Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

Wow, I have missed a lot. So glad to see you all communicating about this.
I am going to a funeral tomorrow. This was a lady who was a devout Christian, and ended up with Alzheimers after being in a bad car wreck. This woman was never the same, but she knew she wanted to go to church, and she would recall at random times things about Jesus Christ. But, her mind being as it was she also suffered severely from sundowners and her personality would change for the negative. Not her fault one bit. And God knows that, and I do not believe she will be punished for the things she did being out of her right mind. God knows the thoughts and intent of the heart, I have no doubt this woman will be in Heaven. And her DH although grief stricken, is comforted by his faith and knows the same, that her suffering is over.
God does not expect more than we are able.
I do agree as it says in Romans 10:9-11, John 3:15-17, and so on, that Faith in Christ is how we obtain salvation. It is not of works lest any man should boast.
However, faith is an action word and as we read in the book of James, we must put our faith into action. Because an inactive faith is a dead faith.
Wally,
If your Mom was a believer, she is still a believer. God knows and I believe she will be judged on her life pre-illness, not after. She cannot help what it is now. I still want to encourage you to try and take her to church and read scripture to her, or whatever you can just to keep her spirit fed even if her mind is not receiving it, her heart is.
May God bless you all!! Always seek the truth.
As LL said, Jesus is the way the truth and the Light.

And No man cometh to the Father but through Jesus.

Wally, if your mother accepted Jesus as her saviour and it sounds like she did when she was of lucid mind, then she will be Heaven bound when the time comes.
By the way, there is a time limit on editing or deleting on this forum.

Let me say this. Good deeds do not get you to Heaven. If you accept Jesus as your saviour, you will have salvation for Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

Gershun: We worry because we are mortal beings. But anyone who comes to Jesus and believes that HE can take away the sins of the world, shall have salvation, if only they come to HIM. So yes, you are very much correct.

I'd like to share my experiences on this topic. My Mom was a devout Christian all her life. She used to go to the Sunday morning and Evening services, taught Sunday school and went to bible study every Wednesday evening.

When she could no longer drive in her mid 80's she stopped going to church but watched church programs on t.v.

When her dementia started I noticed she didn't bring up God in our conversations much anymore. In fact, I would try to get her to open up about it but she never would. When her mind really started to fail her and we had no choice but to transition her to an Aging care facility I deliberately put her Bible and her Daily Bread devotion book right on her bed side table. I could tell when I came to visit her that they hadn't been touched.

So fast forward to the week before she went unconscious and spent a week in the hospital before her death. My very last visit with her in the nursing home I had brought her a new Daily devotion book and I turned it to a comforting story that I thought might help her. Just before I left that day I said to her "Read that!"
My last conversation with her on the phone before she became unconscious and I never got to speak with her again she said "Incidentally, was it you who brought me the Bible and devotion book?" I said yes. She said "thank-you" It was right after that, a week later she died.

I truly believe that whatever she read in that book helped her in some way to come to terms with dying and brought her some comforting closure. I know this inside of me. I can't explain how I know, I just do.

Do I believe that every Christian just happily sails into death without a worry? No I don't. But I think if you feel in your heart that you are right with God, your maker, whatever you want to refer to it as, you will have peace in your heart when you die.

I vowed to stay away from this thread but cmag's comment got stuck in my mind. I imagine true believers of any religion are more at peace with death, not just Christians, and there are certainly those Christians who have been taught to fear hellfire and damnation and greatly fear death because they convict themselves and feel unworthy. And then, unfortunately, there are the poor people like wally's mom who have totally lost their former religious conviction due to brain injury and dementia. And perhaps many of those "Christian in name only" are just seekers who tried earnestly to find their way to god but never were able to overcome their doubts.

It matters what you believe, Wally.

I agree, God does not blame her.
Hope that I did not offend.
It is so hard to know what to say to anybody on a public forum.

no it wouldn't help to give my mom a bible or a cross. but that's ok. I know you are trying to help! !

its just that I know my mom would care about religion if she could. if I gave her something religious to help she would say thank you. and then stick it in a drawer some place. she just doesn't know. and I know god doesn't blame her.

grrr I tried for 5 min to hit the edit button and would not work. grrr
I wanted to add. and now I cant even remember what I wanted to add LOL

Cmagnum,
It does not necessarily follow to live better, is to die better does it?
A very interesting conversation you have brought up.
Is it covered under: "The rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous?"

I want to go out singing His praises. I should learn to sing, therefore.

Wally,
Can you give Mom a cross to hold?
Whoever God is to her, He will remember her.

Thank you for your post. I have wondered about Christians having dementia or Alzheimers, and they get mean to their family. Their brain is broken. We talk about our christian witness, and the patient's witness is toast.

I no longer attend church, and no one is ever going to be saved because of my life today as a witness. But I can still pray.

if only my mom could remember she was religious. she doesn't respond to any religious comforting comments I make. it just doesn't resonate with her. edit, she seems more interested in wanting to get out and go shopping. and that's ok. I understand shes changed, its not her fault.
meh, wish I could delete my post.

I am glad to see this thread is still active.

I'd like to know if others have seen what I have seen from my several times of being in the ER or other situations in which someone was about to die.

Not everyone dies the same. I've noticed that Christians die better or more at peace than unbelievers or those who were Christian in name only.

Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

Smeshque: Do you mean your arm or the arm of God, I suppose?

Smeshque: Thank you.

Hang in there LL you have a strong arm around you and everything will be ok.

