Back in the day, we admired our elders and we were kind to them.

I don't know about this "back in the day" business. I'm in my late 50s and can remember my mother tsk-tsking whenever we rode the bus, and younger people wouldn't give up their seat. Some parents did an equally crummy job with raising their kids "back in the day".

Although I "respected" my elders, I certainly didn't want to spend any more time with them than I had to. Whenever I visited my grandparents (weekly), I wore a frozen smile, said please and thank you, and stayed out of adult conversation. I visited both sets of grandparents once a week, did housework on a weekly basis for one set of grandparents, had one grandmother live with us for a while.

Unlike some members on the board, I didn't have nasty grandparents. (Or nasty parents. I'm so sorry for everyone who has to caregive a parent who has always been mean. My Mom, on the other hand, was extremely loving.) Still, I didn't "admire" my grandparents, necessarily. I felt...well...nothing toward them. They didn't care to listen to children or spend any quality time with us. This didn't make them bad people -- they were probably typical for that time and place.

I lived in fear of grandpa Harry. In fact, his own kids lived in fear of him. He never hugged us, just growled vague threats like "If you wet that bed I will throw you in a potato sack and put you down the cellar". My other grandfather, August, was equally capable of vitriol.

Hi Fancicoffee7! I don't quite know what you are referring to in this discussion. So, I looked at your profile. Might I assume you're talking about getting more help from your own children when it comes to caring for your husband at home? Or, is this just a general feeling you have about society? Perhaps you could clarify. :)

I will agree that young people don't seem to be taught the manners we were taught to have as youngsters, but that doesn't mean they're all obnoxious. My mom was just that (obnoxious) to her great-grandsons & then couldn't figure out why they didn't want to spend time with her.... there's 2 sides to every coin. ;)

I have to be honest here. In the 1960-70s the motto was not to trust anyone over 30. I don't remember even interacting with elder people. I know I wasn't rude to anyone and I'm sure I would have opened doors if it was needed. I just don't remember any older people in my life outside a few of my teachers. They probably saw us with our blue jeans and hair and steered clear of us. :)

Like everyone said, back in the day 60 was old, there weren't pills, pills, and more pills to keep someone going when the body would have normally shut down, and many folks lived in multi-generational households. The burden of caregiving wasn't placed upon just one person's shoulders, the whole family pitched in (from my childhood, "Go make Granny a plate---NOW!").

But regardless of statistics, modern medicine, and the family dynamic manners are forever. Now it's called "paying it forward" or "showing a kindness". I wasn't taught that there is a karmic pay-out for me if I am nice to people. I was taught to be nice and to be helpful. Period.

And since jeannegibbs is so old I'm glad there are young'ins out there to help her across the street. :-)

I dare say we didn't admire ALL of our elders, and some we just tried to stay out of their way. And back in the day, as oldcodger points out, "old" was 60.

I've had pretty good experiences with people of all ages being polite. In fact, one of the ways I know I am now "elderly" is how often a young person offers to help me! Sorry that doesn't match your experience, Fancicoffee.

I remember reading a Look Magazine article (this dates me) when I was a teen - written my the Anthropologist Margaret Mead. The thing that she said that I remembered my whole life was that growing up - she was never afraid of growing old - because the only OLD people she knew and saw were independent and VITAL! I remember her using that word VITAL - defined as lively: full of animation or vigor!

She never saw people bedridden for any length of time or hanging out of wheelchairs. You were either Healthy and able to care for yourself or you were dead. (I know there were probably exceptions to this - but healthy or dead was the norm back then.)

It is easy to stay positive when we are healthy and it is easy to be kind and caring when all is going well.

Nowadays, we have all sort of props - antibiotics, surgeries, pills, pills and more pills. Now we know that we have the distinct prospect of ending up senile and DEPENDENT on others and it scares us to death - as well it should.

It is not a happy future for many - but, hopefully it beats the alternative - but of this I am not completely sure.

And yes, as pam said above - people did not grow OLD as they do now. They actually LIVED until they died - they didn't live a 'living death' as so many have the opportunity to do in our modern times.

And yes, we respected our elders. They were usually kind, hardworking folks. :0) Average life expectancy in 1900 was 45-50 yrs., in 1920 it was 53-55, in 1940 it was up to 60-65, and in 1998 it was 74-79 and we see many who live far longer - into their 90s and 100s.

Sadly, my MIL who is 89, says often 'why in the world did I have to live so long?' She hates the fact that she has lost her health and independence. Wouldn't we all?

my two cents. I know there are others who feel differently and this is a 'might' off subject. Not quite sure exactly what the poster was meaning.

As far as manners - that is something we are taught by our parents and by our interaction with others. Opening doors, saying please and thank you - doing unto others as we would have them do unto us. Not sure there's an answer to why some do and some do not do for others or show respect.

And most of us do ALL WE CAN DO AND MORE until we just wear ourselves out. Never ever assume that another person does not care - we have not walked in their shoes. :0)

Fanci good for you! I wonder how you will feel when your husband is peeing and pooping everywhere and wandering 24/7 and you are unable to leave the house for years? It is reality!

Do you have children that will help? Most in this fast paced life don;`t want to be bothered.

Back in the day, they never lived past 60. Maybe there are too many of us, and us baby boomers are all driving cars, weaving, backing into things and cutting people off. So far the younger people have been very polite.