy for them.
God bless and keep you!
I am glad to hear that your charges are doing well.
We lost a beloved brother in Christ this last week, and had his funeral Friday. I have spoke of him on here before. Caring for his wife with ALZ. He was a Dear Man, who will be missed. But he is no longer grieving his wife, he is no longer saddened by being trapped in a facility, he is no longer feeling useless. He is at Rest. Awaiting the resurrection. And I have the hope to see him again.
AB is still doing PT 3 times a week. That has been a challenge arranging the schedule to accomodate getting him there.
Mom is doing well. We have lost 2 Brothers and 2 Sisters in Christ this year. Kinda takes a toll on her. But the Lord is her strength and she marches on.
I hope you all are doing well. Keep pressing on.
Everytime I intend to take some time to come here, something happens that needs tending to.
Much love and prayers
"And I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, Write, Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labours; and their works do follow them."
Revelation 14:13
May The Lord give you strength to deal with all you are handling.
It is always good to hear from you, you are always in my prayers.
On a happier note, how is your new poochie doing? Growing up any? I know that they bring so much joy and laughter to our daily lives.
Great big warm hug!
When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow they: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned, and neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. Isiah 43:2 KJV
It sounds like doing 24/7 care of your grandmother has made you chronically ill. What are her medical needs? I ask because if she needs that much care, then she needs 3 people working 8 hour shifts to take care of her like in a nursing home. Plus, you are the age when you need to be in college to build your own future which is not selfish. It is the normal path of life. Does your grandmother have other children other than your mother? Otherwise, I hear a path of becoming disabled, dirt poor, and homeless. You don't want that. Is your mother and/or your grandmother using the Bible to keep you in place. If so, that's not using the Bible correctly.
Praying for you.
When I first came to this site, I was so disheartened and weary. And depressed.
I began to look at it like this. Doing for my loved ones is doing for Jesus. And I would repeat to myself, don't grow weary in well doing.
Even though I know the scriptures, and i trust in Jesus.
This is difficult.
Most importantly, do not lose your relationship with him.
Pray about it and trust him to lead you where he wants you. If you feel that he is leading you to stay and help your Mom, then make sure to ask him, for strength, courage, wisdom, mercy, patience, gentleness and to love beyond yourself, all those things we need to set aside our lives for another.
But if you feel he is saying for you to go to college now and begin pursuing your path he will set you on, then do that.
Ask, Seek and Find.
But friend, do not give up hope.
This site has a lot of helpful and loving people. It will help you to know their stories. Because always know that it could be worse.
I will definitely pray for you.
Matthew 7:7-8
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Hello ! Thank you so very much for your concern :) . My mother and grandmother doesn’t hold me back from doing anything I don’t want to. My mom helps me a lot but she also is getting up in age and none of my family is very supportive. My little sister and dad also help but I have took on most of the work because there are times when my dad and sister does not want to help. I’ve been trying for almost 2 years to apply for a job but have not yet accepted by any.. As far as my chronic illness I’m still learning more about it because it’s quite rare. Long story short it causes me to have constant head pressure and back pain and loss of eye sight. It hold me back from doing a lot of things I really want to do.. I’m sorry if it seemed like I was complaining >.<
As of now I don’t know really what to do. I have no direction but to trust in Jesus. College was an option 3 years ago but not anymore. I decided to take a different path. I really wish that my other family members would help us though.. to take the weight off of my mother and us but they don’t. So we trust in Jesus for strength
Thank you so much for your prayers <3
Yes, I do care. Thank you for responding. The symptoms of your chronic illness sound bad. I hope you are under constant medical care.
What are your grandmother's medical needs? Would she qualify for medicaid to go to a nursing home?
What ages are your mother and grandmother? I would assume that with you being 20 that she is in her 40's and her mother is in her 60's. I ask all these questions because if this is the case your grandmother could live another 30 years which would make you 50 and your mother 70.
What about your own life? 20 is not too old to go back to college. To tell the truth, it is hard in today's world to get a job with just a high school diploma. Our education system has declined to the point that a college degree is about what high school once was. Where do you want your life to be in 30 years? How old is your sister and why is she expected to do what you are doing? I'm not sure that adult protective services would be happy with all of this.
I think there needs to be a called family meeting in which you lay out the reality of this situation; that ya'll can't maintain this level of care; your health is not good and need to build your own life and in one month ya'll are going to quit. If they understand that you are serious, then they will do something. Their not doing anything because ya'll are doing it by yourselves.
My grandmother is bedridden due to her left side being paralyzed by a stroke. She’s on Medicare and they really can’t do much for her. We struggle sometimes with money because we are a house of 7 and the house we live in is old and falling apart, so we usually use it to repair somethings and bills. We can’t afford a healthcare aide because of this.
My family doesn’t care about my grandmother. They don’t like us and has called social services on us twice because they don’t want us to take care of my grandmother. Before we moved here my aunt was watching my grandfather and my grandmother. She stole from her and really didn’t take care of her so this is why my mom took over.
I really don’t know what to do at this point. I just don’t want to leave my mom to do this by herself. One of my personal dreams is to move somewhere with Beautiful scenery and have a family. Right not though, i just don’t know. So I’m trying my best to trust in God with what I should do. I’m just waiting to see what he does next