so Ive been away from this site for about a yr now.. I decided to check in, peep around and re read my old posts...Im amazed that there are so many people that are angry enouph to judge others for actions and decisions theyve made.
In reading my old posts, it honestly brought up all those anxieties, anger, resntment and fears. Its still fresh enouph that I remembered how I felt, searching for anyone that could even relate to how I was feeling.
I went through a really touph time this past yr, trying to cope with Moms death,and Ive been beating myself up, because Id forgotten why wed placed her in the nursing home. Id forgotten that I did everything I possible could.. I guess ill leave this acct open, so I can come back, and re read that time in my life..

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Oh, shortmomma, yes, there have been some judgments but I often think the people who aree judging are doing so because they themselves are the ones who question their own decisions. If they can get someone to agree with them about their judgments then I think, it makes them feel secure. It is still not right , though.

Listen, I have a daughter with special needs. She is 16. We are at the stage where the school and the county asks what are your plans for your daughter. We know at age 18 we have to take her to court and have her declared incompetent . From what I had heard the judges are very sweet about it and it is just a legal thing but still very hard, no? anyway- our girl has been having some very by violent episodes and one therapist asked us if we thought we would want her to stay with us in the future. --realistically- and I knew in my heart that there may come a day when we might not be able to handle her. When her needs become better met in a stricter setting. There may also be the day when she wants to live in a group home away from annoying Mom and Dad but that would be a lovely thing and not what I am talking about. I am really really hoping that we can meet her needs and we probably can but I know that if we could not the best thing for HER is to place her in an environment that can.

Sometimes it is what you have to do. Even if you think, well, I could have met her needs but just got tired, that is OK. You are allowed to get tired and tired people cannot take good care of elders at times. Maybe you just didn't like being a caregiver - good to know -good to find a place where people do like to be caregivers.
You are right -we need to be kind to each other!!! But we also need to be kind to ourselves!!!! Blessings to you and I am so sorry you are hurting.

im betting that there comes a time when every elder could benefit from round the clock institutional care. my mother wants to spend her last months ? years at home too but im not sure how realistic that is. im realizing in advance that she may become ill and miserable enough to need hospitalization. hospitalization in this case means NH care. im not going to beat myself up for entrusting her to professionals at that stage. if they can make her more comfortable than i can then thats the route to go imo.. guilt just seems to come with this particular responsibility / effort but we cant make a frail and dying person as happy as a newlywed. aint gonna happen.. bet you done a great job and made good decisions..

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