Adult caregivers to parents should be a choice, not an obligation decided by society, other siblings or the elderly parent. Many adults were raised by extremely disfunctional parents, which make them poor candidates for taking care of their elderly parents. They harbor a lot of anger by how they were raised which could lead to possible elder abuse. I am an adult incest survivor. Should I be forced into caring for that person in their elderly years? I don't think so! I despise my father for what he did to me and and to my pathetic mother who tells everyone it didn't happen. These type of people don't deserve the loving care of a child in their needy elderly years. Being cared for is a gift to be given to only those who deserve it!

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Thank you Debralee for your post! I am caring for my father who I also dislike and feel I was pressured into it as my brother stated... there are no alternatives!! My father was more absent that abusive but he did not protect us from our very physically and verbally abusive mother so there is a lot of resentment. What to do if none of the family is willing to take him in?

Thank you for those kind words. I have been to therapy throughout my life and have come to an acceptence that I can live with. This is not a situation were one can get over it and move on and forgive. The best gift I gave myself is keeping my distance and setting boundaries that help me. I don't eliminate them from my life, but I do proceed with caution and on my terms.

I completely agree with you! There is a special place in Hell for people that abuse children.

You are obligated in no way to care for your parents. If you have other siblings trying to pressure you...NO is a powerful word. No explanation or guilty feelings. Please take care of yourself.

If you have not been in therapy, this might be a good time. A friend went through this and at age 55 she decided to get her head straight about all she put up with as a child. It made a tremendous difference in her life.

God bless!

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