Aunt is in rehabiliation.

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Aunt is in rehabiliation.

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She had knee replacement surgery. We sent her caregiver home until aunt is out of rehab.

I spoke with aunt, and she tells me when she comes out of rehab, she will THINK about if she needs care at home. If she does, she will only need them there once a week for light housekeeping. I told her she will need more than light housekeeping, and that she will need someone there to help her physically.

She got very nasty with me and told me I will not tell her what she needs, and she's going to decide that for herself. She also told me she didn't appreciate me giving up POA, and for that, I am out of her will. I told her I respected her decision, and that was fine.

I was all set to go visit her when she comes out of rehab, but she's livid with me. I didn't know that she was, since she never mentioned it to me, until now. I told her I had been asking her to remove me, but she never listened to me.

I can't bring myself to visit her, because she lives far from me, and I would have no choice but to stay at her house. When she's upset, she lets you have it all into the day, and night, too.

I feel guilty, but I had to do was best for me, and now I really feel guilty because after this, I do not know when I will visit her again with her anger towards me. My cousins are near her, and they must know, as they haven't been contacting me about my aunt. I don't have a question, really. I just needed to vent. Thanks.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Guilt Rehabilitation Center

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B Beatty Sep 23, 2023 · Answer 1 · 2023-09-23T01:49:00.000-0400

Your Aunt had her knee replaced. She chose to attend rehab. It's her life & her choice to what care she arranges in her home post rehab. Right?
What am I missing?

PS I'd send a nice card.

M MACinCT Sep 22, 2023 · Answer 2 · 2023-09-22T20:21:14.000-0400

It looks like the docs in the rehab will be the ones to tell her of an unsafe discharge. If she still gets to leave on her own then since she is of sound mind, she can hire her caregivers. You can tell family about it when they ask. Remind them that a POA is not a slave or a caregiver. The duty is to just pay the bills and she has not even followed through to give permission to the bank and depending on the document. Ifthis did not happen then it will require more legal work and $$$ like court appointed conservatorship to get access to her accounts. BTW, I am curious if she ever gave you those papers. I ask because if she kept them in her home, then no one has access to them

T Tiredniece23 Sep 22, 2023 · Answer 3 · 2023-09-22T17:04:09.000-0400

Hi Alva, thanks. I didn't pay any bills on her behalf, nor was I on any of her accounts. My POA wouldn't kick in until she is incapacitated. I no longer wanted the responsibility, as everyone was pushing everything on me, and suggesting I come down often to stay or even move there with her. No reasoning with any of them. She got notice from her attorney that I no longer wanted part of it, as I lived far, and wasn't asked. Besides, she's difficult, and we don't ever see eye to eye.
I think I will continue to call her sporadically, but not sure I want to visit, and especially now. Thanks so much for your response. It's appreciated.

A AlvaDeer Sep 22, 2023 · Answer 4 · 2023-09-22T16:48:06.000-0400

You have absolutely done the right thing in giving up the POA; be certain that is legally done. You should write a letter to your aunt resigning, and to any attorney who may have drawn up POA papers. If you are on any accounts or paying any bills you must notify those entities of your resignation. I would also notify your cousins so that Aunt can appoint one if she wishes; she can also use a licensed Fiduciary to act as her POA for a fee.

You gave your opinion; she chose not to take it. Be certain now NOT to visit nor to enable her poor decision making. Leave her to the social workers. Send the weekly sweet "get well card" wishing her well. She has your number. Further contact should be on her part.

I think you are well shed of her. You can see the torment others here go through trying to intervene where their help is unwanted.

T Tiredniece23 Sep 22, 2023 · Answer 5 · 2023-09-22T16:41:19.000-0400

Thanks JoAnn. That was helpful! Appreciate that.

T Tiredniece23 Sep 22, 2023 · Answer 6 · 2023-09-22T16:38:29.000-0400

Thank you,

B BarbBrooklyn Sep 22, 2023 · Answer 7 · 2023-09-22T16:28:26.000-0400

She's quite entitled, isn't she, Tired?

Lose the guilt. This is in no way your fault.

J JoAnn29 Sep 22, 2023 · Answer 8 · 2023-09-22T16:23:56.000-0400

Tired, your Aunt is not your problem. She moved where she is because she wanted to be near family so let her family deal with her. You cannot be held accountable, your a niece. When she is done Rehab she will be evaluated. If they feel she is 24/7 care she will need to show she has it. Either thru family or by hiring someone.

Guilt is self-imposed. She wants things her way. You live too far apart to do anything. She made you POA without asking. You have a legit reason not to except. I would let it go for now. She wants it all her way and s***w u if you don't do what she wants. You do not owe ur Aunt anything. Your cousins don't owe her. As long as you keep trying to help her, she and your cousins are going to think you will finally come over to their way of thinking. I would go no contact,

T Tiredniece23 Sep 22, 2023 · Answer 9 · 2023-09-22T16:14:13.000-0400

Thanks. I will do that.

L lealonnie1 Sep 22, 2023 · Answer 10 · 2023-09-22T16:09:58.000-0400

No good deed goes unpunished, as they say. Just give your aunt a call once in awhile and send her a card or an Edible Arrangement. That's what I'd do and avoid The Drama Queens entirely.

Aunt is in rehabiliation.

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