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She's 71. Doesn't help me to help her. I work extra hard 'taking care of her and my 70 year old husband. I have health issus of my own and just have had it!

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Aunty needs to go to assisted living or a NH. Or if she can afford it home health care, however, that wouldn't really deal w the pee/poop issues. Do not feel guilty. 1 person can only do so much for so long. If you go under, then what of your husband. Is your husband healthy or have a lot of issues also. As far as caregiving goes, your allegiance would be to your husband and Aunty somewhere down the list. I took care of my mother who was bedridden w cancer until she passed. However, I was younger and healthier back then. I had to put my husband in NH 2 yrs ago. Due to the fact I am older and have a lot of health issues myself and his extensive medical/mental issues was more than I could handle alone. These are all highly difficult issues to deal with. You must acknowledge that you need to take care of yourself first. If you breakdown, the whole structure of life w family will crash. And dependent on individual circumstances sometimes a grinding halt to things is what will bring about change.
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Was she incontinent before her injury or stroke or whatever she is recuperating from? I'd discuss it with her doctor. She may not be able to mentally process cleanup. Don't you think it's likely that she would do it, if she could?

I know that I used to be confused as to why my LO insisted on wearing depends instead of using bedside toilet. The reason became clear when her dementia progressed. I didn't realize then that she did not have the mental ability to do certain things.
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Can you get an aide in to help out a couple days a week? Does she have any income coming in? If so, use to have someone to come in and clean her. The poor thing. She most likely doesn't understand. Recuperating... did she have a head injury, Or does she have A UTI?

Patience and love.... Lots of both.....
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Have you told her that it's time to go home or to a facility, if she can't take care of her bathroom needs she shouldn't be living alone, but that is a deal breaker for me. Facility time in my opinion.

I think she is using you at this point and you can put a stop to it. It is your home and your first priority is your husband.
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