Another frustrating phone call with my mom and I need to vent. We've had a strained relationship for many years. She is a narcissist who wants everything to be about her, who wants constant praise, and so on, so she's difficult to deal with and I never get a "normal" mom experience with her anymore.
Today I call and check on her and she informs me she's made contact with my cousin (she cut off all contact with her sister 20 or so years ago), and he was going to visit her. Later it comes out that she has hopes he or his wife or his daughter will take her shopping. Nothing about reconnecting, just looking for a shopping trip. Whatever. Maybe it'll turn into something good.
In the course of a conversation with her, though, she continues to rattle my cage, making her usual points:
1. I'm ungrateful and never give her recognition. (I've sent cards, told her she made a lot of nice memories, etc. or thanked her when she does something nice or something I like: I believe in giving people credit or saying something nice because I know I'd like that myself, so I believe in giving what or how I'd like to receive.)
2. She has always had to do everything alone. (This is her constant story. Never mind that she's had help from me, in the form of money I've given to her, lent to her, shopping I've done for her, appointments I've taken her to, vacation time I've used on her, etc.)
3. Awful things I've done to her. Since I've married (10 years ago) I've changed. I think what's changed is someone is more important to me than she is, and she resents that. I still help her and take care of her, but because I share a home and time with another person it makes me a bad guy? In addition she accuses us of stuff that's never happened. (She gave us some stuff we never wanted but took it after she tried to push it on us a half-dozen times and then she turned around and accused us of theft. She's hidden money -- accused us of taking it -- and then found it and it's like, well, if not that there's something else awful that you'd have done or will do.)
But what is it with her? I'm at the end of my rope. Every time I talk to her I end up with a migraine or I end up sobbing uncontrollably or just want to curl up in a ball and sleep for hours. It is like she is not getting what she wants (which I suspect is a daughter who will be at her beck-and-call and constantly praises her and so on) so she, instead of saying, oh, it's good my child has a happy marriage and a nice life, feels hatred and resentment toward me.
I don't even know what I'm trying to say here. I'm just frustrated and sad and tired. I'm tired of every conversation with her ending up being about how she is the victim or how she has had to endure alone, or how everyone has screwed her over or something. She tells me I'm angry and bitter or mean and miserable, and no one I know says I'm that way. I think it's how she feels and she accuses everyone else of having her state of mind. But with the accusations of theft and how much hate she throws my way, I don't know what to do.