Dearest Smeshque: I am so very sorry for your loss. How terrible that the car accident may have then caused the much later Alzheimer's. To lose one's mind, I think is terrible, barring ALS, which is also just a horrible way to go. I got so far behind because I was trying to help my other SIL, Sue to advocate that Cathy and her husband get DPOA in place right away. Sue was saying why? Why do they need to do that since he is the spouse? I backed my statement up by finding a document written by a lawyer that clearly stated the reasons behind Durable Power of Attorney. You see, Cathy never spoke up, even though she did have a precursor driving into oncoming traffic on a one way HIGHWAY WITH TWO OF HER GRANDCHILDREN IN THE BACK SEAT. She's lucky that she didn't kill all of the 3 of them then. Thank you for your prayers for her. We appreciate them 100 fold!

DDDuck: You're so very welcome. When I located that poem (not my work), I thought it so befitting of the caregiver! Glad you are back on and hope that you had a safe travel to Korea. How wonderful to be able to see your son!

“Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, serving as overseers—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.” —1 Peter 5:2–4

LL- that is what happened to the lady I have been writing about. She was in a terrible car wreck years ago, and her mind just declined more and more, and then had Alz.
She went into rest this morning. Her suffering is over. It is Bittersweet, as her DH will be grieving for a long time. But, also, I believe he might have some relief, to know she is no longer hurting and that he had taken care of her until the end, and he doesn't have to worry about her if he were to go.
I am sorry about Cathy. Will keep her in my prayers.


And I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, Write, Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labours; and their works do follow them.
Revelation 14:13

Smeshque: I am so sorry for your pre-grieving for your friend. I have had sadness for my husband's sister as she was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's at 66. I have been working for the husband to get DPOA as they did not know. 4 yrs ago this lady, Cathy erred badly when she entered a one way HIGHWAY with her 2 grandkids in her car.

DD- what a blessing it was to see your post. I am so glad you have been feeding your spirit with God's word.
I will definitely be praying for your cousin.
I hope you had a lovely visit with your son. I am sure the Lord delights in your mornings with HIM.


LL- Thank you for your concern, and prayers. Visited the lady and her husband and daughter this day, in between services.
I am not grieved by her passing as I know she will be leaving this world for something better. Something glorious and that I long for one day. But, her husband he said, "i use to say I hoped she went first(because she had Alzheimer's and he took care of her and was concerned at what would become of her if he was gone),But, now I'm not so sure."
Oh he is so heart broken, even though he knows she is going home, and he tells her that too, that she is going home. So, his grief is what I feel. But, Oh how I pray for him and his daughter.
This has been so hard on my Mom as well, and that makes me sad. But the Lord has got them all covered.

Greetings, All!!!

I have been off line for quite a while and recently started posting again. Mainly because I was tied up dealing with so many things and anxiety as well as preparing for a trip to see my son in Korea.

I have not caught up but just reading the poem on caregiving was uplifting and so real. I don't think its a coincidence that I happen to read news feed and a post from this thread caught my attention.

Moringings I say a few words to God. I thank him for things and then express my heart. I somehow left my new testament on plane. I visited my son's office and he happened to have two of the same bibles and gave me one which I started reading. Its a leadership bible and I am learning how to use it.

So this am I wasn't really surprised when I ended up posting here.

My cousin who has had a few previous bougts with cancer now has ca in the lungs and stomach. Please pray for her.

I hope you are all in good spirit and health.

Rays of love peace and happiness to you all.

Smeshque: I am so sorry for this grief you have had over the lady. Please know that I prayed for you at church tonight.


John 14:1-4 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”

The lady is still holding on. She was moaning quite a bit today, so they gave her more morphine. I am so sad for all involved and keep praying. The saddest thing is to watch a grown man weep, her husband. He is so grief stricken. It is heart wrenching. And on top of that My Mom cried over my Dad being gone. All this has brought back her own grief. But, the saddest of that is, this is the first time I have seen her cry over my Dad. She has been so strong. At least in front of me. But, now I have seen it and now I am feeling so sad for her and am not sure what to do. Just keep praying, the best thing I can do for anyone. God is Good!


Romans 12:15
Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

Well said, Smeshque!
Proverbs 11:2
"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom."


Proverbs 16:18
"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall."


Proverbs 29:23 "One's pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor."

Today was a sermon on pride. It is quite difficult as humans not to succumb to that pride. We live in a self serving world, of instant gratification and a "ME" culture. Or a "selfie" culture.
But just look what happened to Nebuchadnezzar and his son Belshazzar.
Pride goeth before destruction.
As caregivers we often have to swallow our pride, to overlook what we feel or want, in the best interests of our loved ones.
But, the strength and patience and all the growth as a person, is escalated above what we would be if we chose not to set ourselves aside.


James 4:10
Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

Befitting for you today, Smeshque: 
Revelation 22:13


"I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end."

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:2

I have just really been holding onto this verse these days. The Alpha and the Omega.
Faithful is he that promised.

Dear Smeshque: You're welcome for the caregiving poem. I am so sorry about that lady. That is quite sad.
Sending prayers posthaste.

Thank you for the poem LL, very thoughtful one.
The couple we visit a couple of days weekly(well, I haven't been able to except yesterday after services, but DH and Mom still go almost everyday now), well, she had fallen and broke her ribs, was in the hospital a few days, then they released her, then she went back to the hospital a few days ago, due to low oxygen levels. Went to see her yesterday, not doing so well, and he couldn't keep from crying, watching his dear wife in this state. But, we made her smile and held her hand and just talked with her, and her laughter made him feel better. Only she is not breathing well at all. They sent her back to AL and have now put her on hospice. :(
So sad and heavy to watch those we love go through these tough and sad days. But, we pray with them and just be there with them as oft as we can. DH rearranges his days to make sure to put visiting them first, especially in this difficult time. God's will be done.

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
John 15:13