Being Absorbed

Do any of you feel your Mom (or Dad for the guys) are 'absorbing' them? I feel totally absorbed and feel like I am losing myself. I will let you know immediately that Mom is suffering no form of demensia. I've had that conformed.

Bottom line, she has put herself into my life so much that she wants to do everything I do, eat what I eat (except for the damn pork she eats all the time and I don't), dress like me and actually pretend she's me. I talked to a counselor about it and the counselor feels Mom thinks by absorbing me and my life -- she can live longer. The counselor said this sucks the life right out of care-givers.

I have a high school class reunion coming up. I'm trying to serve on a committee to help organize it. We were to have an informal meeting last night at a favorite high school hamburger place. I tried to find someone to stay with Mom without even mentioning it to me. I couldn't find anyone so I asked mom if she'd be alright for a couple of hours while I went to the meeting. She said ..."NO, I am going with you." When I told her she wouldn't know anyone there her response was ..."If YOU know them, I will know them."

So I took her. She changed clothes twice to try to match what I was wearing. When we got there, nothing suited her. One would have thought it was a party just for her and we'd taken her somewhere she hated. The burgers were too big, not done enough, the french fries were limp and the service was terrible. At one point one of the jovial guys from the class was laughing really loud at something someone had said and Mom yelled ..."Hey! Not so loud over there!" In general she made a pest of herself the entire night and got mad because I was having a good time and told me that I should 'sit down for a while.' I should add that I've always been a very social person, love people and love meeting new people. Mom is not like that and resents that I'm that way.

On the way home I told her she would not be going to any such events in the future and if she can't stay alone occasionally for me to participate in such events, then I guess it's time for the nursing home. Keep in mind that is the last thing she wants as they'd take all her income for her care and right now she has about $2500 per month to SHOP.

Maybe there IS something wrong because I will occasionally hear her refer to herself as me on phone conversations -- nothing serious but she'll say things like ..."today I cleaned the wood floors" (and she's never cleaned a wood floor in her life) when it was me doing the cleaning. When she's talking to my children she will refer to MY Dad ... to them ... by saying ..."Your Dad."

I am smothering. Yet she knows how to manipulate me when I get determined to put her in AL or senior housing. She is definitely not ready for a nursing home as she still cooks (Lord does she cook!), still drives and takes care of her own financial business.

The bullet. I'm going to have to bite it IF I plan to make the most of the next possible 20 years I have left.

Again thinking of getting up in the middle of the night and just leaving. She talks about MY house as if it's HER house so thinking of just letting her have it and pay all the upkeep on it.

Just venting. Hope everyone is having a great Saturday.